Hold My Silence
by Casy Dee
Summary: Abby has secrets in her past, but is it right to keep them there? Can Connor accept them? Set in the Cretaceous... Action filled Epilogue now published. Story Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This takes place in the Cretaceous, I would say a little over a week and a half after the anomaly closed and left Abby and Connor stranded.**

**So… surprise fic from me. I have this lil bunny, and she said "write me." I hope you do like it, angsty stew though it is.**

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**Chapter One**

She didn't know how to tell him. She only knew that she _wanted_ to, and she _needed_ to, but she didn't know how to say it. Abby had never really been too good at feelings. It was stupid to worry about something like this when they had so many more critical things to worry about, like survival. They never even knew where the next meal was coming from from one day to the next, and yet she was worried about telling Connor such a small thing.

She glanced over at him, sat on the ground next to their fire shaping a tip for a spear. She was never more appreciative of his intelligence than now, when his sharp mind had already kept them alive far longer than she would have managed it on her own. Connor remembered just about everything he read, and he said he'd gone through a 'survivor' phase, and of course he had all the knowledge of his paleontology studies behind him, as well. For example, fire hardening the tip of wooden spear would have never occurred to her.

He must have felt her eyes on him, because he pulled the spear tip from the fire and set it aside so he could look at her. Something of what she was thinking must have shown on her face because his dark chocolate brown eyes were concerned, and he had all his attention focused on her.

"Is everything alright?" Connor asked.

"Yeah. Just thinking is all," Abby dismissed.

He didn't believe her. She could tell by the wrinkle that grew between his brows at her answer, but he let it go and picked up the spear again. She dropped her gaze to her lap, undid the last few uneven plaits of grass she had braided together. She was going to attempt to weave a basket of some sort… try to learn how anyway. It was something to occupy her hands and make her feel productive. She felt so useless here, after Connor got back his mobility a few days after their arrival. Just a sprain, thankfully.

"You know you can talk to me, Abby. You can tell me if something is bothering you," Connor said as he worked on the spear.

He didn't look at her as he spoke… afraid she would snap at him or strike out at him, probably.

She laughed derisively, "You mean besides being trapped in the past with no way to get home?"

He looked up at her then, but not with the smile she had expected from him. His shoulders drooped in defeat.

"I'm trying," he said quietly.

Guilt and remorse filled her; she hadn't meant it like that at all. She had been just trying to shift his attention away from the fact that she was thinking about _him_. And why did it matter? Why couldn't she just tell him?

"No, Connor. I didn't mean it like that, okay? We'll get it sorted somehow. They'll come looking for us, I'm sure of it," she replied.

"Yeah," he answered, but he didn't sound convinced.

She didn't think that the team would ever give up on them, but unfortunately the only person bright enough, and with enough knowledge of the workings of anomalies to figure out where they had gone was sat beside her. She had to have hope. At least she had Connor; but at this moment she wasn't sure it was better to have him here with her, or back at the ARC trying to get her home. He would have stopped at nothing, she was sure of it.

She looked out over the edge of the cliff outside of the small cave they had found for shelter. The sun was setting in the Cretaceous, leaving Connor's face illuminated by flickering fire rather than twilight. She knew he wouldn't be able to see her clearly now, so she took the opportunity to study him, unobserved. She wanted to tell him, but then she would have to tell him _everything._ She had never told anyone _everything_. She owed it to him, but she didn't know how to say it, so she said nothing.

Connor had tried to draw her out throughout the evening, but she was too wrapped up in bad memories to even pretend to be interested in conversation. She tried ignoring him completely, when he wouldn't quit. In the end, he had withdrawn, obviously hurt by her shutting him out. He had retreated to the cave to sleep finally, having likely grown tired of speaking to silence.

They lay next to each other in the small cave… more of an indention in the rock, really. She could hear Connor breathing next to her, comforting in the strange surroundings. He was nearby, just on the other side of the fire; she wondered if he was asleep. She had shifted her bed away from his tonight, not wanting to feel his body heat next to hers… it was too confusing. She shifted, tried to get comfortable with only reeds and grasses as her mattress. She peeked at his face from under her lashes; he was awake, staring into the coals… no, staring at _her._

"Abby, if I have done something to upset you, please just tell me. If it's about earlier… just forget it. It doesn't matter," Came Connor's voice, pitched low in the quiet of night.

"You haven't," she answered quickly.

Of course he knew she was awake… how could he not? He closed his eyes tightly and sighed, "I can't do this by myself, Abby. I just can't."

Connor's voice broke on the last word, and even in the dim firelight she saw the pain on his face. He was holding back tears, his mouth turned down before it firmed again in a tense line. She didn't want him to blame himself for this. It was her, all her and her stupid baggage. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She couldn't leave it like this.

He had told her he loved her again, this morning. They had nearly died. No. _She _had nearly died, and Connor was stupid enough to almost get himself killed saving her. Leave it to Connor to only be honest about how he felt about her when one of them was in mortal peril. Finding a fresh source of water had been a godsend, but the currents were strong and the footing was treacherous at the top of the waterfall. The pool at the base of the waterfall was much safer to use, but it took considerably more work to navigate down to it, so Abby had stayed at the top of the falls. She had just wanted to rinse out her shirt. It was starting to smell and she just wanted to wear something clean.

She slipped. Just a simple misplaced foot and she was taken by the current, it swept her away and down the river. Connor had come running after without a thought (as usual) and had managed to pull her to shore, but she had swallowed a lot of water. When she came to, he had hugged her to him and told her he loved her. He'd been terrified, tears running down his face and she had no choice but to _hear_ him. He loved her. She wanted to answer back. She wanted to tell him she loved him, too. But she couldn't.

She thought she was on her way to putting her past firmly behind her, and then Jack had come to stay with her. It had brought back all the memories she had tried to bury, and had brought them in bright vivid Technicolor. All of the sudden, she found herself pushing Conner away as hard and as fast as possible. She'd not been willing to deal with him and Jack at the same time, and she felt like a coward for it. She wished she could be like Jack, sometimes. Cocooned in his own shell of selfish self-importance. All he worried about was himself, and that way no one could ever hurt him. She was no better.

She thought she had moved past it, she had even dated some. She had been willing to try for an actual relationship with Stephen, but after she found out about how he had betrayed Cutter, she couldn't stomach the thought. Abby was intensely loyal, and such a betrayal was unfathomable. She thought it was behind her… but it was still haunting her, hurting her. Taking her life away, forcing her to shove down her feelings into a tight little box she shared with no one. It made her feel small and weak and out of control.

She couldn't even tell him she loved him. He had risked his life over and over again for her, and she would die for him, as well… but she couldn't tell him. He had told her she didn't need to love him back, and it about broke her heart. Then she had ignored him all evening and moved her sleeping place away. Of course he thought it was his fault.

"Abby? What is it?" he whispered.

Connor was kneeling next to her, brushing tears from her cheeks. She didn't even know she had been crying. She pulled him down to lay beside her. She took his hand in hers; she could give him this much. She had to tell him. Maybe after she told him about this, she could tell him how much she loved him… if he still wanted to hear it.

TBC

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A/N: Please do review if you liked this (or if you hated it). Reviews=motivation.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad my errant little fic caught your eye, and you liked her well enough to tell me! It means a lot and thank you! **

**Warnings: Angsty and mentions of abuse**

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Chapter Two

She had to say it now. If she let it lie, let the moment fade, she knew they would greet the morning as if nothing passed between them. An unsaid understanding between them both… they didn't speak about such things. The moment would die, and she would lock this down deeper and tighter and she would push him away even farther. When would it finally be too far for him to endure? She already asked too much of him, and Connor never pushed. Not ever, not even when he should. Some day it would be too much.

He had been different with her once. He had secured his residency in her flat by way of blackmail, and had flirted with her constantly in his awkward way. Huddle together for warmth, indeed! It still made her smile. She had gotten so used to rebuffing his advances that it came as a shock to her when she finally realized that he had stopped making them. Something had changed in their relationship, and she hadn't even noticed it. He was still clearly enamored of her, but he quit acting on it. She supposed as many times as she had shut him down, or looked outright disgusted by any inference that they could be a couple, she shouldn't be surprised. They got mistaken for a couple so often that 'he's not my boyfriend' or 'as if' usually flew out of her mouth before she had even realized it.

And then along came Caroline. She tried to ignore the twisted oily feeling in her gut when she saw Connor with her. She told herself it was because she didn't trust her and she was just worried for her mate, and she said it often enough that she almost believed it. After Caroline had half-frozen Rex, she had a legitimate reason to dislike her, and it made her feel better about it. She never had to face that it might just be jealousy.

And then Abby had been taken by the Mer, and Connor had come for her. He saved her, refused to let her go even if it meant he would die, too. He said he loved her… and then he said he couldn't remember saying anything.

She would have listened to him that day. It was one of those crystalline moments… like the one they were in now… but she had fostered too much fear in him. He couldn't speak the words, and she convinced herself she didn't hear them. She might have even told him everything that day, she might have taken a chance on him… but the moment was gone. Caroline came and took him away from her again, and she _hated _her. The walls went back up, higher than before. He dumped Caroline, but the damage had been done. She should have felt vindicated when Connor found out that Caroline had been paid to pick him up, but she just felt horrible.

The hurt and betrayal behind Connor's eyes had made her want to rip out Caroline's heart and feed it to her. Connor had covered it well; she was proud of him. Caroline's little comment about Rex though, that was a step too far. To hurt a helpless animal… and then to hurt _Connor_ like that… _Connor_? Sweet and easygoing Connor, who believed the best out of everyone… it felt good to hit her.

She turned around one day and realized she had come to view Connor as more than her mate. She was on the verge of acting on it when along came Jack and all the demons of her past. She kicked Connor out of the flat and their relationship turned tense and strained. It was awkward when they talked, neither one of them quite knowing what to say. He asked her if she missed him (a bold move for Connor), and she almost told him the truth. Yes, she missed him. Connor never pushed.

As badly as she had treated him, Connor had still been there for her. He covered for Jack to spare her feelings… and he helped her get Jack home safe. And what had she done as thanks? Accuse him that he would be happy if Jack was dead. God, she had hurt him. It was that same look of raw betrayal she'd seen on his face from Caroline, but this time it was bone deep, and _she_ had been the cause of it. And right afterwards, he had put his life on the line for her again without a moment's hesitation, distracted the predator so she could get away. She couldn't believe that anyone could be as selfless and goodhearted as Connor was.

She had kissed him, moved beyond words by his actions… and then she had walked away when it had overwhelmed her.

She saw hope lit up behind his eyes when she saw him next. She watched his shy smile fade… the light and hope in his face dying when she rejected him yet again. He tried to play it off, and damn her if she didn't let him do it. And Connor didn't push the issue. Of course not. She had hurt him so much, and yet here he was… lying next to her, torn up at the thought that he might have upset her.

If she let this moment pass, it would never come again. They could die tomorrow, and he would never know how much she cared. She couldn't bear it. She had to tell him, and after that, telling him she loved him would come easy.

Terror gripped her, twisted her guts and froze her blood in her veins. She had faced down a raptor with less fear than she felt now. She had promised herself she would never speak it. She would let it die, unspoken forever.

_I'm not a victim._ She thought.

"I have to tell you something. It's important," Abby said into the silence, her voice rough from disuse.

"Okay," Connor tentatively answered.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She had always been blunt, plainspoken. She believed in getting to the point quickly.

"You need to find someone else to love, Connor. I'm no good for you," she spit out.

He inhaled sharply; he was silent for long moments.

"Do you think I have not tried that?" he asked, his voice coming out strangled and thin.

"Connor…" she began.

"No! Abby, I told you that I don't expect you to love me back. It's okay… I just don't want you to shut me out like this. I'll never mention it again, okay? Just…" he broke off finally, his frantic attempts to placate her dying off in a thready trail.

"Please, Abby," he pleaded.

She shook her head in frustration. It wasn't coming out as she had intended, she was just stabbing at him deeper.

"That's not it at all," she answered softly.

"I don't understand. Tell me, please," he begged.

"I'm sorry I put you out of the flat like that. Jack has had some problems, especially if he forgets his meds. He does things sometimes… bad things. One time, I woke up at night and he was standing over me with a kitchen knife in his hand. He might have stabbed me if I hadn't have been so quick to move out of the way. He was sleeping, see. He didn't realize it was me, and he'd forgotten his pills that day. He's better about it now, but I couldn't have you there, Connor. I couldn't take the chance," Abby explained haltingly.

"What's wrong with him?" Connor asked, his voice laden with disquiet.

"Same thing that's wrong with me, likely," Abby answered frankly.

He started to shift so he could face her, but she stilled him with a hand on his chest, "Don't."

She couldn't do this if he was looking at her. It was hard enough as it was.

"Abby, there is nothing wrong with you," Connor argued.

"There is… and that's part of what I need to tell you," she replied softly.

She begun to speak, and when she did it was as if the floodgates spilled wide open. She heard herself speaking… her voice flat and empty. She told it as if she was telling someone else's story; she was talking about someone else's life. In the beginning, it worked.

Abby's mum and dad had problems. They argued a lot, and they drank even more than they argued. Then the drinking caused more arguments… she remembered blood on the floor. It was the first time he hit her where she and Jack could see it. Jack had thrown himself at their father and he had been swatted down in an instant. His blood went on the floor, too. Lots of times they didn't eat, and Jack started having bruises more often. Then one day Dad didn't come home. Mum said he was in jail, he had started selling drugs and he got caught. Mum got worse.

She began to bring men home, and some of them were nice to her and Jack. Some of them weren't. She learned to go hide when they came, because she was getting older and they were looking at her differently now. One day her mum told her that her dad died in jail. He was a phantom figure in her mind by this time. She remembered shrugging and asking if she could have money to go buy bread. Mum had said no. She remembered the 'no' more clearly than she remembered her dad.

Her mum met another man, eventually. One that stayed more than a night. She married him, and he was worse than all the others combined.

Connor was listening, and he had yet to speak a word. She chanced a quick glance in his direction to see if he was disgusted by her history. If this bothered him, she would stop. She wouldn't tell him the rest. Connor was still, his jaw clenching and unclenching, his mouth a firm line. He looked… angry? Why?

"Connor? Should I stop?" she asked, coming back to herself somewhat in the face of his distress.

"How could they do it? Their own children? How can you hurt a child?" he bit out, enraged at the mere thought of it.

"I don't know Connor. They were both doing drugs at the end. They weren't even the same people anymore. I shouldn't have started this… it was stupid, it doesn't matter," Abby retracted.

She would drop it here. She should have never started. This was a mistake. If _this_ had bothered him, then he couldn't stomach the rest of it, and she couldn't tell him about _that…_her stupid little secret… without wading through the rest of it.

"Please, Abby."

TBC  
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**Okay so Jack… had to give _some_ reason why she wouldn't just ask Connor (or Jack) to sleep on the couch (besides Abby being an insensitive bitch) Please do review if you like or hate my humble story? Placate the muse? Makes her write faster…. *grins* **

A/N: *Ducks* I know… it's coming. Next chapter, honest.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing folks! REALLY means the world to me. If you weren't reading, I wouldn't be writing it…**

**So tired I can barely see but I wanted to get this up for ya'll tonight. Hope 50 grammatical errors don't reach up and smack me in the morning.**

**Warnings: Mentions of abuse. I don't get graphic, but it is plainly stated. **

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Chapter 3

He was begging her to continue speaking, although she could plainly see he didn't like what he was hearing. She couldn't blame him for it, she didn't like it much either.

"Please, Abby?" he entreated.

"Look, you wanted to tell me for a reason, right? So why are you stopping now? It's not for me, and if that's what you are telling yourself… then you are lying. Believe me, if you have the strength to tell me, I can handle it," he argued.

Connor never pushed… but he was pushing now.

"Abby, I wish…"

She cut him off by pressing her fingers to his mouth. He was right. She was looking for any excuse not to go on. She was looking for a coward's way out again.

"It's not pretty," she warned.

He just nodded.

They were sat next to each other now instead of lying side by side, and that was a little easier. She could feel him next to her, but it wasn't as intimate. She saw him start to reach for her hand, but he settled it on his knee instead. She halfway wished he would have just taken her hand in his, but he was probably afraid to chance it. Her fault, and she knew it.

She told him about George, her mum's new boyfriend. He wasn't into drugs as bad as her mum was, and Abby and Jack thought that maybe he was going to help their mum get better. Childish hope, to wish for something so unrealistic and to actually believe it might come true. As it turned out, he liked that he could hold the threat of withholding drugs over their mum. When money was tight, he prostituted her… and she did it willingly for the drugs. Money got tighter and he got meaner, mixing the drugs with liberal doses of alcohol. George hated her and Jack… but she had learned to be small and quiet.

Jack had the worst of it at first. He had never learned to be quiet, but then again, he hadn't had to worry about what their mum's boyfriends would do to him if they ever caught him alone. She always had. She rebelled against it later on. She stood out as much as she liked with punk clothes and makeup, and bluffed her way through life, appearing outwardly tough and confidant. She learned to fight, as did Jack, and that gave her a measure of true confidence. She would never be a victim again. Not after what George had done to them both. Never again.

George had been a special breed of mean; he was different… he liked to hurt them.

The first time Jack tried to defend himself instead of just taking the blows, he had dragged Jack to the bedroom and beat him. Abby had grown so used to beatings that she simply waited for it to end so she could whisk him away out of sight afterwards. But then he began screaming, and it was different. Not just pain, but terror. George was an expert at causing pain in ways that didn't leave visible marks.

Connor's hand was no longer just resting on his knee; it was clenched in a white-knuckled fist. He was getting angry again, but she understood that it was on her behalf. Still, she wondered why it bothered him as much as it did; it was in the past. She had never seen him so upset. He stared fixedly into the fire, waiting for her to go on. She steeled herself and took a deep breath and then froze. She couldn't.

"Abby? You don't have to if it is too hard. I'll listen, but you don't have to tell me anything that you'd rather not, okay?" Connor assured her gently, but his voice was drawn tight.

She shook her head, "No. I need to tell you. It's just… I have never…"

"You never told anyone about all this?" Connor guessed.

"Yeah," she admitted.

He unclenched his fist, and this time he braved the consequences and took her hand in his. He held it gently, just allowing his hand to rest on hers… like he had done when she kissed him. Even then, she had controlled the kiss… he had just reacted.

She sighed, the next part was hardest.

George had hurt Jack badly, although Jack wouldn't tell her how. The next time he tried to drag Jack off, she tried to stop him. She never wanted to hear those shrieks come from Jack again, even if it meant he hurt her, too. She still remembered it… the evil glee when George realized she had fire enough in her to fight him off of her brother. Then she found out firsthand why Jack had screamed like that. Why it sounded like his guts were being ripped out and he had screamed like he was dying.

Connor sucked in a hard breath. His head was down and she could tell he was trying to hide the expression on his face from her. His hand in hers was still gentle, but it was shaking.

"Did he…?" Connor choked out, unable to even complete the question.

"Same as Jack," she whispered.

The veins in his neck stood out, and he was struggling hard to just sit and listen to her. She started to pull her hand from his, afraid he would be too disgusted to be near her now. He held on tightly and turned to face her. Tears tracked down his rage filled face; he was so angry he was shaking, adreniline coursing through his bloodstream.

"No. Don't you dare pull away from me with that look on your face. You didn't do anything wrong. That sick, evil bastard is the one that should be ashamed, not you," he seethed.

It was startling to see Connor so infuriated, but she was glad of it, too. Glad that he saw the injustice of it for what it was, and that he didn't blame her like Mum had when she tried to tell her. She had desperately wanted someone to be angry for her, to stand up for her then. No one had. Abby nodded finally.

"I know. Sometimes it's just…" she shrugged helplessly.

"God. How long did it go on?" he asked, a little calmer now.

"Three years," she stated flatly.

Connor growled low in his throat.

Abby stared in astonishment, "Connor?"

"What happened to stop it?" he grated.

"Jack. It was Jack. He killed him in his sleep. It was the night he made Jack watch while he… he hurt me," she whispered, seeing it all over again.

Connor made a noise of shock, but didn't comment. He carefully put his arm around her and pulled her to his chest. She let him, comforted by his warmth. This was Connor, and Connor would never hurt her. She knew it for a fact, now more than ever.

"I'm glad he's dead," Connor said quietly.

Abby nodded against his chest, "Yeah."

She let him hold her there for a while as she reflected on the twists and turns her life had taken to get her to this point. She wanted to put it behind her, but she just didn't know if it would stay there. She didn't know how to do it, or how to begin.

"There is more," she said hollowly, disengaging from his arms.

"I'm listening," he answered softly.

When she moved to pull her hand away too, he tightened his hold slightly. She let him keep it.

"He used to punch my stomach a lot. It didn't show with clothes on. The doctors said that they don't think I can ever have kids," she explained.

"And…" she continued.

Her blood ran cold. Fear… she was deathly scared of his reaction.

"And I was… I couldn't …" she sighed and dropped her head.

She just had to spit it out. Her dirty little secret. He would push her away, after he knew. Oh, he would be kind about it… it was _Connor _after all. But Connor for all his sweet nature and kind heart was still a man.

He was waiting. She concentrated on how his hand felt in hers. She would miss it. She wished things could be different.

"I'm a virgin… technically. And I'll likely die that way because I have never been able to tolerate anyone touching me like that. The minute it turned sexual…I couldn't bear it," Abby disclosed, shrinking in on herself.

"Your stepfather didn't…?" he whispered.

"Not like that," She barked a rough humorless laugh,"Evidence."

"Oh," he breathed.

"I'm all fucked up Connor. You need to find someone else. You deserve better than this… better than me," She insisted.

"Abby, no! I-" Connor began to argue.

"Let me finish," She interrupted.

He pressed his lips together, gave her an abrupt nod.

"I know I hurt you. I just wanted you to understand that I didn't push you away because of anything you did. Any girl would be lucky to have you. I just don't want to die without you knowing how I felt," Abby maintained.

Connor's shoulders slumped, his head hung low at her words. He didn't believe her. She owed him the full truth, after what she had put him through.

"I wish it could be me. Connor… I love you. I'm sorry," Abby admitted, her voice shaking.

Connor's head snapped up, "What? You do? But… then why?"

She shook her head, unable to speak. It was too hard.

"I don't want anyone else. I love _you,_" Connor insisted, his voice broken and desperate.

"If it's because of the babies? Abby, I don't care about that. And if it's the other… well we can work through it, okay?" he pleaded.

"How? I have tried to date, and every time it got sexual I couldn't do it," Abby disagreed.

Connor was silent for a long while, holding her hand. She thought she might have finally gotten through to him. She loved him, and he was her best mate, and he always would be. She hoped he found someone someday… someone who was sweet like him, and kind, and would treat him like he deserved to be treated. She hoped she'd not have to see it. If they never got back to their own time, she never would. The mere thought made her stomach clench and roll.

"Did you love them? Any of those other guys?" he asked, his tense voice cutting through the silence.

"No," she replied, the answer startled out of her.

"Then how do you know it would be like that with me?" he challenged.

She stared at him… utterly confused by his words. He couldn't possibly want to be with her now, knowing what he did. She had jumped into the anomaly project without a second thought because she didn't _have_ a life to leave behind. She knew she would never have a family.

"Can you give me a chance? Can we try? Please?" he begged.

The truth of it was, she wanted to try. Connor never gave her those warning feelings. He never triggered the choking panic that other men did, and maybe it was because she loved him. She trusted Connor. He would never ask her to do anything that she wasn't ready for.

He chewed his bottom lip and she could see him searching for a way to convince her. He met her gaze and took a deep breath.

"Do you think of me like that at all?" he asked, a flush slowly spreading across his face.

"Like how?" she asked, perplexed.

The flush deepened.

"Sexually. Do you look at me like that at all?" he charged on.

Connor had dropped his eyes to his lap, but his neck and ears were still red enough that she could tell, even in the feeble light of the dying fire.

An image of Connor bathing in the pool below the waterfall popped into her head, unbidden. She had almost swallowed her own tongue when she saw him dripping wet and glistening, his well defined tight muscles on display. Then he had noticed her and smiled that big crooked grin of his, his dimple flashing in his cheek, and her heart had stopped for a moment. Oh, yes. Hell yes.

His eyes were wide open and shocked, and she realized she had just said a large portion of that out loud. Now _her _face was burning, but as she saw Connor's amazed and pleased reaction she thought a little embarrassment on her part might be worth it.

"Then it can work. We can get through it. Abby, I have waited three years… I can wait three more if you need them. I just want a chance to try," he asked, hope behind his eyes.

She couldn't watch the hope die again. She couldn't do it to him.

"Okay," she agreed, terrified at the leap she was taking.

Joy lit his face, and he gifted her with another knee-weakening smile. She leaned in closer to him, captured his jaw in her hand and brushed her lips across his. Sweet and tender, he returned it. She wasn't scared anymore.

Connor would never let her fall.

TBC

This was the ending originally, but I decided to continue this on as a chaptered fic. You know these two, anyway... they still have a lot to work on.

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A/N: Let me tell you, Connor is no pushover when it is something that matters to him. Abby matters. Easy doesn't equal weak… and Connor is anything but weak.

**So my original plot bunny was "what if Abby was the inexperienced one in the relationship." I started trying to think of any conceivable way this girl could still be a virgin… That led me down this road… so what started as a smut bunny ended up as an angst bunny. Damn bunnies.**

**Thanks for reading… really want to know what you think about this one so please tell me? **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well here it is finally! This was tough writing (especially because I'm not at home), but here it is! Thanks to those of you that said I should continue this. This is for you!**

***bites nails* Hope you like it...**

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Chapter 4

She had fallen asleep next to Connor. Not like she had since they had been trapped here, lying next to him on a separate pallet. _Really _next to Connor… as in wrapped in his arms. She shifted so that she could see his face more clearly; she liked watching him sleep. He really _was_ handsome, even dirty and bruised and with a couple of weeks growth of facial hair; she wondered how she could have missed it for so long. Well, she hadn't missed it exactly. She had just ignored it. Abby was an expert at ignoring things she'd rather not face. She had been able to ignore her feelings about Connor for _years_.

_Oh, god._ She'd told him everything. _Oh god, oh god, oh god._

What would she do now? What now?

She started when his eyes opened and focused on her. He gave her a sleepy smile and closed his eyes again.

"Good dream," he murmured.

Maybe she could just pretend it had never happened. Connor would probably go along with it. Maybe. She thought back to his adamant refusal to let her use him as an excuse to not tell him about her childhood and wasn't so sure. Connor could be outright stubborn about certain things, and it appeared that whatever it was that was between them had become one of those things.

She got up and left the cave to relieve herself, at least that's what Connor would think. She needed time to think. Time alone… without Connor confusing her worse than she already was. If she was lucky, he would sleep a while longer. Not likely, though.

She decided to go down to the base of the waterfall and check their traps to see if there was anything edible in them. Connor had said that as far as prehistoric eras were concerned, they had gotten pretty lucky. The Cretaceous had a far more varied and diverse lifeforms than the Jurassic. The presence of raptors meant they were in the late Cretaceous, according to Connor. A very few small mammals, mollusks, teleost fishes, and some recognizable insects developed during this era. Unfortunately, dinosaurs were the most common of all life forms. Large ones, small ones, mean ones and slightly less mean. Regardless of variety, it meant they had to constantly be on guard.

Connor would be sick with worry if he knew she was going all the way down to the base of the waterfall alone, and without even bothering to tell him. And he would be right. She really wasn't thinking clearly. If she died, Connor would be all alone. That's what he had told her when he dragged her out off the river. He'd said "don't leave me alone." He told her afterwards that if she had died, then he might as well be dead, as well. It had nearly broken her heart. It was then that she decided she had to tell him, no matter what the cost.

It wasn't fair to tell her that. It was as good as saying he would kill himself if she died. Now she felt like anytime she took a risk, she was taking it with both their lives. It was dirty and underhanded of him, but effective nonetheless. She didn't doubt his sincerity, either. That was the worst part. He had meant it, and she believed he had told her for the sole purpose of shocking her into paying attention to her surroundings.

She settled on the ledge outside their cave, dangling her feet over the steep drop off. She'd wait, and tell him she needed to think. He'd give her space, as long as she asked for it. She laughed to herself wryly; being stuck back in the past with Connor left her little choice but to face her problems and deal with them. No more burying her head in the sand. It seemed almost a shame… she had gotten very good at it.

Connor stirred in the cave, he rarely slept long past her waking. Back home Connor could sleep through anything, but here he slept lightly. He was changing… already different somehow… In the beginning, he had optimistically expected the rest of the team to find them. They hadn't ceased to exist, so they both assumed that Danny had succeeded in stopping Helen. It only stood to reason that help would be on the way. But it hadn't come.

By day three Connor had stopped talking about getting rescued and had begun talking about survival. He still maintained that they would be rescued, but if they waited around for it they would likely not survive long enough to be rescued. Of course, by day three he was able to walk on his own again and she suspected that his patience for waiting around for anything was gone. Connor was no fun at all when he was injured.

It wasn't that he had complained about it, because he hadn't. He'd said he was fine anytime she asked. Connor just wasn't will suited for inactivity; his mind never stopped working, but he was unable to do anything without getting help. Luckily there was not a chauvinistic bone in his body, and he let Abby help him without getting his ego bruised. She had tried not to snap at him when he asked for help, but she was so scared that it just came out that way. After that, he stopped asking for her help so much, he just struggled to do it all on his own.

She didn't know how to take it back. She'd never been good with expressing how she felt, that's why she liked her lizards so much. They never cared that she was a psychological mess, they just loved her. Connor never called her on it, although he should have. Once he had been able to move around on his own again, things had gone back to what served as normal between them… until she fell in the river.

She'd spilled everything to him, and now she couldn't take it back. He'd handled it differently than she thought he would. She thought he'd want nothing to do with her. Oh, she figured he would still be her friend, but she truly believed he would see why they could never be a couple. Instead, Connor had begged for her to let them try. She had just wanted to tell him how much she cared for him before she died. She knew full well how unlikely it was that they would both survive here for an extended time. Every day was a gift, and a challenge, and she just wanted to try to meet her end with no regrets.

Then again… he probably felt the same.

"Abby? Is everything alright?" Connor asked as he exited the cave.

She jumped; she had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't even heard him approach.

"Yeah. I'm going to check the traps. Was just waiting on you to wake up," she replied shortly.

She got up to leave without making eye contact with him.

"Just wait a minute Abby and I'll be ready," he answered easily.

"I'm going alone. I just want you to know where I am," she argued.

"No. It's too dangerous," Connor replied, his voice tight.

"I want some time alone, Connor," she countered.

His mouth firmed and his nostrils flared, tell tale signs that he was angry, but his voice came out soft.

"I'll stay far enough away not to bother you, but it isn't safe to be separated," he negotiated.

She nodded, accepting his rationale. If he said he'd stay out of her way, he would. She waited for him to return and then made her way down the slope from their cave. Connor stayed close behind her on the way there, but he didn't try to talk to her. As a matter of fact, he still looked pretty angry. Her stomach twisted, she didn't need him upset with her, as well.

True to his word, as soon as they approached the pool at the base of the waterfall Connor split off from her. He'd brought along his new spear, and he appeared to be studying the area near the waterfall for signs of edible life. The prehistoric snails they had gathered were barely edible, tasting of mud and silt. They were desperately hoping to catch fish in the traps Connor had devised.

He hoped to find meat for them, hence the spear. The idea of Connor hunting would have made her laugh a couple of weeks ago, but she wasn't laughing now. The intensity and determination on his face as he explored the area, spear held aloft was anything but silly. He looked dangerous; a shiver ran through her at the thought. He had wandered pretty far afield by this time, although he kept glancing back to check on her.

She was being stupid again. Really, look where they were. She was lucky to have Connor with her, and yet here she was trying to push him away again. That had been the whole damn point of telling him her story, so she wouldn't have a reason to do it anymore. So she could be honest with him. It seemed all she ever managed to do was to hurt Connor, and he was the last person she ever wanted to hurt.

Connor was headed back to her at a jog, a worried look on his face.

_"_Deinonychus… raptors. Family unit near here. Dangerous, big and mean," he explained breathlessly.

Abby nodded her understanding.

"Look, I know you wanted to be left alone, but I can't. Not here. We have to stay close, and avoid this area if possible. We need to go. Now," he said, warily eyeing their surroundings.

"What about all our traps?" she asked.

"We'll check 'em later. Abby, we _need_ to go," Connor insisted.

They climbed back to their cave, moving quickly. Connor never lost the worried look on his face and more telling, he still wasn't talking. He was _really_ worried.

"How many of them were there?" she asked after they had gotten closer to their camp.

"A lot," he answered shortly.

When they got back to their camp, Connor got out the chunks of rock he had collected that he thought he might be able to make into some sort of rudimentary stone tools and resumed working with them. Abby gathered her grasses again and settled her back against the cool stone of the cave. Connor still hadn't spoken to her, and she wasn't sure what to think about it. He rarely lost his temper; it was unusual for him to display much above annoyance, but he was clearly angry with her. His jaw was tight as he worked, and instead of his usual continuous stream of chatter he was silent except for the few muttered curses at he failed to make anything serviceable.

"What are you trying to make first?" she asked, trying to draw him into conversation.

He glanced at her briefly, "Knife."

"Oh. Getting close?" she asked.

"No," he replied with a brief shake of his head.

He growled in frustration and struck the next rock harder than he needed to. It fractured, leaving one edge razor sharp. It was a success, but unfortunately he sliced his hand at the termination of the blow. He cried out sharply and pressed the heel of his hand to his leg to try to stop the bleeding. Abby jumped up and went to him, concerned at how badly he might have cut himself. Neither one of them could afford to be seriously injured.

"Let me see," she demanded.

"It's fine," he argued.

"Connor, just let me see it," she insisted and grabbed for his hand.

He turned his body away from hers, preventing her from looking, "No."

"Connor, what is _wrong_ with you?" she asked, frustrated by his uncharacteristic coldness towards her.

He gave a short sarcastic laugh, "Seriously?"

"Yes!" she replied, exasperated.

"I should have known you'd do a turnabout on me, but I had truly believed you wouldn't. I just hoped you… Never mind. Doesn't matter," he ended, with a bitter shake of his head.

"No. Connor, no. I haven't," she explained.

Connor never got angry with her, and it bothered her more than she liked to admit that he was angry with her now. She wondered if this was how she made him feel. If it was, she was sorry for it all over again. Nothing ever came out right with him. Her words were always too sharp, too hard. She'd cut him to the quick more times than she could count.

"You said we could try! Did you mean it, or not?" he demanded.

"I just… I needed some time to think. I didn't mean it like that," she stumbled over her words, trying to fight back the urge to shout back at him.

It wouldn't help matters, but there it was nonetheless, boiling under the surface. Knee jerk reaction… a shield of anger to mask the pain.

"Yes or no, Abby?" he said gravely, his dark eyes boring into hers.

TBC

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A/N: Please tell me what you think? Reviews feed the hungry muse.

**So Connor isn't psychic... and he's making some assumptions about Abby wanting some time to think. *grins* Poor Conn.**

**Musical inspirations: **

**Make You Hurt by Hana Pestle (Abby)**

**Blame it on the Changes by Dashboard Confessional (Connor)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Gah, this fic is difficult! I hope you enjoy it, and thank you to all those that took a moment to review. Connor and I both need encouragement sometimes…**

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Chapter Five

"You're bleeding all over the place. Let me see it," Abby demanded.

"No. Answer the question, Abby," he implored.

Connor's dark eyes were deathly serious and he wasn't backing down or dropping his eyes or backpedaling as he usually did. Her blood began to boil as her discomfort grew; she didn't like being put on the spot, and she didn't like feeling off-balance. She clenched her fists and glared back at him, but so far she managed to keep control of her tongue. This wasn't what she had intended to happen. Connor wasn't supposed to push back like this, and he certainly was not supposed to argue with her. She drew breath to tell him where he could shove his question, but then she saw it. His façade was cracking before her eyes.

His mouth twitched, the corners turning down before he pressed his lips together tightly. She knew he didn't want her to see it, but she did. He looked down as eyes began to fill, unable to hold his resolve any longer. His throat worked but he didn't speak. He stood abruptly and walked away from her, standing at the edge of the cliff outside of their cave, cradling his hand against his body.

"Connor…" she began, still unsure of what she was going to say to him.

His shoulders tensed but he didn't turn to face her.

"I guess I have my answer then, don't I?" he said, his voice strained and tight.

He shook his head and sighed.

"I am such an idiot," Connor said quietly, almost quiet enough so she couldn't hear it… but Connor didn't have the best grasp of volume control.

She swore that Connor brought out the worst part of her sometimes. Frustration surged through her at her inability to act like a normal human being for once. She wanted to reach out to him, to wrap her arms around him and take away all his pain… pain that _she_ caused. She wanted to argue that he was not the idiot, _she_ was. She stood, rooted to the spot, mute and frozen in indecision. He was waiting for her to go away, but she couldn't… not like this.

He swayed on his feet and made a strange strangled noise in the back of his throat. _Shit! _He was going to go over the edge if she didn't get him back away from it. She reached for him to ease him back away from the cliff, and staggered backwards under his weight as he stumbled back and almost fell into her.

"Don't feel well," he said weakly.

She eased him down on the ground, his head resting in her lap, their argument forgotten for the moment. The front of his hoodie was covered in blood where he had held his hand against it. He'd sliced open his hand from the heel of his thumb across his palm to the edge of the other side; it was a deep cut, and still bleeding. Connor's skin grew pale and clammy, his hair stuck to his forehead and she brushed it away gently… he'd been quietly bleeding out while they argued. _Idiot!_

She covered the cut with the edge of his shirt again and pressed her hand against it to try to stop the bleeding. He'd stopped trying to push her away, but she thought it was likely because he felt too ill to keep trying rather than him giving in.

"I _told_ you to show it to me, and now look what happens. Daft fool," she chastised.

Connor's eyes were glazed; he didn't even try and answer back. She tried not to panic. He had lost a little bit more blood than he should have, but it was far from life threatening if she could just get it to stop. She'd felt much the same when one of the ARC medics took too much blood on an empty stomach, she knew it felt horrible. He would feel better in a few moments though, as soon as his blood pressure normalized and he lay down long enough for the nausea and dizziness to pass. She was glad she was sat in the shade, Connor weighed more than he looked like he did, and she wouldn't want to have to try to carry him.

When he regained more of his color, she peeked at the cut on his palm and winced. It was fairly deep, but she thought it would be alright without stitches. The best she could do would be to wrap it tightly, and if she absolutely _had_ to she would try to stitch it up. She helped him to sit up and bid him to keep pressure on his palm while she searched for something to wrap it with.

Connor ended up coming up with a solution; he used a small strip from the bottom hem of his hoodie to cushion the injury, and then some of the leather from the sleeve of his jacket to fashion a guard and secured it with a few more small strips. He would need to be careful, but it should work to protect it until it healed. His gloves would have been ideal, but they had long since been destroyed beyond the point of wearing, the yarn utilized as thread and fishing line. He was able to use his fingers, and he wasn't complaining so Abby let him be when he said that he was fine.

After she'd helped patch him up, Connor had gone quiet and contemplative on her again. Knowing Connor, he was likely in the process of self-flagellation for injuring himself. He had lectured her often enough about the need to be careful. One infection, one broken bone… and it could mean death or permanent disfigurement. If they were to survive, neither one of them could afford to be reckless. Connor was probably the most easygoing and even-tempered person Abby had ever met, but he had cut his hand because he had lost his temper.

Abby had lived with Connor for three years, and she understood something about Connor that very few other people did. He got angry… he just didn't act on it. For him to let loose was a rarity. Abby had often wished she had an eighth of his control; she had a tendency to snap and snipe without thought to the consequences. This was just more evidence that being trapped here was getting to him, and Abby wasn't helping matters by adding to his stress. Still, she was getting what she asked for. Connor was giving her space… perhaps more than she wanted.

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Abby's stomach growled audibly; she was hungry. They needed to replenish their supplies desperately, surviving here was exhausting and it was made worse by the scarce food supply. They had managed a few small lizards, and of course their small meals of snails and edible foliage, but she was beginning to forget what being full felt like. Connor cast a slant eyed glance at her and she knew he had heard her stomach rumbling. He nodded to himself and went inside the cave, coming back out with spear in hand.

"Gonna try for something bigger this time." He stated, not looking at her still.

Connor was determined to take down something large enough to feed them for a few days. The traps were a good supplement to a food source, but they would starve if they depended on them solely. Abby followed along behind him silently… if _she_ couldn't go anywhere by herself then the same should apply for him. Connor didn't try to dissuade her; he acted as if he had expected her to come along as he handed her a stout branch to use as a club. He motioned for her to stay quiet. He hadn't spoken to her since she had helped him wrap up his hand. He hadn't even looked her in the eyes.

She had asked for space and she had gotten it, but not like she wanted. Connor had probably made up his mind that she was rejecting him again. She wasn't… not exactly. Okay, to be honest she had thought about it… briefly, though. After dealing with him giving her the cold shoulder all day she was a little bit angry, too. Did he expect her to just jump into his arms and snog him senseless because she said she was willing to give a relationship with him a try? What was he expecting from her now? She really wasn't sure. She wondered if he would tell her if she got up the courage to ask him. She shook herself, this was not the time to be lost in thought. She was supposed to be watching Connor's back. If something happened to him because she was careless she would never forgive herself.

Abby was sweating and tired, but she knew that Connor wasn't ready to give up even though he had been hunting for what seemed like hours. If he could do it, so could she. So far, they'd had to circle back to avoid two large dinosaurs and had yet to make a successful strike against anything small enough to take down. The sun was getting lower on the horizon and if they didn't find something soon it would mean snails for dinner again. Connor held up his hand for silence; he had seen something. She stared out through the trees and saw movement. She froze, watched in astonishment as Connor crept up silently behind what looked like a very strange bird the size of a turkey. Gone was her goofy friend that loved campy horror films and made bad jokes and had a love for funky socks… this was a different side of him.

Hunger had to be part of it. Connor had never had any spare fat on his body to begin with, and he had lost even more weight since they had been stuck here. He often pushed what little food they did have on her, saying he had enough. He forgot to eat when he was involved in a project, and he always seemed to be doing something he deemed more important than eating. He had spent many fruitless hours on the anomaly opening device in an attempt to get one working with parts from the one they had found here and the one they had taken from the future, and more time devising the traps, and still more time making weapons. She didn't like seeing him so thin, and it worried her.

Stress had to play another part, stripping away the softer edges of him. He was trying so hard to keep them alive, to keep them healthy and fed… to get them home safe. He was trying, and the failures were eating at him despite her reassurances that he was doing as much as he could and she knew it. His blindingly bright smile was a rare occurrence lately; he more often wore a look of pensive sadness. He tried to act positive, but Abby knew it for what it was…

This determined hunter sneaking up on what she hoped was their dinner was yet another departure from what she knew of Connor. His dark eyes were intense as he moved forward in a low crouch, moving in behind the creature purposefully. He took a running start and thrust the spear downward into the spine of the creature. She flinched as Connor struck a killing blow, felling it quickly. He turned to look at her with utter amazement plainly written on his face.

"Yes! Woohoo!" he shouted, before he remembered where they were.

She ran over to get a better look at it, and gasped as a laughing Connor picked her up in a joyful bear hug. It was the old Connor… almost.

"What _is_ it?" she asked curiously after he put her down.

"Velociraptor." he answered quickly.

"I thought they were bigger... and less… feathered," she commented.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't tell me you are trying use _Jurassic Park _as your example. Please."

She shrugged a little self-consciously, "I didn't think it would look like _this_."

He chuckled and turned his full-out broad dimpled grin on her. God, she had missed that. She looked up into his dancing brown eyes and smiled back warmly. Realization flickered behind his eyes and the smile slid from his face along with all the joy behind it. He cleared his throat and took a step back. Abby swallowed down her disappointment and tried to act as if she wasn't bothered.

"I'll clean it if you build up the fire, yeah?" he offered.

She knew how to clean animals… truth be told she was better at it than Connor, but he knew she hated to do it. He had dissected enough things at Uni so that he had a passable skill at it even if it wasn't pretty, but with his hand injured it would be difficult for him. She wondered if it was a peace offering of sorts. She hoped so, the tension between them had continued to build throughout the day and his excitement at his successful hunting had broken it somewhat. She wanted to fix it.

"Don't be ridiculous, Connor. You're hurt. I'll clean it, you get the fire ready… then we can both go wash up in the river while it roasts," she proposed.

He looked as if he might argue, but then he just nodded. He slit the creature's throat to let it bleed out, and then they made their way back to the river so she could clean the kill away from the campsite. Connor stood watch while she made quick work of it and then he took over the cooking. Dinosaur meat left a lot to be desired in the taste category, but it was calories and that meant survival. The first time, they had eaten it raw. Since that, no matter what they ate it was palatable in comparison. She wasn't complaining.

Dinner seen to, they made their way back down to the base of the waterfall, watching carefully for the family group of Deinonychus. Before they had headed down, Connor had flatly stated that the base of the waterfall was off limits when they were alone. They would go together, or not at all. She had taken one look at the stubborn set of his jaw and decided that it wasn't worth it to argue. He was right, and he wasn't going by himself either so she didn't have a good basis for an argument anyway.

The traps were empty. Dinosaur for dinner, then. She pulled off her jacket and dropped it on the rocks and then told Connor to go first, and then he could watch for her. He began trying to rinse out his hoodie, struggling to do it one-handed. Sighing, Abby took it from him and rinsed it until no more blood ran from it and then lay it on the rocks to dry. She had to help him off with his black t-shirt, and once again she was reminded of what she had said to him about thinking he was well fit and turned away to hide her blush.

"Hurry up, Connor," she said nonchalantly, hoping he hadn't realized how he affected her.

She heard him splash behind her, washing off all traces of blood. She pulled off her striped hoodie as she waited and began to rinse it out as she waited for him to finish. She was angry that the illusion of safety of this place had been destroyed for her; it had been one of her favorite places to relax. Now she just wanted to hurry up and get back to their camp.

"Alright Abby," He called out.

She turned to face him again and thrust the spear into his good hand. She expected him to turn around immediately, but he didn't. She found her eyes chasing a rivulet of water down his chest and snapped them back up to his face… _oh god, _now she was staring at his lips! She blinked rapidly and then motioned impatiently for him to turn around. He stared at her for a moment, challenge in his gaze before slowly turning his back on her. Evidently he had remembered what she said about his body, as well. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and tried to get the image of him out of her mind. It wasn't working so well while she was staring at his wet naked back and tight arse covered in wet black denim.

She stared resolutely down into the water and rinsed off quickly, inwardly cursing herself and Connor, and dinosaur meat and the Cretaceous, the traps, the sun, and the frigid water as she rinsed her clothing out, squeezed as much water as she could from it and then pulled it back on. She called out to Connor as she made her way out of the water, not pausing to wait for him as she scooped up her jacket and headed back. He hurried along behind her, likely as anxious to get back to the camp as she was.

That sat across from each other in front of the fire after eating their fill. Abby watched Connor from under her lashes. He was staring into the fire, expression bleak. He had retreated into himself, in as dark a place as she had ever seen him in. He didn't try to make conversation, didn't pretend to smile. He was in pain and he was letting Abby see just how much. It hurt, to see him like this… hurt even more knowing that it was because of her.

She would ask him what he expected from her. That was as good a place to start as any, between them. She just knew that this tension between them couldn't continue as it was. He had said he would wait another three years for her to be ready if he had to, but in her experience people often didn't truly mean what they said. His reaction to her this morning certainly didn't give her any hope that he had meant it.

But what if he did? She wanted her best friend back, and perhaps more than that. She took a deep breath and gathered her courage. Abby was a tough girl, and she didn't let go of what she wanted without a fight… and she wanted that big bright smile back in her life.

TBC

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A/N: Well? Please tell me what you think? Reviews= motivation after all. Feed that poor muse? She's been eating dinosaur…

**These two are such a train wreck, if they could just see how much they meant to the other. *sigh* You know, Connor was beginning to get more assertive towards the last part of season three… I think he was finally getting to the point where he could have enough belief in himself to say what he wants and just maybe to believe he deserves more. I also think he is so desperately in love with Abby at this point that it is killing him to not be with her… the little crumbs she has been giving him aren't enough for him anymore. Not after that kiss, not after what she told him about her life, and not after she just admitted she loved him and kissed him again. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Whew, marathon writing at its best. I was trying my hardest to get this chapter out quick for ya'll because I'm going to be out of town visiting the in-laws from the 11-22****nd****. I doubt I'll be able to get that much writing done, but I'll do my best.**

**And thank you so much for reviewing! This piece is difficult, and it helps! **

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Chapter Six

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach; she was nervous. Fear had always made Abby act impulsively, but this time she was determined to make sure she'd not do anything stupid. It only took one more look at Connor sitting in miserable silence across from her to reinforce her decision. She would never know what he wanted from her if she didn't ask. She wasn't doing herself any favors either by holding everything in. She _could_ have found a way to explain that she needed time to think without it coming across as rejection. She _should_ have. Abby sighed and shifted uncomfortably. She didn't know how to begin.

"You need to dry your jeans or you are going to catch your death," she spat out; she winced inwardly at the tone.

_Impossible._ She thought. Her own mouth was rebelling against her.

Connor nodded absently. He was in his own world and it looked as if he hadn't really heard what she had said, or perhaps he heard and just chose not to act on it. Really, she needed to get out of her own wet clothes. Her vest, knickers and bra would dry fast enough, but her jeans would have to be removed an laid out to dry. She stripped them off, acting as if standing in front of Connor clad only in her knickers, bra and vest were the most ordinary thing in the world. Once, it had been. Those days of easy familiarity were behind them; knowing what lay unsaid between them had made such things awkward. They both tried to pretend otherwise; they had become masters at ignoring the obvious.

"Conn. Take off your trousers," she said again.

_That _caught his attention. She flushed as she realized how that must've sounded.

"What?" he said, eyes wide.

"You need to dry them," she clarified.

"Oh. Right," he replied, an unreadable expression on his face.

He turned around and stripped them off and lay them on the rocks next to hers. He self consciously draped his jacket over his lap and settled back down by the fire. The silence between them thickened and stretched, growing into a choking uncomfortable miasma. Abby couldn't shake the overwhelming sense of _wrongness_ that tainted what should have been the best time of the day. The roaring fire and limited access to their cave gave them a sense of security and allowed them to relax in a way that was impossible anywhere else. Nocturnal creatures aside, most of the animals were sleeping once the sun set.

Usually they would talk to each other, but tonight there was only silence between them as they sat clad in only their under things and stared into the fire.

"Connor…" Abby said quietly, attempting to try again.

"If you are going to tell me you want to still be my friend, I'd rather not hear it right now," Connor interrupted.

She flinched. Did he mean it? If she had told him she really wasn't interested would he no longer be her friend? What if it didn't work between them?

"You mean it?" Abby asked in a small voice.

"That I don't fancy hearing you reject me again? Yeah," he replied bitterly.

_Oh._ She had misunderstood. She wondered how many times they had misread each other because they were afraid to ask what the other meant. How many times she had hurt him by it. She had done the unforgivable. She had turned open and trusting Connor into this bitter and wounded man that was sat across from her. She remembered a time when he'd not been afraid to flirt with her; before she had rejected him so often and so thoughtlessly that his confidence had been shattered.

"Connor, I'm not rejecting you. We need to talk," she said finally, gathering her courage.

"A talk," he nodded, inhaling deeply.

He looked as if he were steeling himself for a mortal blow, despite her assurance to him that she was not rejecting him. The fact that she wielded such power over him, to be able to wound him so deeply was a testament to how much he felt for her. Abby knew the more you loved someone, the more they could hurt you. It had been yet another one of her litany of rationalizations to keep him at arms length; she'd had enough pain in her life. She didn't want to invite more, but she had to admit it… it was too late.

She looked at the ground. It was easier if she didn't have to look into his dark eyes, to see the desperate hope and fear within their depths.

"I need to know what you expect from me," she managed to get out, sounding confident somehow.

It was a lie; she wasn't confident at all. She was trembling inside, and she wished she would have waited until their clothes had dried before she had started this conversation. She was sat both literally and figuratively half naked; the saving grace being Connor was likely feeling much the same. She'd been afraid if she put it off any longer she would lose her nerve altogether. Better this than not at all, she supposed.

Silence. She raised her eyes cautiously, deathly afraid of what he would say. He was looking down at the ground, chewing his lip in a familiar nervous gesture.

"Connor?" she said finally, and this time all the fear and uncertainty she was feeling was in her voice.

She cleared her throat, embarrassed by how much she had given away. She felt her face burning, but they would never get anywhere if one of them didn't reach out with some measure of honesty and openness. It seemed it was going to be her. Connor would never win any prizes for perception, but he would have had to be deaf to have missed the pleading way she'd said his name. His head snapped up; she read shock in his expression and something else she couldn't read at all.

"What I expect?" he asked, confused.

She nodded and waited for him to continue. His brows drew together, but he continued to stare at her, perplexed. His mouth opened and shut, but nothing came out.

"I don't understand," he replied.

She sighed and tried not to let her exasperation show. Apparently, she was going to have to spell it out for him. She reminded herself that she needed to be patient with him. She could have used his ignorance as an excuse to drop it… she bloody well would like to… but he was giving her that _look._ The same one he had turned on her before; when she'd had to break his heart and clue him in that he was being thick… Caroline was a fake.

"This morning I needed a little bit of space to think about things… and you were hurt. You seemed to think that I was supposed to start throwing myself at you, or something. I need to know if you expect me to act like a proper girlfriend, because I don't think I can," she explained.

Connor blinked rapidly and then his face grew serious and thoughtful, the confusion erased. Good. He had understood her. She was grateful; she honestly did not believe that she could continue on any longer. She had pushed herself as far as she could go… he'd have to meet her halfway. She was relieved to see that he was actually considering his answer. Connor was brilliant, but his social skills were even worse than her own. He usually spoke first and thought later, but she wanted him to truly understand what he was in for before he answered her.

"A proper girlfriend? Abby… I just want _you,_" he answered sincerely.

She ground her jaw at his naïve answer, sweet though it may be. Connor was watching her, waiting for her response and she struggled with herself to not get up and walk away. He just wanted_ her?_ What kind of daft answer was that? Did he not understand? Did he not see what he was getting himself into?

"Never mind, Connor. Forget I said anything," the scathing words were out before she had time to censor them. She was backing away, shutting down, and she couldn't even stop herself. It was as if she was watching someone else take hold of her mouth and throw verbal spears at Connor just to see him wince.

His nostrils flared and his jaw firmed, "No."

She blinked, taken aback.

"Perhaps I should be asking you what you expect of me. I don't know what you want from me, Abby. You tell me you love me and then you tell me you need to be alone. You say you can't be a proper girlfriend? What the hell is that anyway? We're not exactly in London you know…I'm not going to be taking you out for dinner, as much as I'd like to. I tell you I just want to be with you and you act like I'm an idiot. You want me to tell you what? I am trying, Abby, but I don't understand. Why are you making this so damn hard?" he ranted, almost incoherent as the words spilled free from him in a torrent.

Abby had the distinct feeling that she was listening to a conversation he'd had with himself before. He was up and pacing, ignoring his state of undress in the face of his ire. He knelt down next to her so she had no choice but to meet his gaze.

"What do you want from me Abby? I'll give it, whatever it is… but I need to know," he implored, his eyes searching hers, begging for understanding, begging for an answer.

Abby swallowed hard and breathed in to steady herself, "Can you be patient? Can you go slow and try not to be hurt when I push you away? I do that when I'm scared, and I'm scared. I'm terrified. I don't mean to hurt you Connor… I just… sometimes I say things that I don't mean."

He nodded, "Yeah. I can do that. I've been chasing you over three years, Abby. I think I can be patient if need be."

Abby smiled tremulously, "And I need to initiate… things. If I say stop…"

Connor nodded vigorously, "Of course."

"You are sure you want this? What if I never…" Abby questioned.

"I am sure. We'll deal with it one day at a time, yeah?" he insisted.

Abby nodded, "It's a start."

Connor smiled that bright smile of his at her, and she knew she had done the right thing. She was new at this, and it would be rough going, but she _would_ try. Connor would try, and she had full faith in him if not for herself.

"I don't suppose that now that you're me girlfriend that you'd consider huddling together for warmth, eh?" Connor asked cheekily.

Abby smiled despite herself. She'd missed this about Connor; he could always make her smile, "I think our clothes are dry now."

He looked uncertain, afraid he might have pressed a boundary he shouldn't have. He hadn't; she always felt safe in Connor's arms. He would never do anything to hurt her, not ever. She was freezing… why not?

"After we get dressed, if you like," she replied.

"Okay," he smiled shyly.

She leaned back into the circle of Connor's arms, feeling safe and warm and more content than she had ever been without him. He was telling her about spending holidays with his Gran. She had never really had any good memories of the holidays, save for the ones she had spent with Connor. She smiled at the thought as she realized that of all the good memories she had built in her adult life, she had shared most of them with him. The weekly trips to the rental shop to pick out a film to watch together, the quiet evenings and lazy days off.

Their first Christmas together was one of her favorite memories. Connor had surprised her with a very pretty purple scarf as a gift, and it was still one of her favorites. The second one where he made her a full breakfast and bought her new sparring gloves… or the third. He'd spent too much, and she had refused to accept it. Jewelry was something that lovers exchanged, after all, not mates. She'd pretended not to see the heartbreak, and had accepted the CDs he gave her instead after he took back the bracelet with an embarrassed smile.

"I'm sorry, Connor," she said, interrupting his story.

"For?" he asked.

"The bracelet. I'm sorry I didn't accept it. It was beautiful, and I wanted to," she clarified.

"Oh, that. I still have it," he admitted, his words barely audible.

"You do? Why?" she asked incredulously.

"Hoped someday I might be able to try to give it to you again. Stupid, I know," he replied in that same low tone.

"No. It isn't," she demurred as she turned and kissed his cheek, and then settled in closer to him.

When they settled in to sleep that night, she lay down right next to Connor as she had the night before. He gave her a look of momentary surprise, but then wrapped his arm around her and tucked her in closer. Her head pillowed on his chest, she let the steady beating of his heart lull her into sleep. It would be a slow road between them, but she was going to try.

TBC

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A/N: Well here was the li'l bit 'o comfort for ya. I hope you enjoyed this one. Please tell me if you did (or if you didn't). Feed my poor hungry muse? It'll help keep me motivated to try to write in a house full of in-laws, six kids and six other adults (!##!) Joy.

**Musical inspiration by Dashboard Confessional yet again. Song: Hell on the Throat - "But all these years in pursuit made a man of a fool, till every word I say is on waver."**

**AA/N: For my 'Forever' readers, just published a Missing Reel 'Miss Me?'… think of it as a going away gift :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Well I know this has taken much longer than usual, but I hope it was worth the wait. Tough writing while on vacation at my in-laws. For those of you that have reviewed, thank you sooo much. Reviews are inspiration food for the muse.**

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Chapter 7

She woke next to him again the following morning. She was determined to hold it together today; she knew she had lost a measure of trust with Connor due to her reticence, and she desperately wanted to avoid a repeat performance of the uncomfortable tense silences of the day before. She plodded through what had become her typical morning routine and waited for Connor to wake. Abby tried not to think too hard on the fact that she had established a morning routine here… she'd not liked where those thoughts ended. Right on schedule, just after the water had heated through, Connor woke.

Abby gave him a timid smile and winced inwardly at the stark relief on his face before he attempted to cover it. He smiled back shyly, hope in his eyes and heart on his sleeve, and she was painfully reminded of the time he had looked at her the very same way… right before she had shattered him by saying she didn't want it to be weird between them. Abby had relived that moment again and again since that day. She could see he was remembering it as well by the way his smile had grown brittle around the edges before it slid from his face.

"Morning, Connor," she said, wanting to break the tension.

"Morning. So… did you sleep well?" he asked nervously.

She cleared her throat and nodded, "Yeah. I did, as well as I can here. You?"

"Same… but it was nice sleeping next to you," He added, his eyes cast downwards.

He glanced back up at her through his lashes and then back down as if he was afraid of her reaction. Once again, she could hardly blame him.

"It was," she agreed, her own face burning at the admission.

He met her eyes and grinned broadly. It was worth the embarrassment that admitting it cost her, just to see the pure joy bubbling up within him. She could hardly believe that such a small thing could make him so happy, but it did; it took little from her to make him happy. She had been fighting against her attraction to him for so long that now it took a concentrated effort on her part to give it to him. She decided straight away that she would try harder to show the things she thought and felt for him. She needn't be embarrassed with Connor; he knew she was softer inside than she would ever let on. In all honesty, he likely gave her more credit than she deserved; he seemed to think of her as a kind person, and she had never seen herself that way at all.

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The next few days came and went, and Abby and Connor's relationship was much unchanged, aside from the fact that she lay down at his side every evening for bed and lay her head on his chest. He always wrapped his arms around her and he had even dared to kiss her hair softly, but that was as far as he ever took things. Connor had not even attempted to kiss her again, and Abby was beginning to wonder if maybe she had put a little too much emphasis on wanting to initiate things herself. Another few days passed and she was no longer sure if he was even interested in doing so.

The tension was growing between them again, and Abby was determined to put a stop to it. They were with each other twenty-four hours a day, and there was no way to hide it, or ignore it, or do any of the other things they often did to bury the truth and avoid the uncomfortable. Trapped in the past together, they depended on each other far too much to truly avoid the other, but Connor was giving it his best go. He was beginning to retreat from her, and _that_ was something that hurt her much more deeply than she imagined it would. Possibly because she had never thought that Connor ever _could _pull away from her. She would confront him about it… soon. Definitely soon… just not now.

Abby never seemed to be able to find the right words to say to Connor. Every time she tried to put her thoughts into speech, they sounded all wrong. She resigned herself to try again tomorrow, secretly hoping that Connor would bring it up. He generally talked nonstop… his silence was even more telling than any words he could say. It was getting to the breaking point, and _this_ time she didn't even know why or how it happened.

The end of the day came, and Connor was still ignoring her. Abby felt a moment of true fear as Connor failed to hold her to him that evening, but she wordlessly grasped his arms and positioned them around her and he let her. He didn't wish her sweet dreams, and there was no soft kiss on her hair. She swallowed back the tears rising, but one escaped her. She hoped he hadn't noticed. No. She had to be honest with herself, at least. She hoped he had.

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The following day, Connor didn't even tell her good morning. Enough was enough. She watched him drink his 'tea,' which was in all actuality was made from the of inner bark of a tree. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good either. They both drank it more for the comfort of a habit from home rather than for taste. She stared at him as she drank hers, hoping that he would ask her what was on her mind, or why she was staring, or _something._ He didn't rise to take the bait. She grumbled to herself and ignored him back, determined to one-up him.

By the time the day passed into late afternoon, Connor still hadn't offered up more than a few monosyllables. Her ploy of ignoring him had failed miserably. She just wanted this to stop. Well, she had never been one to mince words.

"This has to go both ways, Connor," she said bluntly.

"Eh?" he said in reply.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, "This." She said, gesturing between the two of them. "Us."

"What do ya mean? I've been giving ya space, like ya asked," he disagreed.

"No. You haven't been giving me space, you have been ignoring me. There is a difference," she argued.

"I have not," he countered, his voice rising an octave.

'You didn't even tell me good morning, Connor," she replied in challenge.

"I… Well, that is… I just… " he sighed and shook his head as if to clear it.

She waited, arms crossed, eyebrow raised.

"I…" he started, then broke off again, frustrated.

"You what?" she replied, equally frustrated.

"I don't know what to do," he admitted.

Abby stared at him, tried to hide her annoyance, "So you figured ignoring me was the answer?"

He shrugged, "I don't want to muck it up between us. Seemed a safe bet."

"Oh, Connor…" she sighed.

He looked back at her miserably, his face and ears red. They were such a mess. Connor had his own share of issues, but he'd never seen fit to share their basis with her, and she had never asked. She _wanted_ to know, but she was afraid she would open Pandora's box if she did. She avoided any conversations dealing with her past, or anyone else's. She knew she came across as standoffish, but she knew nothing else. Oh, she could pretend well enough, but it was uncomfortable and felt awkward, even if she appeared confident. People were confusing; it was best if she stuck with her lizards.

She knew Connor had a mum that never came to see him, and that he got exactly one card at each birthday and Christmas, but never any presents. He always put them in his room, and never shared them with her. No one ever rang him on the phone at the flat, but he had his mobile with him constantly so she had no real idea of who might be calling. She'd overheard one conversation with his mum, but she had retreated quickly and quietly, feeling as if she was snooping. She couldn't help but remember the shame and pain in his voice as he talked to her… it had given her pause, even then. Connor was any mother's dream child… brilliant and sweet, handsome and kind. She couldn't see any reason for it.

"You can kiss me, if you like," she offered quietly.

"Whenever I like?" he asked carefully.

She was taken aback by the question, "Of course, that's what I meant."

He gave a short chuff of laughter, "Not what you said, though."

"Well you can, okay? I didn't mean you couldn't touch me," she explained.

He nodded, but something still seemed off with him. For one, she would have thought he would try to make good on her offer straight away, and he didn't. For another, he still looked miserable.

"Connor? What is it?" she asked after a few long uncomfortable moments.

He cast her one last serious but opaque stare, and she thought for a second he might speak. He shook his head and stood up, turning away from her.

"Nothin, Abby. We need to get moving, yeah?" he replied.

She snorted, "Fine. Whatever, let's go."

He turned back to her, again looked as if he might say something, but then snapped his mouth shut.

She followed him down to check their traps as they did every morning and evening. Abby tried not to get her hopes up for any mammals or fish, but it was hard. They had so little to look forward to, and good meals were rare. Connor had continued to improve his hunting prowess, but mammals were well outnumbered by dinosaurs in this era. They _were_ eating regularly now, thanks to him… but it did not mean that it always tasted good. Salt… what she would give for a little salt.

They moved quietly, ever watchful for the family of Deinonychus that had moved into the clearing by the base of the waterfall and showed no desire to leave. Connor lowered his spear and waved her closer, gesturing that the area was clear at the moment. Abby went to the water traps while Connor checked the ground traps. She saw movement as she got closer, and had to suppress a whoop of joy as she saw three good sized fish in the trap. Fish were the one thing here that actually tasted _good._ They would feast tonight. Connor made his way back to her; he held up a small fur covered rat-like creature proudly.

She smiled and hugged him spontaneously; he hugged her back with one arm. He glanced at her mouth as if he was thinking about kissing her, but then broke away clearing his throat uncomfortably. She was too excited to let it bother her at the moment; she pointed down to the trap.

"Fish!" she exclaimed joyously.

He grinned back, dropped the rat-like creature and helped her dispatch the fish with a heavy rock. They carried back up their cache after Connor had cleaned and gutted the fish and she had done the same for the mammal. His hand was healing, but it was still tender so she took the more difficult of the two tasks. Abby built up the fire while Connor spitted their dinner, and then they both sat back to watch it roast. Connor tinkered with the anomaly opening device while their dinner cooked and Abby didn't even bother trying to occupy herself… her thoughts were enough.

She watched Connor and thought of what it would be like to have a life with him. She came to the conclusion that it had the potential to be good… very good. It was worth working for, she was sure of it. First she had to get Connor to talk to her without her losing her temper with him again. He was just so thick sometimes.

They ate quietly, enjoying the rare delicacies. Connor seemed to have warmed to her somewhat; he was looking at her now, although he still wasn't acting normal. Well… normal for Connor. She watched him, waiting for the right moment to act. When he made as if he was going to retire to bed early, she pounced. She sat across from him so he would have to look her in the face.

"What else was the problem, Connor? We are settling this," she asserted in her best 'no arguments' tone of voice.

He froze, "I thought we had?" he replied finally.

"No. You're acting weird," she retorted.

He winced and she instantly regretted her choice of words. Oh well, she was committed to this. She would see it through. Abby tried to be calm and easy with him. He was like a wounded animal right now, and she needed to remember that.

"Conn? You said you didn't know what to do. What did you mean?" she asked as gently as she could.

He shrugged, "I dunno, Abby. All of the sudden, I don't know how to act around you."

She wasn't buying it. That wasn't it. At least not _all_ of it, "And?"

"And… you are acting like… like you had changed your mind again. Like nothing changed between us. I can't _do_ that anymore, Abby. I just _can't._ _Please_ don't ask me to. I'm afraid to kiss you, or hold your hand, or just touch you… and I _want_ to, but I feel like I don't have the right," he admitted.

"I told you that you could kiss me, if you like. And I won't ask you to go back to how it was, okay? Connor, how about this? If you push things too far, I'll ask you to stop," she offered.

He shifted uncomfortably, but nodded.

"What?" she asked.

Connor met her gaze and gnawed his lip anxiously, "Can I try again, or should I wait for you to say something? What if I do something wrong? What if I scare you and you can't stand for me to be near you at all? What if…"

"Conn…" she said gently.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"Do you want to kiss me, or not?" she asked, her harsh words tempered with humor.

He nodded and leaned in slowly. He cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand and brushed his lips against hers softly at first. As she opened her mouth to him he kissed her back more firmly, his tongue sweeping across hers. Abby melted into it, tangled her fingers into his hair and kissed him with all the fervor and heat she had been suppressing. He pulled her closer, and she put her other arm around him to respond in kind.

Although their embrace was heated and had him breathing unsteadily, Connor kept his hands in the safe zones. Abby had tensed slightly as he had pulled her into his lap, but this was Connor she was snogging. Connor was safe. His hands were gentle and his lips were soft, but the muscles of his chest and shoulders were hard under her roving hands. She was aroused, no doubt about it… but he seemed content for now just to kiss her, although the hardness pressing against her gave evidence to the contrary. He broke away and rested his forehead against hers. He was panting and had his eyes squeezed shut. Her own breathing was erratic; but she didn't want to chance going farther. This was so nice… she'd not want the moment ruined.

"I can kiss you anytime, yeah?" he whispered.

"Yeah," she replied, shocked at how low and hoarse she sounded.

The corner of his mouth lifted but he kept his eyes shut, "Good. I am trying to tell my body that, but I think it needed to hear it from you."

Abby couldn't help but smile, although her own body was needing some convincing as well.

A few moments later his eyes opened and he smiled at her, "We alright then?"

Abby nodded, "Think so, yes."

He kissed her again, soft, gentle, and sweet and then lay down for bed. She tucked herself in next to him and lay her head on his chest. She felt his lips as he kissed her hair.

"Sweet dreams, Abby," he said softly.

"Goodnight Connor," she answered.

She had a lot to think about, but she'd had a long emotional day and it had taken its toll. In the warm comfort of Connor's embrace she was asleep almost instantly. She thought she heard him whisper that he loved her, but it could have been the beginnings of a dream. In her dream, she told him she loved him back. She didn't know if she spoke he words aloud.

**TBC**

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A/N: Angsty lil idiots, aren't they? Wouldn't be Connor and Abby if it wasn't. Well, what did you think? I really hope ya'll liked this. Please tell me if you did (or hated it)? Reviews are love and help me to write!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well here she is… a little Connor emotional baggage, anyone? **

**As always, to the sweet folks that review… thank you! You inspire me more than you know.**

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Chapter Eight

If either Connor or Abby thought that there would be time for all the sweet niceties that new relationships usually had, they were mistaken. There was little time for hand holding or flirting, and there was certainly no chance for Abby to do 'the girl thing.' It would have been weird to do those things with Connor anyway… well, the girl thing would have been weird. She and Connor had known each other far too long for that, and she was determined that in _this _relationship she would be herself.

She needed it to work between them, now that she had agreed to try, and pretending to be something she was not was a sure recipe for failure. The hand holding and flirting would have been nice, she mused. Connor's flirting usually left her wanting to laugh rather than enticing her, but she had to admit that she liked that about him. A chat-up specialist he was not, nor would ever be. A proper date would be nice… with some Vindaloo for dinner and a cold Corona.

A strange sort of courtship had developed between them in the week or so since she had told Connor he could kiss her whenever he liked… and he had nearly set her afire with the resulting kiss. She couldn't help but remember it every time she looked at him, and it was just so weird to think of him _that_ way… but now she did. Abby was a practical girl, not prone to flighty emotions or crushes, and she never would have thought that _Connor_ of all people would be able to make her heart race and stomach flutter. He did, though.

Aside from a soft smile and almost chaste kiss from Connor every morning, or the times she would catch him staring at her wearing an expression that was decidedly more familiar than mere friendship warranted, he never acted as if she was anything other than his best mate during the daylight hours, and she reacted the same. They didn't have the luxury for anything else, not here. Just one second of inattention to their surroundings could mean death.

During the day they focused on survival, and lately, scouting farther and farther away in the hope they would see another anomaly. It was dangerous, and they had already had another close call with another group of juvenile raptors, but Connor was determined to get them home. He had grown increasingly frustrated with his efforts to fix the anomaly opening device; he had begun to give up the hope that he could ever fix it. Abby hated to see the ever optimistic Connor disheartened, but she was beginning to lose hope as well.

In the evenings near the security of their fire, it was different. They put the troubles of survival behind them and took comfort in each other. Abby wasn't sure she was doing or saying the right thing most of the time, but she _was_ trying. It wasn't easy for her, and it became rapidly apparent to her that it wasn't always easy for Connor either. She still sniped and struck out blindly and lost her temper with him. She still spoke before she thought, most times… and Connor still took it. Most times.

She had been thinking a lot about Connor, and why he always seemed to accept her barbs as if they were his proper due. Connor had never brought up his past either, and Abby had been racking her brain trying to think of the best way to broach the subject. It had been one of the things she liked best about living with Connor; he didn't bring it up and she'd not had to worry about coming up with any plausible lies. Abby was an expert at avoidance, but intentionally introducing such a delicate subject was foreign territory. Tonight she was going to give it a go.

Connor had settled in next to her, his arm around her. He had gotten more sure of himself in that capacity in the past week. In the evenings, he would hold her hand or put his arm around her as they talked. It helped them both feel not quite so alone in a world that they didn't belong in. They had also shared a few more of those steaming hot kisses, but Connor never tried to press beyond that. She knew he wanted to, and he did his best to conceal how hard it was for him to stop at just a kiss. The all too brief interludes had left her wanting more, but she was deathly afraid of going farther.

She'd had a few boyfriends before she met Connor, but she always broke it off before they got anywhere near the stage beyond serious snogging. She'd gotten a reputation as a tease in college, and she had encouraged it because she would rather be a tease than a freak. She had gone through a phase where she had gone out almost every night, flirting and dancing with men in the clubs fairly indiscriminately. It took just one night where a man that had been chatting her up had tried to drag her out to an alley to put an end to those escapades. She decided to try to be normal instead, and so she gave the next guy she was interested in a decent shot at it.

Reggie was her serious boyfriend in college… her attempt at normalcy. He said he'd secretly fancied her for a long time, and was fine with going slow. She had found out much later that it was because he was getting plenty from other girls. It figured… she always dated the worst guys. She'd liked him a lot, but she didn't love him, and that was truly a blessing. Their relationship ended in disaster. Abby had finally allowed their snogging to progress into some heavy petting… she thought that with Reggie it would be alright. He'd never pushed her to go farther than she wanted, and her body said to go farther, so she tried.

The night had ended with Abby in embarrassed tears after she had belted him one, kicked him in the crotch and then screamed for him to stop touching her. The opportunity to work at the zoo had come soon after, and Abby was more than happy to leave school and all the bad memories of her time there behind to take her dream job. She looked back on Reggie as a learning experience; she'd not make the same mistake again. She'd briefly entertained the idea of trying again with Stephen, (who ended up being as bad as Reggie, apparantly) but aside from him, there had been no one she'd even been willing to try with. That is, until Connor.

Connor had said he would just stop if she asked him to, and she believed he would, but a little part of her was deathly afraid he would react like Reggie had. He'd called her a crazy bitch and told her not to come near him again. She didn't want to see that look of disgust on Connor's face; she couldn't bear it from him. She was scared to go any further. He would have to initiate it, she couldn't bring herself to... She couldn't even figure out how to tell him.

It was confusing, this thing between her and Connor. It was unlike any sort of relationship she had ever been in. She wondered if it was that way for Connor, but he never spoke of other girls, or past relationships, or much of anything personal beyond a few little anecdotes from his childhood. Anything in his teen years seemed to be off-limits.

Like most evenings, Connor rambled on through the majority of their conversation. She teased him that he even talked in his sleep… but again Abby was noticing that he shied away from anything that had to do with his past every time she tried to gently steer their conversation in that direction. Fine. She'd lost patience with gentle. If he didn't want to tell her, she'd deal with it, but she would start asking the questions.

"Do you have a family, Connor?" Abby asked point-blank; subtlety had never been her strong suit.

He gave that nervous laugh and smile, shifting uncomfortably, "Yeah. Of course I do, or I wouldn't be here, would I?" he joked.

"Don't be more thick than you already are, Connor," Abby snapped, her patience with his sidestepping worn completely through.

Connor visibly flinched at her harsh words; the verbal lashing had come taken him unawares. He swallowed hard and nodded obediently. Abby felt her chest constrict as he smiled to hide the pain. She was a horrid person, she berated herself.

She drew in a deep breath and tried to mitigate the damage done by her thoughtless words, "I'm sorry, Conn. I didn't mean it to come out like that. I just want to know a little more about you, and you never give me a straight answer."

He gave a short bitter laugh as he stood and paced away from her.

"S'alright. Kind of reminds me of home, actually. Is it sad that it makes me a bit homesick?" he asked cynically.

"Oh," Abby replied, at a loss for how to answer.

"I just don't like to talk about me family, I'm not trying to hide it," he explained.

"Like I did, you mean?" Abby replied tightly.

He spun to face her, "No!"

"I didn't mean… I just…," he sighed and shook his head, frustrated, "I can't ever seem to say the right things," he added under his breath, but she heard it.

"You'll not want to hear it, anyway," he continued, his gaze firmly fixed on the ground at his feet.

"Come here," Abby ordered, but her tone was gentle.

As usual, he obeyed her. He sat down next to her again, but he didn't take her hand or put his arm around her. Her fingers twitched restlessly; her hand shook a little as she reached out to take his hand in hers. Connor started, turning his head to stare at her. If she had seriously entertained the thought that he would overlook that _she_ was reaching for _him_ for once, she was mistaken. Despite the cloud of oblivion that Connor was perpetually in when it concerned himself, he didn't miss all that much where she was concerned. A fleeting smile crossed his face as his fingers curled around hers.

"I want to hear it, but if you don't want to tell me-" Abby began.

"No. I… I want to," Connor interrupted.

"I have a mum, back in Blackburn. We don't talk much anymore. Me father died when I was twelve," he said softly, fingering the ring he wore on a leather thong around his neck.

"How?" Abby asked, hesitant to interrupt for fear he would stop speaking.

She laughed to herself at the thought; she'd never thought she would ever be able to say that about Connor, but his soft halting words seemed to come from a place inside of him that he was not used to sharing.

"He was on a dig in Columbia. He was a respected archeologist, you see. He used to take me along on some of the closer digs," Connor stated proudly, "He's why I decided to study Paleontology in the first place," Connor paused, his dark eyes unfocused.

He stared into the fire for a few long moments, the light flickering and casting strange shadows over his face. He ran a hand through his hair in a nervous gesture. Abby saw the muscle in his jaw tick, and she gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"He was supposed to be safe in the village the team was staying in, but a renegade group of guerrillas overran it. Terrorists. He wasn't worth enough ransom to bother, so they killed him," Connor related, his voice steady and even until it cracked on the last word and gave away his distress.

"I'm sorry," she said simply, her voice laden with sympathy.

Connor nodded, but didn't speak. She saw his throat working as he swallowed back his tears. Abby let go of his hand and put her arms around him, easily giving into the urge to comfort him. First and foremost, Connor was her friend, and he needed a hug.

The silence had stretched for so long she assumed he was done speaking. It was hard for him, and she understood that. She wasn't going to attempt to drag more out of him tonight. He settled in against the wall of the cave with his arms around her, and she relaxed back into him, closing her eyes. She jumped a little when his voice, pitched low and soft, began again.

"Mum took it hard. She got a little… protective. She wanted me to study computers… said Paleontology was not an option," Connor stated.

"She doesn't approve of your career choices, I take it?" Abby guessed.

Connor snorted derisively, "Not at _all._ And if she found out I was doing fieldwork now? Not a good thing." He gave a short laugh, but like his earlier smile, it was a cover for his pain, "She said I 'wasn't suited for it.' I had a 'weak constitution,' whatever the hell _that_ meant, and that I was meant to be doing something safe where I wouldn't be hurt. She said I should be responsible for once and study something worthwhile."

He grinned at her, his dimple coming out in full force, but it didn't fool her. She saw the shine in his eyes; she saw the bone deep anguish, carefully hidden under an easygoing nature and ready smile. Poor Connor. Bad childhoods came in all shapes and sizes.

"I did it anyway, din't I? No matter what I do, I am a disappointment to her, so I decided to take the scholarship and study Paleontology. She loves me anyway, she said, but every time I talk to her-," he broke off, shaking his head.

"I send her money, and that helps. Dad left a lot of debt behind; I used to give her m' pay when I lived at home. She wanted me to stay, but I had to go… I love me mum, but I-," he broke off again, and this time he didn't continue.

"I see why you don't like to talk about it," Abby admitted ruefully.

"Yeah. Could be worse, though. I could be like Danny… living with me mum at age forty," Connor smirked.

"You're joking," Abby replied.

"No. In his file, even," Connor laughed.

"I wonder if he made it back," Abby mused.

"I dunno, hope so," Connor replied softly, all traces of humor gone from his face.

She wished she hadn't said anything. She wanted more of Connor laughing and smiling, he'd had enough of sadness and bad memories today. As poignant as his story was, she appreciated the insight it provided into Connor. She understood him better, she believed. She would try harder to rein in her tongue, and she would make an effort to tell him the good things about himself to help counter all the bad. For him, she would try. He deserved it.

"Connor… I think you are very good at what you do. You're brilliant, and I think your father would have been proud of you," Abby said, turning his chin so she could look into his sorrowful dark eyes.

He smiled briefly, "Yeah."

"And there is nothing weak about you, alright? I happen to think you are the smartest, strongest, sweetest guy I have ever met, so stop with the self-doubt," she insisted, poking him in the chest with a two fingered point.

"Ow! Okay!" He replied, laughing and blushing furiously.

Abby smiled back at him, her heart tripping and doing a curious little melting sensation to see him so pleased by her heartfelt words.

"And sexy, as well, yeah?" he asked with a cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes. _What the hell_, she thought, "Yes."

Once again, he lost his smile, but this time it was replaced by a look she didn't mind seeing on his face. His dark eyes grew serious and soft, his lips parted as he leaned in close to her slowly… always slowly with him. Always gentle and careful. She leaned in to meet him halfway; she saw the corner of his mouth lift in a small smile of acknowledgement before she closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his.

TBC

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**A/N: Lovely to end on a kiss, isn't it? So they are getting better at this, slowly but surely. I think I am beginning to make a game of how many plausible yet incredibly messed up childhoods I can give these two. I quite liked this one, and it will come out a little more as we progress. So what did you think? Like it? Hated it? Please review and tell me what you think? Feed the poor little muse?**

**Musical inspiration for the relationship between Connor and his mother: Tool, 'Pushit.' Yeah, I know it's meant to be about a relationship, not a mother/son, but that's the beauty of music. Interpretation. I have a wee little one-shot plot bunny of a story dealing with this. Anyone interested in reading it if I wrote it?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Tough, tough, tough writing, this one. I hope ya'll think it was worth the effort, and ya'll enjoy it… and thanks so much to the folks that review and continue to inspire me.**

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Chapter Eight

Knee deep in the river, Connor stood stock still with his new fishing tool poised to strike. He'd been making another spear to replace Abby's broken one when inspiration struck him to construct a gaff for fishing. Relying on their water traps for fish was unreliable at best, and spear fishing for them was an exercise in extreme frustration. Connor and Abby would spend hours waiting for the fish to come near enough to strike, and then half the time they would miss them when they did. They still tried for them; fish tasted better and fishing was much safer than hunting.

Connor had grown more adept at hunting as the days wore on, but mammals were few and far between, and although dinosaur was edible, it wasn't good. They hunted as a team these days, but Abby always held the spotter position instead of the hunter. Abby was practical about it; Connor was larger and stronger and stood more of a chance of success, and she was far more knowledgeable about treating any resulting injuries than he was. He hunted, she was the lookout, and she patched him up after. It worked. Besides, it was just Connor. She didn't need to be the tough girl that had to prove she could do anything that he could do… not with him. He knew she was capable; this was just a practical division of labor.

If he had found a better way to fish, their quality of life would be much improved. He'd excitedly described the new fishing implement to her, and then he'd gone to work making one for each of them. Much like hunting, one would watch while the other fished, but it was nice to have their own tools and weapons. Abby's spear had been made lighter and shorter so that it was easier for her to wield effectively, and her knife was made to fit her smaller hand easily. The gaffs were identical, but Connor knew Abby would want her own.

The gaff was a modified spear, essentially. The tip was split crossways into several tines, and then two sticks wedged at the base of the split were bound in an x pattern to keep the tines spread apart. Connor had sharpened the tines to wicked points, and explained that it would work sort of as a trident would. They'd not have to be as accurate, if they got close to the fish they were likely to catch it.

Abby had always known that Connor was intelligent, but little things like this convinced her that he was truly brilliant. She had always known Connor was book smart, and she knew he had an eidetic memory, but unlike many people that were geniuses of his level, he was able to apply his knowledge practically _and_ had a fair share of common sense, as well. Her respect for him was growing daily, and she often wondered why it had taken her so long to realize what a remarkable man he was. She should tell him, she mused. She imagined the resulting delighted smile she'd win, and decided she would.

Abby had insisted that Connor be the first to try out the gaff, although she was a much more accurate fisher than he was. So far, he'd gotten them four fish, and by the tense way he held himself, he'd spotted another. He struck, and grinning, deposited the fish along with the others. At this rate, they would have enough to preserve for later. Connor knew how to smoke it over the fire to dry out the meat; once dried, the meat could last for weeks or even months if stored somewhere cool and dry.

Connor and Abby worked until long after the sun was set to get all of the fish drying over the fire. Connor had speared twelve fish, and then Abby had got eighteen. Tonight, they would have two fish apiece for dinner, and the rest they would preserve. It seemed like a lot of fish to Abby, preserved or not.

"Why so many fish, Connor?" Abby inquired as she worked to slice yet another fish into thin strips of meat suitable for drying.

He shrugged evasively as an answer. Abby's curiosity piqued, she raised an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. If he answered like that, it meant that he was hiding something.

"What is it?" she asked flatly.

Connor chewed on his lip for a moment before he glanced up at her, "Well…"

Abby let her gaze grow frosty; Connor shrunk under the weight of it, "You won't like it."

"Connor, just say it," Abby insisted, trying to hold on to her temper.

Connor nodded, "Yeah, okay. Well the thing of it is, I think we need to start preparing to stay here on a more permanent basis, in case we can't get home anytime soon."

Abby froze, shaking her head, "No. They'll find us."

Her heart pounded to hear him talk of staying here. No. She couldn't. Something of the panic his words caused must have shown in her face, because Connor's eyes softened the way they always did when he knew she was frightened or hurt.

Connor sighed and nodded, "Of course they will. Abby, I'm not giving up, I promise. I'll keep working on the anomaly opening device and we'll keep looking for anomalies… but we need to live long enough to get home. I'm just trying to make sure that we can."

She swallowed hard and nodded. Yes, he was right. He was staring at her, concern written plainly on his face.

"Yeah, you're right, Conn," she replied brusquely, acting as if she hadn't been on the verge of a breakdown. "Let's get this fish done so we can eat, I'm starving."

She'd always been good at bravado, but she wasn't sure that Connor bought it. She was so afraid they would never get home. He gave her a searching look, his dark eyes serious.

He knelt down next to her, "Alright?"

She nodded, "Fine."

Abby tried to act normal as they finished prepping the fish and settled down to eat dinner. Connor was rambling on, and Abby made the appropriate noises to simulate interest while she thought about what it would mean to be stuck in the Cretaceous long term. At least she had Connor… but what if he were hurt, or killed? Was anyone even looking for them?

After they had eaten and washed up afterwards, Connor sat next to her by the fire. He pulled her close to his body, his arms around her. He was strangely silent… but then, any silence for Connor was strange. He was stroking her arm gently, and Abby closed her eyes and let him comfort her. It felt good… right somehow. It astonished her to realize that going back through all her memories, she couldn't think of anyone ever comforting her like Connor did. She shifted so that she could embrace him and hugged him tightly to her. After a startled second, he returned it.

"You're not okay, are you?" he asked softly.

She buried her head in his neck, his beard scratching her face. She drew in a deep breath, trying to find the words. Connor held her, waiting for her much more patiently than she ever would have been able to wait for him. She shook her head against him, unable to speak past the lump in her throat.

"What is it?" he asked gently; he was always so gentle with her.

"I'm scared," she admitted, her voice smaller than she wanted it to sound.

"Me too, but we'll be okay, yeah?" he whispered, and then pressed a kiss into her hair.

She nodded against his neck, winding her fingers into his hair and pulling him closer. He kissed her cheek, her nose, finally her lips. Abby responded eagerly, turning his sweet comforting kiss into something more. She ran her hands over his chest and shoulders, her fingers clutching the fabric as his mouth moved on hers. She slid her hand under his t-shirt to feel his smooth soft skin under her fingertips. He shivered as she traced her nails up and down his spine.

"Abby, please," he grated, breaking their kiss to rest his forehead against hers.

She had hitched his shirt halfway up his torso, her hands tracing the contours of each deliciously defined muscle.

She paused, staring back at him, "What is it?" she asked.

"You're touching me like that and it's hard…" he blushed bright red as she glanced down at his lap. "Hard to stop," he stammered.

"So don't stop," she whispered.

"Abby? But you said? I don't-" Connor stuttered.

"We'll never know if you keep stopping before we've even begun," Abby insisted, a little impatiently.

"What should I-" Connor began, Abby cut him off with her mouth on his.

"First, take off your shirt, and second, stop thinking so much," she ordered.

Connor nodded and pulled his shirt off; Abby boldly pulled hers off as well. If anything was likely to kick start Connor, the sight of her clad in her black lacy bra was sure to do it. His eyes widened and he swallowed convulsively. She'd worn this little around him before, but with this setting and being a couple now, it made it different somehow. She could see a million thoughts racing through his brain, but he was still frozen in place.

"Connor… I said to _stop_ thinking," Abby chastised gently.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and when he opened them again Abby could see that he only had one thing on his mind now. He brushed his fingers down the side of her cheek, cupped it in his hand and moved to kiss her again. Abby pressed her body to his, desperate to take their explorations of each other farther. He shuddered at the contact, deepening the kiss as his hands roved over the bare skin of her back.

He broke off their kiss breathlessly, and Abby took the opportunity to begin placing wet open-mouthed kisses down his neck and throat. Connor's breathing stuttered as she made her way down to his chest, enjoying the way his muscle jumped and flexed under her touch. He moaned low in his throat, his body trembling. His hands flexed on her back, and then slowly, cautiously, he brushed his fingers over a breast. Abby sighed as Connor's touch grew more confident and bold; she swore he was setting her afire.

He kissed her neck, down her shoulders and her chest, following Abby's encouraging sighs and moans. Abby was awash in love and in pleasure; Connor might have his faults, but a lack attention to detail wasn't one of them. She didn't even react when he unfastened her bra and discarded it so that he could have unrestricted access to her breasts. Abby relaxed into his touch; maybe with Connor it would be okay? She reached down to unfasten his jeans; she wanted to touch him.

Connor was making the most delightful moans and growls; she didn't have much experience with what men liked in this area, but she remembered what a college friend had told her once. She'd said, "As long as you are _touching_ it, they're pretty happy." It had made her laugh, and the tip had stuck with her. Her friend seemed to have the right idea, Connor seemed to be enjoying it.

Abby still had a handful of Connor when he shifted suddenly, rolling her beneath him. His mouth was all over her, but all of the sudden it didn't have the same effect. She tried to find words to tell him to stop, but she hesitated; she didn't want to ruin it. She couldn't think. He was on top of her…she couldn't breathe! He was on top of her and she wanted out! She screamed and brought her knee up between his legs.

"No!" she screamed out again, but she was already free.

Connor had rolled off of her immediately, and was now curled up around himself. Oh god, she'd hurt him. Her heart thudded in her chest. He would hate her. She'd been right; she was too broken to ever make this work between them. Connor would see that now for sure. She took another look at Connor and exited the cave, sweeping her shirt up as she went.

Frustrated, she stared out over the ledge as she pulled her shirt back on. She had to get away and there was no where to go. It was dark out there, and outside of the safety of their fire she would make a tasty treat for the many roving dinosaurs in the area. She headed down the steep trail anyway; she would get as far away as possible while still in the range of their fire. It wasn't far, but she guessed it would have to be far enough.

"Abby!" Connor called out, panic rising in his voice.

He came tearing down the trail, eyes wide in panic. He hadn't even bothered to pull on his shirt. Was he an idiot? He was going to go running after her in the dark, not even dressed? He _did_ have a spear in his hand, so at least he'd had the presence of mind to go armed. Wait… did he think _she_ was that daft to go off alone?

"Here," she said shortly.

"Abby, you can't run off like that!" Connor said, his words sharp and angry although he didn't raise his voice.

His face was shadowed, but she didn't want to see it anyway. She didn't want to see what was written there.

Abby's eyes narrowed, "I'm not stupid, Connor. I'm not going any further."

He nodded, his jaw clenching, "I'll leave you alone then," he replied, his voice tight.

He turned to go and Abby felt tears welling up in her eyes. She let them fall; she'd really mucked up this one. He would never want to touch her again. She didn't blame him for being angry; she'd gone and been the prick tease again. She let herself cry, for once.

Abby wasn't sure how long she had stood outside, but there was a point when her tears had dried up. She wanted to scream out, to rail, to beat the ground in frustration and agony… but what was the point? The tears had stopped, but the crushing weight on her chest wouldn't lift. She waited to go to that place that was hollow and empty, as she always did, but this time it wouldn't come. Sighing, she headed up the trail, feeling that all hope was gone.

She walked silently into the cave, hoping against hope that Connor would be sleeping. She froze to see him curled up on himself, his head pressed to his knees. His shoulders were shaking… was he crying? Why? His head snapped up as she entered the cave, and she confirmed it. He _had _been crying. She stopped at the entrance, uncertain where to go or what to do.

"I'll move, Abby," Connor said, scrubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to wipe away the tears and give the impression he hadn't been crying.

She'd seen it though, but she didn't understand it. Maybe because he understood now that they couldn't be together? That was the only reason she could think of.

"Yeah, that may be best," she replied, watching him start to shift his sleeping pallet over to the other side of the fire.

It broke her heart, but it was the smart thing to do. Sleeping together would only make it harder. She lay down on her pallet and closed her eyes low enough to watch Connor covertly. He faced the fire, staring into it wide eyed.

"Abby?" Connor said hesitantly, so softly she almost didn't hear it.

"What is it, Connor?" she replied, hoping it came out less harsh than it sounded to her own ears.

"I was stupid. I should have known better than to get on top of you like that… I just got carried away. I'm sorry; I _am_. I hope you can forgive me," he continued, his heartfelt plea constricting her chest as she heard the raw pain in his words.

"I knew I would ruin it, I'm so stupid… can't do anything right," he said to himself quietly, but she heard it.

Abby was confused. He thought she was angry at _him? _She drew in a deep breath; this would be hard, but she needed to say it. What if she misread him? What if he really _didn't_ want her anymore? No. He was hurting… she would explain things, no matter how uncomfortable and vulnerable it made her feel.

"Connor… I'm not angry with you at all. I thought you had decided that I wasn't worth the trouble, or you were upset about me hitting you," she explained.

Connor sat up and stared at her, "Really?"

Abby nodded, and he gave he a small smile, although it was a little ragged around the edges.

"Come over here and sleep next to me?" he asked hopefully. "If you still want to," he quickly amended.

Abby felt the weight on her chest finally lift, "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

She lay her head on his chest, and it still felt good, and _right_. She didn't know how they would get over this, or if they could, but right now all she wanted to do was take comfort in Connor. He still wanted her, after all that. Tonight, when he whispered that he loved her, she said it back. He squeezed her tightly after; she knew he heard her.

TBC

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A/N: This one _**almost**_** stopped where Connor left her outside, but I decided not to cliffhang ya'll (those of you that read 'Forever,' you know why.)**

**Conn was pretty angry at himself for 'screwing up' his chances with Abby. Silly Abby reads it as him being mad at her. Other people's children, eh? Still, this is another step closer.**

**Please tell me what you think? Feed the poor muse?**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So here we are at chapter ten of my little three chaptered fic. I'm glad I was convinced to continue, this has been challenging! I hope ya'll enjoy this one… happy reading, and those that have reviewed I hold you in the highest regard. Truly, the reviews make my day. I'm a review-a-holic. Thank-you!**

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Chapter 10

Much to Abby's chagrin, since failed attempt to take things farther between them, Connor had stopped making advances of any sort. His confidence was shattered. Abby strongly suspected that despite her reassurances to the contrary, Connor was convinced that _he_ was completely at fault for how their encounter had ended. He still smiled at her and hugged her, and he still held her in his arms every night… but he hadn't even kissed her beyond a chaste brush of the lips.

Abby had even taken matters into her own hands and tried to kiss _him_ this morning before they left the safety of their camp, but he had ducked his head away and acted as if he didn't see her advance. It stung, and when Abby was hurting, her instinctual response was to turn nasty.

Frustrated, angry, and helpless, she did her best to curb her impulses to use Connor as her punching bag. She was glad that they had planned to spend the day scouting a field. They usually spread a distance apart to cover more ground, and they couldn't talk for fear of alerting predators. She could safely ignore Connor, and he would be none the wiser. If she saw that kicked puppy look on his face one more time today, she would scream. She couldn't help it; she was completely exasperated with his self-flagellation.

She scanned the horizon, keeping a vigilant watch for danger. They had been walking for hours, scouting for anomalies. Abby kept Connor in her sights; they made sure to never stray too far from one another. She let her mind wander freely, sorting out her thoughts. She had to admit that one thing she had an abundance of while stuck in the past was time to think. Back home, day to day life and dealing with the anomalies had occupied her enough so that she hadn't had much time for introspection, and Abby had always been more action than thought, anyway. As usual of late, her thoughts turned to Connor.

These little dances they were doing with each other were getting old, and although Abby was steadily trying to work through her personal demons with Connor's help, he seemed blindly oblivious to his own. She shouldn't be too shocked; until recently, she'd been pretty oblivious to them as well. Abby had been wearing a blindfold in more ways than one, where Connor was concerned. She figured she'd not noticed because she was so determined to hide her own emotional scars, she'd tried her hardest not to notice anyone else's. It just seemed… polite. She'd not wanted anyone to remark on _hers, _and anytime they had, she'd vehemently denied it.

Connor had opened up to her briefly the night he told her about his father dying, but since that night he'd never said another word. Abby suspected his mother and hers probably would have had a lot in common as far as parenting skills went_. _She hoped that he would tell her a little more as time went on… maybe if she asked about something a little less sensitive? Perhaps she could kill two birds with one stone. She could get him talking about his past, _and_ she could get him to talk about what had happened between them; _that_ had become another taboo topic to Connor.

After a brief conversation where Abby had tried fruitlessly to absolve his guilt, any attempt to bring the subject up again was met with an immediate change of topic. She'd try it again tonight, and _this_ time there would be no wriggling out of it. She had come to one definitive conclusion while out exploring this afternoon… they needed to learn how to talk to each other. _Really_ talk to each other.

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"Connor, can I ask you something?" Abby asked, as they settled in for the evening.

"Ya just did, din't ya?" Connor replied with a smirk.

"Conn, I'm being serious," Abby replied, rolling her eyes at his bad joke.

"Sorry," he apologized sheepishly

"Did you ever have any girlfriends, aside from Caroline?" she asked.

"Not that mattered, none like you, Abby," he smiled awkwardly and she instantly knew she'd struck a nerve.

"Connor. Answer the question," she said flatly.

He laughed again, that nervous skittery laugh and pained smile that was a bright red flag to indicate that Connor desperately wanted to avoid the conversation, "Come on, Abby. It's not important."

Abby ground her teeth in frustration, "Fine."

Connor looked down at the ground and back up at her through his lashes. He chewed on his lip, and Abby knew he was debating on whether or not what he was going to tell her was worse than being subjected to her cold shoulder for the rest of the night. His gaze flitted up to hers again, dark eyes serious and wary. He would answer, but he didn't want to.

"I wouldn't call them girlfriends, exactly," Connor said quietly.

Abby furrowed her brow and cast him a sideways glance. She wasn't entirely sure she liked the implications behind that answer.

"What do you mean," Abby asked, slowly.

She'd figured Connor might have had one, maybe two girlfriends before Caroline. She had acknowledged that she was very attracted to Connor, but it was still a bit of a stretch for her to imagine that other girls would be, as well. She'd always just assumed that most girls went for the type of guy she always used to, which Connor was most definitively _not, _and especially not the Connor she'd met three years prior_. _

She was glad he wasn't like them. Unattainable men were always a big draw for her, macho action men, or most often, men that were well fit but stupid and self-absorbed. Abby narrowed her eyes and tried to look at Connor objectively. It was impossible… this was _her_ Connor, but if she was attracted to him (and she very much _was)_, it only made sense that others would be.

The idea of Connor having a string of lovers before her didn't sit well with her, but she wasn't quite sure why.

"It really doesn't matter, Abby," he tried again.

She gave him a level stare, she wanted to hear it.

Connor sighed, resigned, "I don't do too well with _relationships_ exactly; I just can't pretend to be someone I'm not."

Abby nodded. Connor had always been true to himself; it was one of the things she had always admired in him. With Connor, what you saw was what you got. Connor had not an ounce of duplicity or guile inside of him anywhere. She had always thought the reason he was so smitten with Caroline so quickly was because of how genuinely _interested_ she pretended to be in him.

"So, if you didn't have relationships…" she prompted.

Connor flushed, "There were some…just a few girls that… um… just-" he broke off, shaking his head, frustrated and embarrassed.

"That you just slept with?" she finished, her voice harder and more accusatory than she intended it.

Connor winced, "Yeah."

"Oh," Abby replied curtly as she shifted out of the circle of his arms to sit opposite him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No… it was not…" he sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, "not like that."

"I see. How many ways can it be then, Connor? You slept with them or you didn't." she said frostily.

She didn't know why this was upsetting her so much, and frankly she didn't want to think about it too deeply. She'd had an image of what Connor was like, and the more she knew about him, the more she was finding that she had more misconceptions than truth. It wasn't _his_ fault. She'd just made too many assumptions. _Admit it, Abby. You don't want him to be disappointed with you._

"No, you don't understand. When I first got to Uni, I thought… I dunno. I thought that the girls at Uni were different. They talked to me, and flirted back, and I got invited to parties for the _first time_… _ever_. Mum had never even let me go out with me mates, much less a girl, even if I had been asked to. I thought I was in heaven. I still couldn't get a girlfriend, but I could usually find someone at a party that would tolerate me long enough to snog and…well… sometimes other things," he finished, with an embarrassed shrug.

"Yeah. Of course, it was Uni. I get it, I just didn't… never mind," she said, pretending she was not bothered by his University conquests.

This was a bad idea, to bring this subject up. She had gotten more information than that had wanted, and of a completely different sort than she intended. She had just wanted to find out if what they had together was as much a departure for him as it was for her, and maybe convince him that he'd not done anything wrong. She was _trying_ to initiate a 'couple's talk,' but like everything between them, it was overly complicated.

Connor was still staring at his lap as if he was embarrassed. If anything, she expected him to be a little boastful. She vividly remembered him telling Leek that he did alright with women. She'd thought it was all bravado at the time, but apparently it was the truth… sort of.

Connor sighed again and set his jaw as if he was bracing himself against a blow. She jumped when he started speaking, he had gone so still and quiet next to her she'd thought he was finished.

"The last time I was with a girl, I overheard her talking with her friends after. I thought we had got on well together, and I was going to ask her out on a proper date. Stupid, right?" he laughed, but it was bitter and hard and so unlike Connor that it made her stare in bewilderment, "She didn't see me walk up behind her… I brought her bloody flowers for cryin out loud."

Connor raised his eyes to look into hers, and the wealth of pain she saw in his dark chocolate eyes made her want to cry.

"I was a dare. I was just a big joke," he looked down as if he couldn't bear to look at her anymore, "I started thinking that maybe that's what it was the other times," he finished quietly.

This was horrid. She was sorry she'd asked.

"Oh, Connor…" Abby began.

He looked at her again briefly and then back away… but she'd seen the shine in his eyes, he was close to tears.

"That was it. That was the last time. I know mum said I was as daft as a brush, but I thought those girls really fancied me… or at least, that they fancied the way I looked," he finished, his voice sour and sad, "actually thought one of em might be me girlfriend, if I could ever learn to shut up."

Oh. _Oh._ And she'd just _had_ to bring up Caroline again, didn't she? Poor Connor. God, she had to fix it.

"I did have a lovely pen pal in the Gambia, though. I think she actually liked me," he smiled, but it was thin and watery, a poor attempt to regain his characteristic optimism.

"I doubt that all those girls were into you just for a dare, Connor. You are a handsome man, you know. That smile of yours, alone, is enough to attract a girl. I think the last one was just a silly twat that was too stupid to know better," Abby argued.

He gave a short chuff of laughter, "Thanks, that's what I told m'self, " he said, but she could tell he hadn't been convinced.

"How many girls are we talking about, anyway?" Abby asked teasingly.

"I dunno, Abby. A few, and like I said, they don't matter," he replied, ignoring her attempt to lighten the mood, "They didn't even like me for me, and I was too naive to have the sense to care. It's not the same at all. When I touch you-" his mouth snapped shut.

"You mean before you stopped touching me?" Abby asked gently.

He started to get up to leave the cave; she stopped him with a hand on his arm, "No."

That was it. She was done. No more.

"Abby…" he pleaded.

"No. We're not doing this any longer. We talk, and we will talk until we're sure the other understands. No more misunderstandings, alright?" she asked.

He searched her face and nodded, "Okay."

"Promise me?" She demanded more than asked.

He nodded, "Yeah."

He settled in next to her again and took a deep breath, "I… I'm afraid to. Every time I think about it, I remember how scared you were… of _me._ I can't bear it Abby, I can't hurt you," he admitted.

Abby shook her head, "Connor, sometimes you _are _thick. You know what hurts? When you won't touch me at all."

"Well it's not that I don't want to, but…" he shrugged helplessly.

Oh god, this was going to be hard. She owed it to Connor, though, as much as she hated to say it. She had meant it when she said she was done with misunderstandings, and when Abby finally committed herself to a course of action, she was near impossible to sway. Connor was her friend, and she loved him, and she would _say _this.

"Have you changed your mind about us? If you have, I'll understand. I tried to explain it, but I thought you may have to see it for yourself. You're still my best mate Connor, and your decision won't change that, okay?" Abby assured him.

It felt weird to lay her feelings out like that, so open and vulnerable. Weird, but good at the same time.

Connor looked at her, stunned. He swallowed several times and licked his lips, but didn't speak. She waited, trying to be patient. He shook his head in the negative, finally.

"No. No, Abby. Unless you don't want me anymore. I know I really screwed up, I know I did. And I can't blame ya for wanting to be done with me," he offered, but his face told her a different story.

She saw desperation, guilt, pain and fear… and love. Her heart clenched painfully; he still wanted her?

"No. I don't want that," she answered with a tremulous smile, "I still want you, Connor."

He smiled back, his just as uncertain as hers, "This talking thing is harder than I thought."

"That's 'cause your actually saying something important, for once," Abby teased lightly.

His smile grew a little more confident before he let it fade, "So what do we do?"

"Try again sometime? But this time when I get nervous I'll stop you straightaway," Abby offered as a partial solution.

"And I think maybe you need to stay on top, yeah? You were alright until then, I think," Connor added.

Abby nodded, "I was. I was more than alright."

Connor flushed, but a small satisfied smile was on his lips. Those perfect lips. She leaned over and kissed him softly, and he returned it with what seemed like days of pent up passion and need.

"I'm an idiot to go without that on purpose," Connor murmured as they broke apart for air.

"Yeah," she chuckled.

"Oi! Not supposed to agree!" he bantered.

She smiled at him warmly and then arched a brow, "Well I thought that since it is such a rare occasion for you to be right, you might want to know about it."

"Ah! Ouch!" he laughed.

She'd missed this, she realized. They hadn't relaxed like this with each other for ages. Perhaps they had gotten on the right path, for once. They would go slow, but going slow implied that there was an end result. One thing was certain. She was bloody well going to be clear about how she felt from now on, and she hoped Connor would stick by his promise to do the same.

She'd drag more out of Connor about his past… even if he fought her tooth and nail, but not tonight. She knew firsthand how corrosive it could be to hold it in, and she was convinced he needed to work through it. Tonight they needed to laugh and smile and slough off the tension that had been riding them both for far too long. Tomorrow was another day.

**TBC **

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A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed this one… different, but I think very necessary. If so, please do review? Feed the poor muse? She's been a wee bit depressed as of late… needs dark chocolate.

And yeah, look at Connor. Virgin? In college? Unlikely. Too damn cute. Dimple. Puppy Eyes. I rest my case.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: So I got wrapped up in my fluffy Connor/Abby fic 'Perfect,' so this one took a bit longer. I didn't think it would have taken as long to write as it did, but I wanted to get it right. Much like I wanted to get this right. I **_**should**_** wait until morning to publish this (it's 1 am), I probably will miss all sorts of things and have to come back and re-edit. Alas… you've waited long enough.**

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Chapter 11

"It was like I was being poisoned," Connor said suddenly.

"What?" Abby replied, startled out of her light drowse at his unexpected offering of information.

She'd been needling and wheedling and hinting to try to get him to give her just a little bit more about his background for days, but he had neatly sidestepped her attempts. She was doing her best to try to be gentle about it, but subtlety had never been her strong suit, and she was unpracticed at this sort of interrogation.

She was lying with her face pressed to his chest, his arms around her. He always made her feel incredibly safe as they relaxed by the fire, trying to sleep. She'd realized, to her complete and utter shock, that Connor holding her had become a very necessary factor to her sleeping at all. Much like how she felt about him, it had snuck up on her before she realized it had happened. She wished she offered Connor the same comfort in return, because evidently Connor wasn't having much luck sleeping tonight.

"Sorry. Were you sleeping?" he asked quietly.

"Not quite yet, no. Can't sleep?" she replied.

"No. Thinking a lot… about home. I thought maybe… I'm sorry. I'll let ya sleep," he answered, tracing small circles over her shoulder.

"No. I can't sleep either. Please… keep going. What was like being poisoned?" she replied, and she really _couldn't_ sleep now that he had thrown out that tease of a sentence to her.

Connor cleared his throat, "Living with me mum," he clarified.

Her brows drew in, "What do you mean?"

He sighed, "I told ya she din't much like me following in Dad's footsteps, yeah?"

Abby nodded, "I remember."

"Well, it was more than that, really. She din't much like anythin' I did, when she noticed I was there at all. I was just thinking about how nice it was when I lived with you. Felt like home for the first time since me Dad died," Connor related.

"I'm sorry," Abby comforted, and she didn't know what else she could say, really.

"I know it could have been worse. I had food and shelter and she never…" he paused, as if he were afraid to say what he'd been thinking, "It was nothin' like you had to live through. Never mind. You don't need to hear-"

"Connor, don't do that. Just tell me," she cut him off, halting his backpedaling.

She reached up to brush her fingers through his hair, knowing it would soothe him and soften her words.

He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them softly and then inhaled and exhaled deeply, "Okay."

"Mum didn't allow me to have mates over, or to go out of the house after school, but I don't know why. It's not like she ever talked to me much while I was there. She just ignored me unless she was shoutin' at me. Then she'd apologize and say she loved me… and everything was nice again for a little while. She'd smother me with attention and make me feel so loved. Never lasted though. I used to think that each time it would be the last, ya know? Like this time I could be a better son and not do stupid things and make her angry so easily," he explained.

Fury bubbled up inside of Abby, her chest aching at the pain in Connor's voice. He'd lost his father, and instead of taking care of her son, his mother had used him as an outlet for all her grief and anger at the loss. And what had Connor done? Blamed himself for making her angry. She knew all about displaced emotions... _that_ was something she understood intimately. The thought of Connor growing up thinking he was never good enough for his mother wakened every protective instinct within her; he didn't deserve that.

"I tried so hard. I made things as easy for her as I could, and when I was old enough I got a job to help pay for the debt Dad left us, but it was never enough for her," he continued, his voice drawing tighter with each word.

A thousand times where Connor had smiled and let things slide off of him went through her mind. Never acting bothered or offended or angry or hurt by anything anyone said or did, he just let it go. She knew him well… probably better than most, and she'd learned to identify the little tells that indicated when he was truly hurt or angry, but he hid them well, and he almost never lost his temper. Now she knew how he managed it… years of practice.

It spoke volumes of his character to see that he had emerged from his childhood to grow into such a kindhearted and open man, even though he was far from unscathed by it.

He grew silent for a few long moments, and when he spoke again his voice was thick with sadness, "I don't know what happened to her. Gran said it was because I looked so much like me father. She couldn't bear it; she saw him every time she looked at me. I don't know… but I felt like I was dying a little bit every day the longer I stayed."

Connor cleared his throat again; she felt his throat move as he swallowed to try to reign in his emotions.

"She wanted me to stay. She thought Uni was a bad idea, that I would go mad with the freedom… who knows? I stopped trying to figure her out," he gave a short humorless laugh; "She said she needed me, but I just… couldn't. I felt like I would disappear into nothin' if I stayed. I send her money to help out, but I couldn't live like that any longer. I love her, I do. She's my mum after all, and she wasn't always like this," he trailed off.

"Do you still talk to her?" she asked him.

"As little as possible," he replied softly.

"I'm sorry. You didn't deserve any of that. Grief does bad things to people sometimes, twists them up and turns them into something they don't want to be, not that it's an excuse," she answered.

She felt him nod in agreement.

"None of us get to pick our parents, but we can make families of our own, can't we? People that love us for who we are," Abby said softly.

Connor's arms tightened around her, "Yeah. You're right."

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The following morning, Abby woke up annoyed, and stayed that way. Abby was sick to death of the Cretaceous, sick of eating what she had killed, sick of being dirty and tired and just plain scared all the time. In essence, Abby wanted to go home. She was in the foulest of foul moods and was doing her best to just stay out of Connor's way before she said something she would regret.

It had started with her waking with a crick in her neck much earlier than she wanted to get up, and then Connor was snoring and she couldn't get back to sleep. She couldn't even go for a walk or drink a glass of warm milk… or bourbon. The day had just gotten worse as it went on, and Connor was doing his 'I'm oblivious' thing and acting like she didn't hurt his feelings with her little barbs… all of which just put her further into her funk.

She wasn't paying much attention to her surroundings, her mind circling and spiraling and twisting upon itself. Stupid of her, it was her job to keep Connor in her sights, and he had disappeared from view. That was how it worked; he was not supposed to have to be distracted by constantly looking back to see if she was there. He just had to trust her to do as she agreed. She started to yell for him and hesitated. She didn't want to alert any predators to her presence. She'd have to hope she could track him.

Abby began to get a little panicked; she traced his steps for a short distance, but then the terrain changed and she lost him. She got a firmer grip on her spear and tried to think of what to do. They had always agreed to meet back at the cave if they got separated, but Abby had been so intent on tracking Connor that she wasn't entirely sure that she knew how to get back now.

What if he needed her? What if he was hurt? She knew he would be able to get back; after all, he'd been leading. As long as a map wasn't involved, he had a pretty good sense of direction. She should have just called out his name as soon as she realized she'd lost him, now it was too late. She cursed, trying to push away the urge to feel sorry for herself. She'd not give up so easily, she knew Connor certainly wouldn't.

Abby began to retrace her steps, faltering occasionally, but she managed to make definite progress. She recognized the landscape, and she saw distinct evidence of her own passing. She made a mental note to tell Connor that they needed to try to leave as clear a trail as possible while they were out exploring or hunting. If someone were to come through an anomaly looking for them, evidence of their passing would be proof of their presence.

She had been walking for what seemed like hours, but she'd finally found the river that fed the lake near their cave. All she needed to do now was to follow it and keep her wits about her; the river drew in all sorts of wild creatures as the sole water source in the area. If she wasn't careful, she'd end up as a tasty snack.

She concentrated on finding her way back, and deliberately avoided all thoughts of where Connor could be or what he might be doing. She wondered how long it had taken him to notice she was no longer trailing him. She'd never hear the end of this one. She just hoped he was alright; she'd never be able to forgive herself if he wasn't.

Abby heaved a sigh of relief as she spotted the cave where they'd made their little home. Unfortunately a family of small but vicious raptors stood in between her and her goal, and it meant she'd have to circle around. Just great. More delays. Connor was likely frantic by now if he was half as worried about her as she was about him.

Worn and exhausted, Abby trudged up the narrow path leading to their cave, fully expecting so see Connor there waiting for her.

"Connor? I'm back," she called out.

Silence answered her. Shit. Where was Connor? Oh, hell. He'd probably completely disregarded their agreement that they would just meet back here and had gone looking for her. Damn it. Either that or he _couldn't_ get back to her. Abby swallowed hard. If she lost Connor now… no. No. He was okay, he was just looking for her. Idiot. She'd choke the life out of him for it.

She scanned the inside of the cave, searching for any sign of him. Their fishing gaffs were stood up to form a "v" against the wall, and the dirt floor was disturbed; the gaffs hadn't been like that when they left that afternoon. Connor had come back at some point, and then left again. She moved closer; it looked like he'd written something in the dirt. He had, it said, "Stay here, I've gone to find you."

If he had just waited for her! But no, Connor had to go and…and be _Connor_. He'd rushed out to look for her without a moment's thought to his own safety. That idiot! It would be dark soon; she hoped he was on his way back to her. She cried out in frustration. She was tempted to go out looking for him again, but knowing her luck, they'd get crossed again and they would end up playing tag all evening. He had better be okay, or she would kill him.

She waited on the ledge outside of the cave as her mind created ever more horrible things that could be happening to Connor at that moment. She saw him broken and bloody at the base of a cliff, then shredded by the family of deinonychus that _still_ refused to vacate the area near the waterfall, then drowned in the river, and on and on until she could hardly stand to be inside her own mind. Less so than usual.

She would find him. The hell with his 'stay heres,' if he refused to follow his own safety rules, the she'd not have to abide by them either. She would stay nearby, but she had to do _something_ other than just wait helplessly. The sun was setting; she needed to make the most of the light remaining. Her stomach churned and twisted, but she felt better now that she had finally decided on a course of action.

She was halfway down the path to the cave when she spotted a familiar figure limping slowly towards her. Her heart stuttered and clenched hard enough to hurt, then began to beat wildly at the sight of him. _Connor! _She ran, stumbling and sliding on the steep path, anxious to get to his side again. He'd heard her coming and was staring at her in obvious relief and shock. He must have thought something had happened to her.

Exhaustion was plan to see on his dirty face, and he'd ripped the knee out of his jeans at some point that evening. He took another limping step towards her as a smile displaced the look of shock he'd been wearing.

"Abby. Thank god. I thought I'd lost you," he exclaimed, reaching for her, his voice breaking.

The night's emotions welled up inside Abby, overwhelming her. It was too much, and she'd been too scared, and oh god, she loved him too much…

She pounded on his chest with her fists, "You bloody idiot! I thought you'd been killed! If you had died-" she raged.

"Abby, stop it. I'm fine," he said as he captured her smaller hands in his.

She felt the familiar burning sensation behind her eyes that precluded tears and blinked furiously to clear them. Connor enfolded her into a hug and she lost her small measure of control altogether. Sobbing, she held him tight to her as he pressed kisses to her hair and spoke soothing words to her. She closed her eyes and let him hold her. _Connor was safe._

She put her arm around his waist and walked alongside him up to their cave, helping to support his weight. She eased him down to sit by the fire and cleared her throat, embarrassed at her emotional outburst. She hopped up and gathered some of the remnants of their meal from last night for them to eat along with some fresh greens she had collected from near the cave while she waited for Connor. She even had a few of the rare but delicious fruits they had been saving as a treat. If any time was good for them, it was now.

She set the food in front of Connor and busied herself with pouring water in the rock Connor had chipped a bowl-like depression into, so that Connor could at least wipe off his face and hands. After that, she would see how bad the laceration on his knee was. He watched her as she flitted around the small cave, his dark eyes intense. She didn't want to tell him that this was all her fault. And it was. Of course, he had his own stupidity to answer for now, but that didn't change facts.

"Abby. Sit down and eat with me, please," he asked.

"Yeah, I was just-" she paused, changing her words, "just about to do that."

Connor rinsed off his hands and face and then began eating. They sat in uncomfortable silence while they ate, but she would rather have the silence than words. She wanted to put off talking about it for as long as she could; she was still feeling unbalanced from swinging back and forth from one emotional extreme to another. She was just glad he was back safe.

"What happened?" he asked her as he finished his last bite.

"I… I lost sight of you. By the time I noticed, it was too late. I'm sorry Connor," she explained, haltingly.

"I thought you'd been attacked," he looked down as his hands, his jaw clenched and unclenched rhythmically, "I thought…" he sighed and just shook his head.

"It was my fault," she admitted.

Connor glanced up at her, "Abby-"

Anger bubbled up inside of her again. It might have been her fault they'd gotten separated, but at least she had done what she was supposed to afterwards.

"But why the hell did you not stay here at the cave when you made it back? It was what we both agreed. Are you daft?" she blasted.

He flinched, and seemed to shrink within himself. Realization hit her like a freight train. Oh. Oh, no. She had been horrified at how his mum treated him, and all she was doing was reinforcing his belief that all those condemning words he'd heard from her were true. She reached out for him and took his face in her hands, forcing his eyes to meet hers.

"Connor, I'm sorry. You just scared me. I don't mean that, okay. I really didn't," she entreated.

"It's alright. I shouldn't have gone after you. I should have known you din't need me, eh?" he smiled as he took her hands again, but there was no mistaking the hurt that lingered there.

"Of course I need you, or I wouldn't want to belt you one for scaring me half to death," she argued, the words flying out of her mouth before she could stop them.

His smile warmed, became more genuine, "Truly?"

"That I want to belt you one for making me go through hell? I imagined you dead in about sixty different ways. Yeah, it's true," she answered with a smirk.

He looked down, embarrassed, but a small pleased smile was on his lips, "I _am_ sorry about that. But, I meant the other part."

It was Abby's turn to be embarrassed. Still, she owed him this, and she had said that she would tell him what she was thinking, and that meant even when she'd rather not.

"That I need you?" she asked softly.

He nodded, his deep brown eyes locked on hers.

"Yes. More than anything," Abby answered.

The corner of Connor's mouth lifted in a half smile as he leaned in to kiss her. She pulled him closer to her and returned it, and sighed as the kiss broke. She had other things to tend to, but she had already decided that she wanted a lot more of that tonight. First things first, though.

"Let me look at your knee. I think you need to take your jeans off," she ordered.

Connor obliged her, stripping out of his jacket and red hoodie as well. They were both covered in dust and mud. They'd need to be rinsed out in the river in the morning. She wet a corner of his hoodie and carefully cleaned out the abrasion. It wasn't too bad, but it looked as if it had bled quite a bit.

"How did this happen?" she asked as she cleaned off the caked blood as gently as she could.

"Slipped and fell in a crevice, wasn't looking down," he answered, wincing slightly, "took longer than I thought it would to get back out. I only intended to make a small circuit to look for you, and to keep checking back at the cave in between. Didn't quite work. It was so late when I got out I had to come back here. I was so angry at m'self. I just kept thinking that you might need me and I was stuck in the crevasse like a knob. As usual," he lamented.

She kissed his knee, then slid up closer to him to sit in between his outstretched legs, "Thank you for trying to rescue me, even though you are to never do that again."

He nodded slowly, "Of course I will."

He slanted his mouth over hers again before she had a chance to protest, "That's cheating," she said as soon as they broke for air, but he just smiled and kissed her again.

TBC

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A/N: I really do hope that you liked this… and I really hope that you'll tell me if you did (or didn't). And thank you for reading/reviewing! (and for the chocolate Connors). Please feed poor muse?

**There was a bit of subtext in here with his mother and Abby, but I didn't want to beat people about the head with it. Suffice to say that it will probably come up again… until Connor confronts it, it won't go away.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This one is quite a departure in mood and feeling from the rest of this story, but I hope that you like it. As always, thank you to those that favorite/read/review. It means more than you know.**

**I've written a Missing Reel for this that is set between last chapter and this one. It's an M rated excerpt, if you like that sort of thing. *grins* Titled 'Scratch the Itch.'**

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**Chapter 12**

Connor awoke in a spectacularly good mood, and Abby found that his smile was infectious. She hadn't seen him so happy in a long time, and it made _her_ happy to think that just maybe she was the cause of it. At least partway, anyway. Last night their kisses had turned even more heated than normal, and she'd devised a way for them both to get a measure of satisfaction even though she wasn't quite ready to do the deed herself. It had been incredible and powerful and intimate in a way that she hadn't expected it to be. It also appeared to be one hell of a stress reliever.

Some of the strain had eased from his shoulders, had lightened the ever-present shadows in his eyes. She thought that perhaps it was that hope had rekindled inside of him. They hadn't made much progress into more intimate realms since the last attempt had ended in disaster. Abby had been careful to keep it at kissing and some necking, caresses over her clothing… but she had been tempted to press farther. Each time, she'd halted it, leaving Connor panting and frustrated. It was getting harder for him to hide it from her, which just made the whole situation worse.

Last night had been something altogether different, and Abby was now confident that at least they could scratch certain itches that had become more and more needful as their time together carried on. It was a comfort, in a place where comfort was fleeting. Life was difficult in the Cretaceous, and some days she wasn't sure she wanted to keep on living it. She had Connor, and if she was honest with herself, he was the only reason why she did. It was scary and exhausting and more than that… it was monotonous when it wasn't terrifying. By this point, _anything _new was exciting_. _It was for this reason that she was bouncing up and down waiting for Connor to try the new fruit they had discovered.

They'd been hesitant to eat much of the local foliage; neither she nor Connor knew much about the horticultural sciences. Humans were omnivores though, and the lack of greenery, fruits and vegetables in their diet would harm them just as surely as a lack of protein would. Thus far, they had added a few ferns into their diet, a couple of fruits, and a few tubers that seemed to be ancient ancestors of carrots or parsnips. She shouldn't complain. She really shouldn't; after all, they were no longer in any danger of starving. Still…

Abby was itching for some more variety in her diet, and she pushed Connor on the issue of expanding their diet to include more vegatation, despite his misgivings. He had developed a system to try out potential food sources, and though it was slow, they now had more options to pick from. Their days were so similar from one day to the next that she thought it was more about just having something _different_ and _new_ than an overriding desire to have a tomato or something like it.

She'd spotted the plant on their last scouting excursion. It was a low-growing bush with shiny oblong leaves, and it was dotted with cherry tomato-like fruit; Abby's mouth had watered at the sight of the shiny red globes. So far, fruit was a rare treat, and the addition of anything vaguely sweet and juicy was a temptation that was almost too much for her to withstand. Connor had dutifully collected a small handful of the fruit and carried them back to the camp to try in the morning. He'd laughed at her enthusiasm, and teased her about the fact that it was his turn to taste.

The first rule of trying new foods was to try it first thing in the morning so that any side effects would be more obvious. The second rule was to only try a teensy tiny bite to begin with, and to carefully hold in inside the mouth for a few minutes before chewing and swallowing. Any subsequent numbness or tingling would indicate a toxin of some sort. After that, they would try a larger bite the next day, followed by a full bite the following day, and then finally a normal portion. Only one of them was allowed to try a new food at a time, and the other would monitor. The last time they'd tried something toxic the tiny bite he'd taken had given him a small stomachache, but he'd been fine a few hours later. Connor figured that the tiny taste was probably all they really needed to do to be sure of a new food, but he didn't like taking chances with their safety.

It was Connor's turn to try, and he said that the fruit not only looked like cherry tomato, it tasted like it, as well. He took a tiny bite, and Abby watched him closely the whole day, but he had no adverse reaction. The next day, she whinged a little about how long it took to try new foods, and he popped the whole fruit into his mouth in response. He'd raised his eyebrows, shrugged and said it was just one bite anyway. Nothing had happened the day before, so he was fairly confident that the 'tomato' was safe. He'd gone against his own rules for her, because she was impatient and bored with their meals, and probably because by now she'd realized he'd do just about anything to make her smile.

She hadn't been prepared when he rushed out of the cave a short time later, pale and sweating. She'd heard him vomiting violently and went to check on him. He'd been on all fours, his head pressed to the ground, but he'd looked at her as she neared and waved her off. She stayed within listening distance and told him to call her if he needed her. He grunted in acknowledgement; she figured that was the best she was going to get from him.

It was her fault. Connor was out there heaving his guts out because she'd wanted a little variety. Guilt twisted her stomach so tightly that she thought she might join Connor in heaving up her breakfast as well. She kept seeing the image of the little cheeky grin he'd given her as he popped the fruit into his mouth, all bright eyes and teasing laughter. God, she could be so selfish sometimes; she was quick to take advantage of Connor's sweet and generous nature, and this was his payment for it.

She crept outside to check on Connor; he'd been out there a long time. The retching had stopped, but he had yet to return to the cave. He was curled up in the fetal position in the dirt outside the cave, and he wasn't moving. _Shit!_

"Connor! Conn?" she called as she rushed to his side.

He made a small noise of acknowledgement; his eyelids fluttered then opened. Abby blanched as she took in his pale clammy skin, his trembling and his dilated pupils. She may be a lizard expert, but some things were universal. Whatever he had eaten had poisoned him, and despite purging the contents of his stomach, he was still suffering the ill effects of it. His jeans were undone and only halfway up his hips and she suddenly felt even worse for him.

She tried to rouse him enough to get him to lean on her, but he just whimpered and clutched his stomach. She hated the thought of trying to drag him over the rough terrain, and ended up deciding to try to get him in a fireman's carry. She'd been annoyed with this part of their training at the ARC; she had said she'd likely never be able to figure out the carry if she needed it. It was like a bad game of twister but no one was there to tell her which part went where. It must have sunk in though, because she managed to figure it out eventually and get Connor hoisted up over her shoulders and transported inside the cave.

She laid him down gently on their pallet and went to get some water for him to drink and to wipe him down with. She'd have to use the spring for water, the river was too far away and too dangerous for her to journey to alone. She was grateful that for the little gurgling spring, but it was so small and shallow that it was generally only good for small drinks or for rinsing off, and it took ages to gather enough water from it to use in any bigger applications. By the time she returned from the shallow spring near their cave with enough water, he had progressed from trembling to violent tremors, and sweat poured from every pore in his body. Her stomach dropped as she realized for the first time that this could be a life threatening incident, despite the small quantity he'd ingested.

What she would give for a blanket! She cradled his head in her lap and tried to get him to drink, but most of it poured over his chin and down his neck. She dipped the corner of her striped hoodie in the water and bathed his face with it, trying to give him a measure of comfort. She needed to get him out of his wet t-shirt and into something dry. His hoodie was still dry even though it needed washing; it would have to do.

She shifted him carefully, his pained whimpers tugging at her heart. She peeled off his sweat soaked shirt, wiped him down with the damp fabric of her shirt before gently dressing him in his red hoodie. Each little whimper and cry was like another dagger to her heart. Remorse choked her; she attempted to swallow down the lump in her throat but it burned and refused to budge. She'd done this. She'd caused this. What she would give to take it back.

"Connor. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Abby whispered as she brushed his sweat damp hair back off of his face.

"Sorry…sorry…" he murmured, "Sorry Mum… I din't mean it," he whimpered, his voice gone small and weak.

It didn't sound like Connor at all. She shushed him, stroking his hair, but he shifted and tried to curl up on himself again.

"Please…" he begged plaintively, "not the closet, please. It's dark. Scared of the dark, Mum. I'll be good," he shivered violently.

Abby held him close, her heart aching for him.

"Sorry… I'm sorry. No… There's rats in there… please?" he said again in that tiny frightened voice, "I'll be good."

'_It's not a rat is it? I hate rats,' _Abby remembered him saying to her once. It seemed like a lifetime ago… it was the day he's broken up with Caroline. She remembered that it had surprised her; Connor loved all animals for the most part_… _as long as they weren't trying to eat him_. His claustrophobia? Oh, Connor._

Abby always tried very hard to wall off and barricade her feelings, and she had been even more successful at it than she'd ever meant to be. She was learning how to let herself feel again, but it was hard. She thought Connor felt enough for the pair of them, anyway. Emotions made her uncomfortable, and she truly wasn't sure how to deal with them for the most part. Even now that she and Connor had this _thing_ together, it was hard for her to reach out to him. Connor never asked it of her either; he never took more than she was willing to give. Abby had taken advantage of that, as well. She'd hidden behind it and used it to keep him at arms' length.

Seeing him now… seeing the scared little boy inside of him so desperate for the barest scrap of love and comfort… Her heart ached… literally ached. Sympathy and love overwhelmed her; all of Abby's carefully constructed barricades came crashing down as the final film of ice on her heart melted. She knew… she _knew_ in that instant that if he died she would follow him. No matter where he went, she would follow him. Abby loved Connor totally and completely, and she could no longer fathom her life without him in it. She gathered him in her arms and sobbed. He couldn't die on her, he just couldn't. Not now, not ever.

"Connor. It's Abby… you're with me and you're sick. Can you hear me? It's Abby," she said as she regained control of her emotions.

She wasn't sure how long she held him to her like that, her arms wrapped around him as she rocked him gently. She began humming under her breath and it seemed to calm him further so she sang softly. No one was there to hear, and she'd been told she had a nice voice. She would sing until she'd no voice left if it soothed him. She'd give him whatever he needed.

* * *

"Abby?" he murmured questioningly.

"Yeah," she gave a short relieved laugh, "It's Abby. I've got you."

The sun had tracked its way across the sky while she had held him, moving from ascending to descending as she watched and waited and hoped.

His eyelids fluttered and cracked open, "Abby… stomach hurts. Head hurts. Cold."

She shushed him again, relieved to see him shake the delirium. He was shivering still, but it wasn't the same bone deep tremors from before. Her eyes filled and she blinked to keep them from falling; it would only upset Connor.

"Yeah, I know. Here, drink some water and then we'll see if you can hold anything down to eat, okay?" she cajoled softly.

He sipped at the water, but refused the food outright. She didn't blame him, but he'd eat later if she had to force it down his throat.

"I feel pretty stupid, Abby. I'm sorry. That was a bad decision on my part," Connor rasped, his voice worn through.

"No. It was my fault, and you shouldn't have listened to me," Abby argued.

He sat up, still unsteady and shook his head, pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead, "Gah, I still feel horrid. Might have to put that one on the list for dumbest things ever."

"Lie down, Connor, okay? Just rest until it runs its course… look, you're still shivering," she protested as he tried to stand up.

"The traps, Abby… and the day's almost gone," he argued, but he swayed on his feet.

"Please? Lie down?" she asked.

He stared at her, his dark eyes solemn, searching her face.

He grinned suddenly, "Well it's not like we have somewhere to be, eh?"

She smiled; leave it to Connor to joke about it, "Yeah. I think we might be late for work."

His mouth twitched, then he giggled, then he laughed outright at the absurdity of it all, "Scuse me Lester… I think I might be a little late tomorrow," he gasped, holding his sore stomach, "Ow!" but he kept laughing, tears welling up in his eyes.

It struck her funny, as well, and she couldn't help it, she had to join in, "It's not even _that_ funny," she gasped in between giggles, but that just set them both off worse.

Eventually they calmed and caught their breath. She settled Connor's head in her lap without any further arguments from him.

"I'm glad you're okay. If anything had happened to you..." she broke off, playing with his hair as he lie there contentedly.

"M'fine Abby. I'm sure it'll wear off by tomorrow, yeah?" he reassured her.

He didn't look fine to her, even if he was acting as if he was. His face was too pale, and there were lines of pain and exhaustion deeply etched into his face. His hand was still pressed to his abdomen and she knew he was hurting.

"Close your eyes and relax, Conn," she ordered gently.

He looked at her for a long moment, his expression opaque, but he did as she said. She stroked his hair and leaned back against the wall of the cave, unconsciously humming under her breath.

"Abby?" he asked after a few long moments.

"Yeah?" she answered.

"Would you sing to me again please? It helps," he asked shyly.

"Yeah, Connor. If you like."

TBC

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A/N: Connor's symptoms and the plant he ingested is based on the Jerusalem Cherry. Poor Connor.

**I wanted to give another little peek into Connor as well, and Abby needed this. She really did. **

**I really hoped you liked this… please tell me if you did (or didn't.) Reviews feed that ever-ravenous muse of mine. I swear she's eating me out of house and home.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Muse has be dragging her feet as of late, but thank you so much to the folks that take a second to review. I go back and re-read them to help me get rolling. *blushes* I know. I know. Okay, I'll shut it. **

**Oh, and the 'M' rated Missing Reel for last chapter is posted, called 'Scratch the Itch.'**

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Chapter Thirteen

Abby sang to Connor until he drifted off to sleep again. She watched him, stroking his hair and drifting off herself, in the beginning. When he began shivering again, she awoke, and the rest of the night she was afraid to drop off again. He slept, but his slumber was fitful and more than a little bit frightening for Abby. Connor's breathing was horribly shallow, and after the shivering came the whimpering, and then the cold sweats that led to still more shivering. Connor might whinge a little about minor injuries to try to get a little sympathy, but he was fairly stoic about any legitimate ones. He must be hurting worse than he'd let on.

He'd go from sweating to freezing and from coherent to raving. When he'd had a clear-eyed lucid moment, he'd smiled weakly and told her she needed to get some sleep. He claimed that he was fine, and joked that he'd had food poisoning from eating her cooking that affected him worse than this did . Abby had forced a laugh, but she was finding it hard to hold together her façade. She was frightened, and she had no one to blame but herself.

When the delirium took him once more, he'd clutched at her as if she was his lifeline. Her heart broke as more little bits and pieces of his life spilled from him, ugly cold memories she'd not blame him for wanting to keep to himself. He'd called out for his father… he'd even called out for Cutter. He'd said her name again and again, and the pain behind it scared her. She reassured him that she was with him, and she'd never leave. She meant it.

One time in the night, he'd woken from his fitful dreams and begun to try to crawl outside on his own. She had to help him, because he was going, with her or without her. They'd barely managed three steps outside the cave when he'd dropped to his hands and knees. He'd heaved but he had nothing left in his stomach to give, not even bile. He tried to push her away but she wouldn't leave him… couldn't. She stroked his hair and again wished she had something she could do to help him. She hoped he wouldn't be at this all night.

When he'd stopped trying to vomit up his boots, he fell to his side and curled up on himself. Connor went very still and quiet and that frightened her worst of all. He'd withdrawn inside himself to deal with the pain, and she couldn't follow. She wrapped her arms around him, she was still sat outside, but the fire they kept burning outside the entrance of the cave gave off some light and warmth. She'd stay with him until he could move again.

Mindful of his earlier request, she sang to him softly as she stroked his brow. His forehead smoothed and the lines of tension lessened. He cracked open his eyes to look up at her what seemed like hours later, but time was tricky here, impossible to judge. He sat with her assistance; it seemed the worst had passed. She got him to eat some dried fish and drink water, and though he looked wrung through, his mind was clear and present. She sighed in relief, the weight lifting from her. It would be okay. He would be okay.

"It must have been hard," Abby offered awkwardly.

She wanted to ask about the things he'd said while he'd been delirious, but she didn't quite know how to start. At his perplexed look, she figured that she hadn't managed it very smoothly.

Flustered, she continued "With your mum. You said some things…"

"Don't remember exactly…" he shook his head, "Just bad dreams. It was dark and-" he shuddered.

"You said your mum had locked you in the closet," Abby related softly.

He gave a short laugh, "Oh, probably. I was a right pain in the arse when I was a kid. I was always in trouble, you know?"

Her eyes narrowed, "You sounded terrified. How bad could you have possibly been? What could you have done that made her lock you into a closet knowing that it scared you like that?"

Connor gave a false skittish laugh and shrugged, "I was always runnin' my mouth, she said. It wasn't that bad, really."

Abby shook her head. He didn't get it, she could tell.

"Did you have claustrophobia then, or did that come after?" she asked carefully.

His eyes clouded for a moment, a flash of pain crossing his features and then quickly buried.

"After," he answered softly.

"Did she do that when your dad was still alive?" she asked.

"No," he answered quickly. "Yes. But not when Dad was home," he corrected after a few moments.

"Why?" she asked, but she'd bet she already knew the answer, even if he didn't.

"Dad did the punishing when he was home, and he never needed to use the closet. I remember he could make me feel like the smallest thing just by saying he was disappointed in me," he related with a smile, and it was genuine, albeit watery.

Abby made a noise of acknowledgement. Like Cutter had. She got it.

"I'm sorry you went through that sort of abuse," she said, unsure if it was the right thing to say but needing to say _something. _

"No," he laughed shortly, "No, it was _not _abuse," he denied.

"Connor…" Abby began, but then hesitated.

"What you went through? _That_ was abuse. What I went through was just discipline, alright? I wasn't hurt by anything she did. Not ever. She never laid a hand on me," he argued.

But he was. He was hurt by it and he was hurting still. And he still thought he'd earned such treatment… and no one, _no one_ deserved that. Abby carried her own scars, but one thing she had come to terms with from surviving years of abuse was that she did _not _deserve it. She knew she'd done nothing to bring it upon herself, and that the fault of it fell squarely on those that had done it, those that had allowed it to happen, and those that saw the evidence of abuse and yet did nothing to stop it.

"It was abuse, Connor. Just because the wounds are all on the inside doesn't mean they're not there," Abby countered.

"No," he insisted, "She loves me. She just… she had a hard time of it after Dad died, alright? It was _not abuse_."

Abby nodded, willing to drop it for now. He was ill, she'd not push further tonight.

Connor blamed himself. He believed that what had been done to him with words, inattention, and preying on his fears had been warranted. He not only thought he deserved it, but he believed that it was perfectly normal behavior. At most, he'd thought his mother was 'protective.' He'd thought that her not letting him hang out with mates was just part of that protectiveness, and that the caustic words she used on him were born from a desire to keep him safe no matter the cost.

Connor, for all his brains and all the evidence he'd seen to the contrary, still generally believed the best of people. The idea that someone could have an ulterior motive for their actions was beyond his comprehension… the idea simply just didn't occur to him unless you beat him about the head with it. It should have been no revelation to see he applied that same naive innocence to how he was raised.

She loved that about him. She loved that he had such a good heart. She loved that he believed the best of people and had not a duplicitous bone in his body. She loved it, but his open heart had likely taken countless beatings because of it. Abby felt something fierce and protective rising up within her. She would defend that tender heart of his even more passionately than she had ever defended her own. If anyone was to try to hurt him again, they'd have to go through her first.

* * *

The next morning, Connor tried to act as if he was recovering without difficulty from his near miss with the poison fruit, but the fact that he still couldn't stand on his own for more than a few minutes gave him away. Still, he was insisting that he accompany Abby down to the waterfall to check the traps and to gather enough water for the day, and Abby's patience was stretching thin. There was only so many ways to say no.

She'd spent last night giving what comfort and care she could to him, and then the better part of this day trying to keep him from driving himself too hard. Connor hated being confined. He'd wanted to fish, but she'd vetoed that. He'd wanted to rinse out his clothes, but she didn't think he was steady enough to leave the cave. He'd huffed at that, but agreed… that is, until she'd said she was leaving the cave without him.

"Connor, no. I'll be fine," she said for what felt like the millionth time.

"Abby, I'm alright. It's too dangerous to go down there all alone. I'm coming with you," he argued, "I'll just sit and watch, yeah? I'll not try to do anything, I promise."

She huffed in frustration, "What for? What use are you going to be if something happens? You'll just slow me down if I have to run."

He nodded, dropping his head in defeat.

She sighed; she hadn't meant it to come out so harshly, but it was the truth.

"You are still too weak to be moving about, and unless you want to feel ill even longer, you need to rest," she added, trying to temper her previous words by showing the concern she felt for him.

He nodded again, "You're right. I'd likely just get you killed."

"Look… I'll hurry. Besides, you know exactly where I'll be," she continued.

"Yeah. I had a new idea for fixing the anomaly device anyway," he smiled weakly and waved her off.

She didn't like the idea of leaving him alone either, but she had little choice.

* * *

She'd returned from her trip down to the base of the waterfall loaded with a fresh kill that she'd already skinned and cleaned, more water, and she'd even collected some more ferns to pad their grass bedding with. Connor had been tinkering with the anomaly opening device when she left, and by the look of sick disappointment on his face, she gathered that he hadn't made any progress.

"No luck then?" Abby asked.

Connor shook his head, sharp and jerky, "No." The muscle in his jaw was ticking, frustration coming off of him in almost palatable waves.

She smiled conciliatorily, "You'll get it."

He gave a sarcastic snort, "No. I don't think so. I'm fucking useless."

"Don't _do_ that!" Abby shouted, shoving Connor backwards, her fury immediate and explosive.

He fell back on his arse, easily unbalanced by her unexpected attack. He stared up at her in shock. He made no attempt to hide the hurt and puzzlement in his face, but he didn't riposte. Connor's mouth opened and closed as he tried to work out what he was trying to say. Abby certainly was no help to him for that. It infuriated her, frustrated her and drove her to pick at things that she had no business picking at, but she'd had enough of his self-loathing.

"I mean it! Stop it," she fumed.

"Stop what, Abby?" he asked, bewildered.

"That! Stop picking yourself apart! And stop taking it from me, for that matter," she seethed.

He stood up shakily, facing her down. Storms were brewing behind his dark gaze. His jaw clenched, his lips a thin tight line, his nostrils flaring… he was angry. No. he was furious. Good. About time. She met his eyes squarely; she wasn't about to back down either. She was in the right. She lifted an eyebrow in challenge, inviting the argument.

"I broke it. I just destroyed any chance we had of getting ourselves home," he grated, "Forgive me if I am just a little bit down on meself now, alright?" he added, sarcasm dripping from his words.

Abby swallowed hard, a wave of cold passing through her body and taking all her righteous indignation with it. _Oh, hell. _Yeah. She could see why.

"Okay. It's okay. We never really thought it could work again anyway right?" she replied, her voice shaking despite her best efforts to stay calm.

_"I _did_," _he confessed, his voice breaking._ "_I'm sorry. I thought… I really thought I could fix it," he answered, the anger bled from him, leaving only shame and misery.

His hands fluttered helplessly as if he didn't know what to do with them before he crossed his arms across his body and tucked his hands in underneath. His mouth firmed again; he looked away from her and fixed his gaze on the ground.

Abby moved in and took his hands in hers; capturing them from under his arms "It's alright."

He met her gaze for a moment and nodded, "Yeah," he said, but his face told her the truth.

It wasn't alright. Not by far. Connor was holding on by a gossamer thread, and she could see it stretch and thin before her eyes. The device had been his symbol of hope, she realized. Connor could fix anything, if he put his mind to it. He worked on the device or studied it a little every day. He'd truly believed that it was just a matter of time until he was able to figure out how to charge the power supply. Ever the optimist, but he wasn't so optimistic now.

She didn't know what to do to get that hollow, beaten look off of his face, but she knew she had to. She moved in close to him, wrapping her arms around his narrow waist and pressing her face to his chest. After a few long moments, he wrapped his arms around her in return.

"It _is _okay_, will _be_," _she insisted, "You did your best, right?"

"Not good enough," he mumbled, but his arms tightened around her and he buried his face in her neck.

"Connor, if you can't fix it, it's because no one can. We'll get home. Becker and Sarah won't give up on us," she assured him.

He sighed, "I hope you are right."

Abby tipped her head back to look at him, "Come on, Connor. If you want to be my boyfriend, you need to learn something important straightaway…"

He tilted his head to the side and drew his brows together in puzzlement, "What?"

"I'm always right," she smirked.

It startled a laugh out of him and he squeezed Abby a little tighter, "Of course."

TBC

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A/N: We got a little more of a peek into Connor… and Abby is finally showing some sense. She's got a protective streak a mile wide for those that she thinks of as 'hers,' and now Connor falls into that category. Small, but fierce, our Abby.

**I do hope you liked this! Please tell me what you think? Feed my muse? And thanks for reading. : )**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Whew. Feel like I have toiled over this chapter. Like... blood, sweat and tears. I sure hope you like it, and as always… thanks so much to those that take a second to review. : )**

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Chapter 14

Connor recovered from his bout of poisoning, although it had taken a few days for him to shake off the symptoms fully. It would take him much longer to recover from what he had done to himself by breaking the anomaly opening device. Connor no longer attempted to repair it. He'd tucked it away with all the other remnants of the world they left behind and threw himself into surviving this one.

He had also stopped talking about getting home, changing the subject and dancing away from any mention of the life they'd left behind. Abby thought it was too painful for him; he wanted to get them home so desperately, and yet there was nothing he could do to make it happen. When he worked on the device, he had a way to actively attempt to do _something_ to get them home. He still blamed himself for destroying it, and with it, any chance they could get themselves home. Now they just had to hope for someone to find them.

Connor had broken the anomaly opening device beyond repair, and something inside of him had broken along with it. He'd believed in himself, his technical skills were the one thing he was always fairly sure of. Connor knew he could fix it, but his failure to do so was a confirmation that his self-confidence was ill placed, despite how poorly equipped he was to repair the device with no tools or parts. Abby would bring it up in conversation, and he'd change the subject. Ordinarily she wouldn't allow him to avoid confrontation like that; they had promised to talk to each other, but seeing the near panic behind his eyes was enough of a warning to her that _this_ time she should just let it be.

Abby had managed to get him to listen long enough for her to explain that it wasn't the end, that they still had to have hope, and Connor made the appropriate noises like he agreed with her but his heart wasn't in it. It was strange to be the one with all the optimism… that was Connor's role but he was certainly failing to fill it. It wasn't that he acted depressed or anything, it was just as if he'd walled off that part of himself, and perhaps he had. She hoped he wasn't losing it; she needed him sane if she was to keep her own sanity.

There were days that it hit her hard that they had been trapped in the past far longer than either one of them anticipated they would be. There were days that she'd lost hope, but ever optimistic Connor had pulled her through it; she was determined to do the same for him. As long as they could keep busy, she could put the thought out of her mind that they may never get home.

She tried to keep Connor busy with creating tools and gathering greens and anything else she could dream up to add to what they already did as part of their daily routine. Connor was having the same internal struggle now as she'd had many times before, but he was working so hard not to show it. He was trying to be strong for her (silly and unnecessary, but sweet), but neither Connor nor Abby were exactly comfortable living in a cave in the wild, even one that was as ideal as theirs. The thought that it might be permanent was enough to frighten anyone.

As far as living in a cave went, Abby was pretty fond of hers. The cave itself was not large, but they also made use of the sizable overhanging cliff that the cave was recessed into. The small size of the cave itself helped conserve the heat from the fire that they kept burning at the entrance, and they only used it for sleeping so they didn't need a lot of space. There was a tiny sparkling spring nearby, and the view from the cliff that it opened up into outside was spectacular. The trail leading to it was narrow and steep, but it served to make it more difficult for predators to reach their sanctuary.

The cave was situated near enough to the water that the journey wasn't a tough one, even when they were exhausted… which they often were. The problem with reaching the river lay more with avoiding the wildlife that used the river rather than the journey itself. Their preferred area had always been at the base of the waterfall, until a family unit of deinonychus had moved in. They had to scout carefully to be sure they were out of the area before they made the trip, and the traps were located down there, so that meant a nail-biting journey twice a day. They'd had a number of close calls.

The river feeding the falls was even closer nearby, but the river moved swiftly, the rocks surrounding the shore was slippery, and it was often used by creatures as a water source. Regardless, it had become their preferred source for water thanks to the dinosaurs taking over more aggressively in the past few days. Abby hoped they might move on, but they were acting as if they were settling down to stay. They were outnumbered here, but they could run into the exact same problem anywhere they went. She was getting tired of avoiding the area because the dinosaurs _might_ be there. It was no way to live. She was determined to convince Connor to agree with her.

"Connor, I want a bath today, when we go to check the traps," Abby said casually as she took a sip of her pine needle tea.

"We can rinse off in the river, Abby. I don't fancy staying longer than we have to at the base of the falls," Connor disagreed.

"I want a proper bath, not just rinsing off," she argued.

"It's too dangerous. The deinonychus have been more active lately. Once they move out we can go back to using it like we did before," he appeased.

"I think they have come to stay. We can't just… live in fear. We'll be careful, and if they are too close then we'll try again later," Abby countered.

Connor shook his head, "Abby, I don't like it."

"If the dinosaurs are there, then we'll not try it. Simple enough," she shrugged.

Connor sighed heavily, but nodded, "Okay. Okay, but we'll be quick about it."

Abby grinned, happy to have scored her victory and kissed him on the cheek before flouncing away to get her gear.

They gathered what they would need for the trip to the falls, and Abby noticed that he'd grabbed his gaff along with the other supplies. She gestured to it and lifted an inquiring eyebrow.

"It would be nice to have some fresh fish, yeah? The dried is running low, and I figure if we are going to be down there anyway, perhaps we can get some fishing done," Connor explained.

"Good idea, but what I wouldn't give for a pizza," she replied plaintively.

Connor gave a short laugh, "Definitely no anchovies."

She smiled in return, cheered that he had actually commented on something that referred to the life they left behind. Maybe he was starting to come around.

"Yeah. I never want to see another fish, even if it _is_ on a pizza," she agreed, trying to hide her relief.

They cut off conversation as they made their way down the trail and headed for the base of the waterfall, but she reached out and took Connor's hand in hers. He smiled one of his breathtaking bright dimpled grins at her and squeezed her hand. Any small gesture on her part was enough to make him smile, and she'd deliberately tried to do them more often. Despite the situation, she had to admit that she'd found more happiness being trapped here with Connor than she had in her entire life, once she'd stopped fighting so hard against it.

Connor gave her hand one more squeeze and let it go before moving into the point position. They were near the falls, and Connor was going to scout ahead to see if they could safely begin the climb down, or if they had to try back later. She kept her spear at ready, listening for any sign of trouble from Connor. His head popped up within view a few moments later and he waved her down.

Abby traversed her way down to where Connor waited at the bottom of the falls, picking her footing carefully. He held up a hand to caution her while he scouted in the field surrounding the pool that the falls emptied into. She watched him carefully, ready to come to his aid at a moment's notice.

"Clear. Go on, Abby. But quickly, remember?" he cautioned as he came back to her side.

"Yes, Connor, I remember. How could I forget?" she replied impatiently, rolling her eyes, but she was already stripping down.

After she entered the lake, Connor waded in so that he was nearer to her; he must be planning on going for a quick swim also, else he would have stayed on shore and she would have just bathed in the shallower waters. Abby ducked her head under and scrubbed as much dirt out of her hair as she could, before emerging far sooner than she would have liked. Mindful of the need for silence, she waded closer to Connor so she wouldn't have to raise her voice over the noise of the falls roaring in the background.

"Finished, Connor. Just let me get dressed," she said from right behind him.

Connor started at the sound of her voice; she must have moved more quietly than she thought. He glanced back at her, did a double-take and stared. She smirked as his eyes roamed down her body, finally lifting back to her face. She had gotten much more comfortable with being naked or near naked with Connor. They had shared a few more interludes that had ended in a measure of satisfaction for them both, and she was even beginning to feel comfortable teasing him a little bit… like now.

Connor's dark eyes darkened further and he swallowed and licked his lips before he tore his eyes away to fix on the horizon again.

"Okay," he replied, a little breathlessly.

She laughed to herself and pulled on her underclothes and vest before tapping Connor on the shoulder. Unlike Connor, she minded wearing wet jeans and boots. She'd put them back on when he had finished.

He handed off his spear to her and began stripping down. She peeked a few times while she was supposed to be watching for creatures, but she couldn't help herself. It was all that soft gleaming skin over hard muscle, she reasoned, and the way his wet hair always went every which way. A wet Connor was hard to resist, even if he'd left his jeans on. Still, she got a glimpse of his bare arse as he dropped his jeans to wash, but as tempting as the sight was, the danger of attack was real. She had to pay attention to their surroundings, as much as she'd like to pay attention to other things. If she had her way, she'd be seeing more of him later on this evening.

He was just finishing up when she spied movement in the distance. Abby narrowed her eyes and tried to make it out; it looked like a dinosaur of some sort, and it was moving closer… and it was _big. _She moved closer to Connor as quickly as she could in the thigh-deep water. He looked over at her as he heard her approach; his brows drew together and his face settled into a worried frown once he took in her expression.

"Connor. I think we need to go. I see something," she said as calmly as she was able to.

He focused on the area she pointed at, paled and cursed softly.

He nodded rapidly, "Get out Abby. I'm right behind you."

She made her way to the shore and scooped up the remainder of her clothes as she slid her feet into her boots. Despite Connor's instructions to go on without him, she waited by the shore as he gathered the rest of their gear. She wasn't leaving without him. He motioned for her to go but she crossed her arms and lifted her eyebrow. His jaw firmed and his nostrils flared in anger but he didn't bother trying to argue with her, he just hurried. For Connor, it was the equivalent of a temper tantrum. As soon as he had the remainder of the gear in hand, she turned to go.

She picked her way back up to the fork in the trail leading to either their cave or to the river. They still needed water, and it looked like the river would be where they would have to get it. No fresh fish for now.

She opened her mouth to ask what the dinosaur was as soon as Connor joined her, but he beat her to it.

"Acrocanthosaurus," Connor spit out angrily without even waiting for Abby to ask the question.

"Meaning?" Abby prompted; sometimes Connor forgot she was not a paleontologist.

"Right. Sorry. Theropod… like the deinonychus, carnivore, really, really big. Looked like that one was ten and a half meters at least. Remember the giganotosaurus? Very similar, just slightly smaller, and with neural spines," he described, waving his hand vaguely at his spine as he paced restlessly back and forth.

"Was it still coming?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, yeah. And it saw me. Hopefully it moves out soon. That thing is an alpha predator, Abby. I'd hoped we'd not see one," he paused in his pacing and looked at her, anger simmering beneath the surface, "And damn it, the next time I ask you to go… you need to go," he fumed.

"Don't even try it!" she warned, "Like I'm going to leave you behind? You are the one that keeps harping on the fact that we should not be separated," she argued heatedly.

Connor growled in frustration, but dropped the subject. He knew she wouldn't back down; it just wasn't in her, especially when he knew she was right.

He cut her a sideways glance and nodded, "I'm going to move ahead to scout before we go to the river. A predator that big likely scared everything out of the area, but we want to be sure, don't we?"

"I'll be right behind you," she agreed.

She kept Connor in her sights, although he had moved pretty far ahead of her. She caught her breath as he froze, stock still. He held up a hand to warn her back. He looked at her and shook his head as he returned; he pointed back to the cave. She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off with an emphatic shake of his head. Abby furrowed her brow and headed back, curious as to why they had abandoned the trip altogether. They needed their water for the day, at least. They could have just moved further upriver. She hoped he hadn't overreacted.

"Why did you stop?" she inquired tersely.

She was proud of herself for asking before she attacked him for his decision, even if it came out a little snippy. She was working on it, but it was a constant struggle for her. She'd been trying to convince him that he shouldn't be so down on himself all the time, but it was pointless if she just reinforced that belief with her own words. It wasn't Connor's fault. It was her. Her with her superiority and her waspish retorts and her lack of patience. She wasn't going to treat him as his mother had. She could be a better person, for him. She was going to try, anyway.

"The deinonychus have moved to the river. They're spread over the whole plain. We're cut off, Abby. We're cut off from our primary food source and our water supply, as well," Connor replied, his voice rising an octave in his distress.

"We have the dried fruit and dried fish, and we can drink from the spring… half the time we do anyway," Abby soothed.

Connor's mouth firmed, "You're right, and we'll try back in a little bit, yeah?"

Abby nodded, and took his hand in hers.

* * *

They did try back, but they were well and truly cut off. Luckily they were able to access a portion their hunting grounds, even if they couldn't use the river for fear of attack. They would not starve, nor run out of wood for the fires. Abby was grateful of the tiny spring outside the cave; even if it was shallow, and a slow feed, it would ensure that they didn't die of thirst.

By that evening, Connor was attempting to come up with some way to scare off any dinosaurs that might decide that Abby and Connor were kibble. Ordinarily, they both were of the mindset that they were the invaders, not the creatures, but that was before they'd been cut off from their main food and water supply. Connor couldn't seem to sit still, and his anxiety continued to build to the point where Abby knew she had to do _something._

"Connor, come sit down. You'll not do anything more tonight, anyway. Come sit with me," she cajoled.

He did as she asked, but he was still fidgety.

"You are driving me mad with all that twitching," she commented.

He chewed his lip and looked at her apologetically, "Sorry. I need to figure out how to keep them away. This is the only place we can feel safe, but if the dinosaurs move in any closer, we'll not even be safe here. They'll trap us here, and we will starve. I can't protect you from them, Abby. What if-"

"Connor. Stop it," she interrupted, "We're in this together and we protect each other. I don't much like the idea of confronting either the family group of deinonychus or the acrocanthosaurus. I'm all for using the areas when the dinosaurs are out of the area, but chasing them off? I don't know how we'll manage it."

"If I can pull the deinonychus away from the family unit one at a time-" he began.

"No. Out of the question. Trap them or barricade them, but if you think you are going to actively hunt them you can forget it," she argued.

"Well I've got to get them into the trap somehow, don't I?" he countered.

"I don't care how tasty you are, we are _not_ using you as bait," Abby bantered.

"Din't stop Danny," he lamented, but he was grinning at her, bright and wide, his dark chocolate eyes dancing with mirth.

She laughed as she was meant to, "We'll sort something out, alright?"

He tilted his head so he could look at her; she smiled gently as she ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Some of the tension seemed to leave him as he smiled back, "Okay."

"Connor?" she asked.

"Yeah?" he replied, his face open and questioning.

Her fingers fisted in his hair and she pulled him towards her, stopping a hairsbreadth from his lips, "Have I ever told you how hot you look half naked and wet?"

The left side of his mouth lifted in a half smile before he breached the distance between them to crush his mouth over hers in a searing kiss.

He broke off and gave a short laugh, "Likewise," he murmured.

She laughed as she saw the flush rising in his cheeks, but then he was kissing her again and she couldn't think at all.

TBC

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A/N: Well, looks like they're going to have to figure something out with the dinos, eh? And Abby is still determined to get Connor to understand that abuse has many faces. They have jumped a lot of hurdles, I think. They're getting there.

**If you liked this, please do review? (Or if you hate it) My muse has been rebelling as of late, and she needs all the encouragement she can get. Please feed her?**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: So there is a 'Missing Reel' between last chapter and this one titled 'Trust and Consequences.' It's M-rated, fair warning. I **_**do**_** feel that it is important to the story, but you won't be lost if you choose not to read it, you'll get the idea from this chapter. We'll just say that Abby and Connor got a little bit closer. *grins* Wow, a lot of writing though.**

**And thank you to all those that reviewed both this fic and the MR! It means so much! Hope ya like this...**

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Chapter 15

Abby lay against Connor, contemplating his question. It always seemed easier to talk to each other openly after their little interludes. Perhaps the lines of communication were looser, or the tension was lessened, or maybe it was just laying skin on skin, happy and sated and in each other's arms. Whatever the cause of it, she and Connor both took advantage of times like these to try to get past the barriers they'd erected. She'd come to realize that he had as many walls built up as she did, although they were decorated a little differently.

He'd asked her about being barren… an uncomfortable topic for her, but he deserved an answer.

"I have a lot of scar tissue, and it has blocked the fallopian tubes. It's like I had my tubes tied," she explained, trying for detached and clinical and failing by a mile.

"How'd you find out?" he asked softly.

His hand stroked up and down her arm, silently giving comfort.

"When they took us away from home... The investigators, they… The bruising was so severe…" she paused; she didn't want to talk about it.

"Never mind, Abby. You need not talk about anything you don't want to," Connor assured her, squeezing her gently.

She cleared her throat, "They did a scope to check me for damage. Was horrible, but at least I know."

"I'm sorry," he offered, his voice gentle.

"Why'd you ask?" she asked after a few more long moments had passed.

She expected he was going to talk about having kids someday. He'd probably not understood that when she'd said she couldn't have children, it wasn't all about the physical part of it. She'd not trust herself to raise a child. Not after the childhood _she'd _had. But Connor was so good with kids… he probably would want a handful, and _that_ was something she had no interest in whatsoever. None.

She hated to be a disappointment to him, but she'd been up front about it, and at the time he'd sworn that he didn't care. She supposed it was only a matter of time before he realized what it actually meant. Abby couldn't help the little niggle of fear that wormed through her; what if he decided that he didn't want her now that he'd really had time to think on it? She braced herself for his answer.

"Um. We were um… pretty close tonight. And if we are able to…" he looked at her, briefly meeting her eyes as his face flamed, but he forged on, "keep going? I don't want to take the chance you could get pregnant," he finished in a rush.

"Oh," she replied stupidly; she'd called that one all wrong.

"Um. No. Not at all likely. Impossible without surgery," she expounded, the surprise at his question loosening her tongue more than she'd intended.

He turned his head to look down at her, his dark eyes glinting in the darkness, "Surgery?"

_Oops._ She'd not meant to let that slip. When they'd done the scope, they'd mentioned that she could try to have the damage repaired. She'd been disgusted with the mere thought of it at the time.

"Slim chance…" she said shortly, "but no. You'll not get me pregnant, Connor."

"Good. That's good," he replied, with a short nervous laugh.

The exam hadn't been pleasant, but it had confirmed that the abuse she'd suffered was severe enough and long enough in duration that what Jack had done by killing their step-father was closer to self-defense rather than murder. She'd never wanted to go through the exam again, and she knew if she ever wanted to get the damage repaired, she'd have to. Even then, it was only a slim chance for success. She'd not want him to think otherwise. God, she didn't want to talk about this, but she needed to.

"The doctor said they could possibly do surgery to clear out the scar tissue, but there is no guarantee," she explained.

"Oh. So if we decided later on to have children-" he began.

"You are getting a little ahead of yourself aren't you?" Abby interrupted, her tone cold and waspish.

He levered himself up so he could meet her gaze, "Abby… I'll be honest. If it ever was to happen… and I'm _not_ asking for it… it would be with you. Just you."

The sweetness and sincerity in that little heartfelt statement shamed her. She'd known what he had meant by it, and she'd deliberately turned it against him because it made her uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, Connor," she apologized, stroking his cheek, "Sore subject with me. I didn't mean to be nasty."

He nodded, "I know. I just want you, Abby. The kids don't matter. I was just asking if you had the option, if you would want to."

"No," she answered quickly. "I'd be a horrible mum. I don't know the first thing about properly taking care of a child. I surely can't look to my own mum as an example."

Connor shook his head, "That's just not true. You'd be great, I know it."

"You don't worry about yourself?" she asked gently.

He went very still beside her; his face frozen and eyes shuttered. It was a touchy subject with him, one he expertly evaded when the topic was broached.

He blinked rapidly and shook his head, more of a twitch than anything else, "Why should I?"

"Connor… don't."

Panic grew behind his eyes, the denial he'd hidden behind for so long threatening to crack and fall and come crashing down around him if he faced it head on. He scrambled to get up and get away, but she held him; her hands gripped his forearms, preventing him from escaping. His body trembled as his fight or flight response kicked in… with Abby, flight usually won out.

"It's okay, Connor. It is," she asserted.

He shook his head slowly, "No. You're wrong. She _loves _me. I just made her so angry-"

"_No_. You were a _child_. What she did to you was inexcusable, alright? You might as well say I deserved what I got," she insisted.

"No!" his eyes went wide and shocked, fear, denial and pain warring for dominance.

"It doesn't mean she doesn't love you… it just means she has a problem," she continued, her tone gentle.

His bottom lip trembled; he pressed his lips together. His face contorted as he tried to hold it in, but he was losing the battle.

"I tried so hard. I tried, but it was never good enough," he choked out, looking to her for acceptance, "I was never good enough." He squeezed his eyes shut, his jaw clenching, his hands balled into white-knuckled fists, "But I'm not him! I can't _be _him."

Abby wound her arms around him and pulled him close, "Shhh, Connor. It's okay."

His shoulders shook as he let loose the sobs he'd been trying to hold back, "I tried," he said again, his voice small and wounded.

"It wasn't your fault. None of it," she argued.

He'd been there for her, through this nightmare that they were in… through her retelling of her own horrible childhood. If she had the opportunity to be there for him, to be a shoulder for him to cry on, she was bloody well going to act on it.

She held him as he sobbed, and the pain behind it made her ache for him. She wished she could make it go away. If she ever met his mother she'd be hard pressed not to belt her one. She held him until he calmed, pulling away shakily and scrubbing his hands over his face.

"Sorry," he said, his voice rusty.

"Don't be. For what it's worth, Connor… I think you'd make a great dad," Abby said as she pulled him back down to lie beside her.

He gave a short huff, not quite laughter and not quite a sigh.

She snuggled into the warmth of his shoulder, closing her eyes and letting his presence comfort her. She could allow herself this, under the cover of night. She could almost let herself pretend that she was a normal girl lying down with her boyfriend… well, aside from the cave, and the pallet, and the fact that they were the only two humans in the world… and whole trapped in a prehistoric era part of it.

She was almost lulled into sleep when Connor levered up to look at her again, his face pensive, "Abby?"

"Yeah?" she replied, hoping he wasn't going to ask more questions she'd rather not have to answer tonight.

She truly thought she'd had enough of an emotional rollercoaster for one evening.

"Aside from when you had me stop to put me hands behind me head, were you… did you get scared or… or uneasy tonight?" he asked, stumbling a little over his words.

"A little bit," she answered finally; it was best to be honest, even if she didn't like to admit it.

He made a noise of consideration, "You know, I think it's probably best that we stick to the… er… just-"

"Oral sex?" Abby interjected, cracking a smile at his stammering and the redness creeping up his face.

He chuckled, abashed but amused at the same time, "Yeah."

"Hmmm," she answered, noncommittally.

"At least until you are truly comfortable the whole time, yeah?" he continued.

"Could take a while, yet," Abby admitted, after thinking over his words; he had a valid point.

"S'alright. I told you I din't mind, and I mean it," he replied with a brief smile, but then his face settled back into pensive lines again.

A few moments later, he added "And we've _obviously_ got time, eh?" he trivialized, but the bitterness was there, beneath it all.

She knew it wouldn't go away until they were home safe. There was not a lot she could do about that, but she could try to lighten the mood.

"Connor Temple, are you playing hard to get?" Abby teased.

It startled a laugh out of him, "Oh, right." He glanced towards her, a mischievous smile playing about his lips, "Well, _something_ is usually hard around you, anyway."

Abby giggled at his bad joke, glad to have distracted him.

* * *

Abby woke as dawn was breaking over the horizon; yet another day in the Cretaceous. Connor was breathing deeply beside her, still lost in dreaming. She smiled and shifted up on her elbow so she could watch him, unobserved. She had never thought she could have what she did with Connor. She never thought she could have it with _anyone_, she amended, but she was glad it was with Connor.

After last night, she thought that just maybe Connor had been right about them. They could work through things, given enough time. She wanted to believe him, and Connor had not ever given her reason to doubt him. He'd certainly proven that he had the patience for it, and last night that patience had paid dividends. He'd given her an incredible evening, and they were the merest step away from consummating what they felt for each other completely.

She rose after a few moments, beginning her morning routine. She spared once last glance at the still sleeping Connor and began to throw some of the wood they kept piled near the entrance on the fire, encouraging the coals to break into flames. She heated water by dropping hot stones into the wooden vessel that served as their 'kettle,' and then sprinkled the surface with pine needles for their morning tea.

They shared their tea and morning meal in companionable silence, Connor stealing little pleased glances at her while he ate. She refrained from rolling her eyes at him only because he seemed happier than he had in days, and she didn't want to spoil it. Besides… she had to admit it was kind of cute. As they readied themselves for a morning trip down to the base of the falls, Connor was all business again. He checked and double checked their gear with a restless energy that set Abby's teeth on edge. If she was a little short with him, he didn't seem to notice, he was so preoccupied with what lay ahead of them. Abby was far more pragmatic. If the dinosaurs was still there by the falls, they'd try the river instead. She was certain that one of the areas would be accessible.

She was wrong. They had been unable to reach either the falls of the river for the second day in a row, and they were beginning to feel a little bit desperate. At the moment, they were sat by their cave trying to keep themselves occupied. Connor worked to carve out some more wooden bowls and cups while Abby rubbed the interior of one he'd already roughed out with sand and a rounded rock to smooth the inside. It passed the time, and kept their hands busy. They'd decided that if they were still cut off the following day, they would make the long journey far enough around so that they could at least replenish their supply of fish. They'd not wanted to chance getting caught out in the dark, so it would have to wait until morning.

Connor had gone quiet on her, a sure sign that he was having a difficult time dealing with their situation. He gouged the interior of the chunk of wood viciously with the sharp flake of flint in his hand as if it was the cause of all their problems. She'd tried drawing him out in conversation, but she'd only managed to get non-committal grunts out of him. Abby tried to hold on to her patience; she was having a hard time of it, too but she wasn't pouting about it.

She finally managed to get him talking, but she wasn't much liking what he said. He suggested that they find somewhere else to live. She knew that the creatures were drawn to the water source, and anywhere they chose to live that was next to a water source would have the same problems they had already. If they were not near the water, then that meant a dangerous journey overland for the basic necessities of life. She won the argument, but she ceded that they would start to be on the lookout for a better location to live during their scouting trips, just in case.

She really hoped they had better luck in the morning.

**TBC**

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A/N: Soooo. Abby makes Connor confront his issues, at least in part. Hope you liked this chapter, I know it was a little bit of a departure…

**Anyways, I'd like to know what you think, so please take a second to review and feed my starving muse? As always, thank you for reading.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: A little different in tone, this one is. I hope you like it. : )**

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Chapter 16

The dinosaurs moved out far enough to allow them access to the lake and river on the third day, but they stayed in the area. Over the past couple of weeks Connor became obsessed with driving them out for good, but he'd yet to come up with a plan that she would agree to. Today, he'd wanted to go and scout to the north. He thought there might be a way to use the crevasse he'd fallen into when they'd gotten separated, but he needed to see what he had to work with. Abby was all for it; she wanted to be rid of them as badly as he did.

She was sick to death of the constant strain that came with having to be continuously hyper-aware of their surroundings, and Connor was as near to snapping as she'd ever seen him. She didn't know how to help him; the only time he seemed like himself was in the evenings, and even then, he was not quite the same. She thought it must be due to the fact that he felt so ineffectual as of late. The anomaly device was broken, he'd managed to almost die of poisoning, Abby had almost died in the river, and now their safe little secure home had been threatened by encroaching dinosaurs.

The one bright spot in all the darkness was that the growing love and tenderness between them. Their romantic interludes were a welcome stress relief, and each time, Abby felt more and more secure in Connor's arms. One of her psychologists that social services had insisted she see would have said that she was beginning to associate the sexual feelings she was having with good memories, thanks to Connor. It also served to make him more confidant, as well. Once he knew how much pleasure he brought her, it made all the difference.

Another strange effect of their growing intimate relationship was that Connor had become much more open and assertive with Abby. She thought he was beginning to believe that she wouldn't reject him, and just maybe believe that she truly _did_ love him. She couldn't help the little barbs she still threw out at him on occasion, but for the most part, he would give her a smirk and tell her to 'be nice.' For her part, she usually was, and she apologized when she wasn't. Mostly. Usually. Sometimes.

She _was _making a decided effort to tell him the things that she would have just kept to herself, before. He needed to hear them, and so despite the discomfort and embarrassment that being so open about her feelings caused her, she said them. She was sure to tell him he was sexy, handsome, well fit or gorgeous at least once a day, and he still blushed adorably each time that she did. The blush alone would have been worth it.

This morning, when Connor said he had the germ of an idea, but he needed to see it to work out the rest of it, she suggested they make the scouting trip to check the crevasse. Abby needed to do something _different_, or she'd slowly go insane. They loaded their packs with any and everything they thought they might need. Neither one would like the idea of spending the night away from the cave, but they thought it best to be prepared to do so, just in case.

"Ready, then?" Connor asked her, hoisting his spear over his shoulder.

She smiled at him, "Almost. There is something else, before we go."

He looked to her inquisitively and quirked an eyebrow at the secretive little smile she wore, "What?"

She stalked over to him and wound her arms around his neck, sinking one hand deep into his thick mop of dark hair. She formed her body to his and kissed him deeply. He sighed against her mouth and returned her kiss enthusiastically before they broke apart for air.

"What was that for?" he asked, his dimple flashing in his cheek as he grinned.

She grinned back, "For being you. Besides, I'll not be able to do that for a while, since we're scouting."

"Mmm. Can I have another?" he asked, his eyes flicking down to her lips as his arms pulled her in closer.

He was still smiling as she pressed her lips to his.

* * *

They split apart as they always did when they were scouting, Connor taking the point position. She was sure to keep an eye on him at all times; she didn't want a repeat performance of the last time they'd gotten separated. Connor was all seriousness, and to his credit, he never looked back to reassure himself that Abby was behind him. He still trusted that she would be.

They had been walking for quite some time before Connor spotted what he'd been looking for, the crevasse he'd fallen into whilst looking for Abby. They followed it down as the crack got deeper and wider, stopping as Connor pointed out the place that he'd climbed out when he'd been stuck. He stopped again much further down, waiting for her to catch up. They needed to stop for a meal at some point, but she wasn't sure that this was the best place for it. The forest had thinned down somewhat, so they had a clear view of the surrounding area, but the deinonychus often ranged this far north. Still, Theropod dinosaurs were common. If it wasn't them they were bothered about, then it could just as easily be another species.

"Why'd you stop? Are you ready to eat?" she asked as she arrived at Connor's side.

He smiled tightly, but never removed his eyes from the horizon, "As good a place as any, I figure. This is where I fell in."

Abby leaned over the edge and looked down. She blanched as she registered the steep walls, and the ground that was far below.

"Connor… you could've died," she said softly, her eyes narrowed; he'd never told her.

He nodded, "Yeah," his tone matter-of-fact, "It was close; I got lucky."

She punched him on the shoulder, "Stupid!"

Connor shot her a startled look, confusion flitting across his features.

"Sorry," she apologized, "Just… _please_ be careful."

He studied her face, his eyes softening for her the way they always did, even out here when he was so focused on survival that she almost didn't recognize the man that lie beneath it all.

He nodded, a ghost of a smile on his lips, "S'alright."

They sat with their backs to the crevasse as they made a quick meal of died fish and fruit. Connor talked quietly as they ate. Abby chuckled; he'd finally found his 'indoor' voice thanks to the ever-present danger they faced here.

He paused and quirked an eyebrow, "What're you laughing at?"

"I was just thinking that you finally learned how to speak quietly. It just took the threat of being torn to bits to manage it," she snickered.

"Funny," he replied, rolling his eyes, but she won a smile anyway.

"I thought so," she smirked.

Connor laughed, and shrugged depreciatingly.

He seemed a little less tense, and she was glad of it. He even smiled and laughed with her as they finished their meal, although he was still more subdued than he was in the security of their cave. As they made ready to leave, Connor stopped and grabbed Abby's arm and pointed.

"What's that?" he asked excitedly.

"Um. A tree? Connor, we really should get moving," she replied.

"Yes, yes, a tree… but what's happened to it?" he prompted.

She looked up at the tree and frowned, "It's been blackened. My guess is a lightning strike," she shrugged, "And?"

"Abby, I don't know why it didn't occur to me before. Fire. These creatures know fire… they are instinctively afraid of it, yeah?" he asked, hands waving and enthusiasm lighting up his dark eyes.

She nodded, "Yes. Hardwired in, it seems. Where are you going with this?"

He got that look on his face that signaled he had a brilliant idea, and he knew it, "The deinonychus. We have the magnesium stick so that we can set fires quickly… or just make torches, and we trap them between the crevasse and fire. We circle behind them and set the ground ablaze. It happens in nature all the time. It's not like we're putting anyone's home in danger or anything. We just need to make sure the wind is blowing strongly in the direction of the crevasse, and we'll need to be quick."

"Connor, we are going to have to catch them while they are close to this area… and we are going to have to move very quickly to cut them off. How are we going to keep them from stampeding the other way? It's going to be dangerous," she argued.

"A little further down, the crevasse curves into a horseshoe before it continues on. If we can catch 'em in there, it'll not be so difficult to make it work, will it? Come on, I'll show ya what I mean," he offered his hand to help her up.

She sighed, but nodded. She would at least take a look before she dismissed the idea outright.

Connor again took point as she followed him down. Sure enough, the crevasse formed a tight horseshoe further down. She had to admit, if they could get the dinos into the area, it was a good plan. They would have to watch them closely, and follow behind far enough so that they were not viewed as nibbles, but it just might work.

She rejoined Connor, who for once was all smiles and excited joy. It about stopped her heart to see him like that; it reminded her so much of the Connor he was before they were trapped in this place that it made her chest ache to see it. She would agree to just about anything if it would bring that Connor back to her. He'd always been so optimistic and full of life, and it about killed her to see the bitterness eating away at his bright soul. She knew he was still in there; she saw it sometimes.

"I think it might work, but it will be dangerous. Everything will have to be perfect, and we need to be ready at a moment's notice to follow them," Abby conceded.

"We can help herd them this direction with torches. They'll smell the smoke and try to get away. We just need to get them close, Abby," he continued earnestly.

"What about the acrocanthosaurus?" she asked.

He sobered, "I don't know, but he's a single dinosaur. Easier to avoid one than half a dozen, yeah?"

Abby nodded, "Yeah. One thing at a time."

Connor suggested that since they had never been so far north, and they still had a lot of daylight remaining, that they go on and scout farther before they headed home. She allowed Connor to get ahead of her again as they headed out. Fairly quickly, the forest thinned out even more, transitioning into scrublands. Flat and desolate, they didn't spot any creatures in the area. Abby was just about to catch up to Connor to suggest they head back when she saw something flickering on the eastern horizon.

_Could it be?_ She shaded her eyes and blinked rapidly. A silver ball of flickering light stood out against the flat plain. She looked to Connor; he'd gotten fairly far ahead again. She glanced around again, and deemed that yelling for him was worth the risk. There was nothing around for miles.

"Connor! Look! An anomaly!" she shouted, pointing at the ball of light.

"Run for it Abby! I'm right behind ya!" he shouted back.

She turned and ran, knowing that Connor would be hard on her heels. She'd wait for him when she reached it, but he was a fast runner, and he'd probably make it just seconds behind her. Her lungs burned as she ran, hope pushing her farther, to run faster. The anomaly was much further away than she'd initially thought, but the thought that home could be on the other side fueled her to keep going.

"Abby! Watch out!" Connor called out behind her, but it was too late; she was falling.

She screamed as the ground crumbled beneath her feet and she scrambled desperately for a handhold. She slid down the steep grade, crying out as she hit her hip hard as she landed. Connor was calling for her frantically; she shook her head to try to clear it.

"I'm fine Connor. Go on!" she yelled as soon as she could catch her breath.

His worried face appeared over the edge of the cliff, "Abby? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Go on!" she cried.

"No. Let's get you out," he disagreed.

"It might disappear! What if it's the way home?" Abby argued.

"What if it's not? I'll not go anywhere without you," he countered stubbornly.

"Connor, no!"

He was already levering himself down over the edge, ignoring her protests. He cursed once softly, looking out towards the anomaly before he dropped himself over the edge. She'd fallen into one of the numerous cracks in the earth that feathered out from the larger crevasse. She'd known they were there, but in her excitement, she'd forgotten to watch her feet. What had started as a small crack had crumbled under her feet, and now she found herself in a rather large aperture in the earth.

Connor landed beside her and immediately began checking her over for any injuries, his hands ghosting over her body.

"I'm fine," she sighed, "Why? Why did you not go when I asked you to? If you got home, you could fix the device and come back for me."

He shook his head, "No way I'd do that. Anything could happen to you here. Besides, we'd not have made it. It's already closed," he said quietly.

Her legs collapsed out from under her, but Connor caught her before she fell. He held her to him, and she let him. So close. They'd been so close. She bit her lip hard and tried like hell to hold in her tears of anger and frustration. Connor's strong arms around her helped, but she felt like such a failure for throwing away their chance to get home because she'd slipped.

"It's alright, Abby. We're fine. We'd not have made it anyway," he told her, immediately understanding where her mind had gone when he told her the anomaly had closed.

"I know better than that. I was careless," she disagreed.

"It could have easily been me," he said, tipping up her chin so he could look into her eyes.

She didn't see any accusation behind his warm chocolate eyes, only concern and love.

He wiped a smear of dirt off of her cheek and took her hands in his, kissed the scrape on the back of her hand gently, "Are you okay?"

She nodded. She wasn't. Not yet, but she would be. She'd not let this beat her.

"I think this is good news, Abby. We've seen two different anomaly sites. I'm thinking that this area is more predisposed to them. I think it's only a matter of time before we see another," he said, and she could tell that he believed it.

The crack she'd fallen in wasn't nearly as steep as the main crevasse, but it still was impossible to climb up. They began walking south, hoping to find an area that was climbable. The bottom widened and narrowed as they journeyed, eventually meandering down to join the main crevasse. Connor joked that he knew his way back once they got a little farther down, and Abby forced a smile although she didn't much feel like smiling.

She was lost in her own thoughts, trying hard not to be down on herself. They'd figured out how to run the deinonychus out of their area, and Connor had become convinced that they were on some sort of rift area that made anomalies much more likely to occur. A sort of 'thin spot' was how he chose to explain it to her. He believed that this place in time was a jumping point, similar to the spaghetti junction they had run into once before. He'd spent the walk back animatedly explaining it to her, but she honestly had not followed much of the conversation. She could talk for days about animal behavior, but Connor's type of science was an enigma to her.

She walked right into his back as he stopped suddenly right in front of her. They were at a narrow portion of the crevasse, and they had to go single file.

"Connor!" she exclaimed, irritated. She wanted to hurry past the area; it stunk of sulfur.

"Look at _this!" _he replied, his voice laden with wonder.

"I can't see anything, Connor, but _you,_" she snapped.

"Oh! Sorry… here," he knelt down so she could see over him.

"Oh! It's beautiful!" she gasped.

The narrow path continued on for a hundred or so meters, but along the cliff that had rose up to flank the left side of the wall, she saw a wide mouthed cave complete with mineral formations… and a spring. Not a tiny one like outside their cave; this one was at least five meters across and had steam billowing up from the surface. It smelled _horrible_, but her nose was already getting desensitized to it.

The crevasse continued on, but the outside edge of the cave was climbable, although just barely. They could get out, and they were not too terribly far from their home cave.

Connor grinned up at her, "What are we waitin' for, eh?"

She pushed on his back, "Go!"

TBC

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A/N: Abby is finding it in herself to be more open and honest about her feelings because Connor so desperately needs to hear it. Connor is finding his way to confidence because of Abby's love and faith in him. Although there is a wee bit of sad, I think this chapter is much happier in tone. They were depressing me, so I had to take matters into my own hands. *grins*

**I was thinking about Chena Hot Springs in Alaska. (Blame the LJ travel survey) I used to live in Fairbanks, and I thought how nice it might be for them to find a place for a little comfort. I sure enjoyed the hot springs… stinks though.**

**Please do review if you liked (or hated) this? Feed my poor muse please?**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Have been sick, and evidently my muse caught my cold also. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter and thanks for reading! **

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Chapter 17

Abby and Connor excitedly hurried towards the cave; Abby couldn't wait to see it close up. Upon closer inspection, calling the depression into the cliff face a _cave _was a bit of a stretch, but it _was_ shielded from the elements and the sun. Mineral deposits painted the walls and ceiling in vibrant shades, and the mineral spring gurgling in the center sparkled, its water clear and steaming.

"Looks warm, Abby," Connor grinned.

She crouched down by the surface and dipped her hand into the water; it wasn't warm, it was _hot_… bathwater hot. Oh, she _missed_ baths. Of all the things they had left behind, with the possible exceptions of food and a soft bed, she'd missed hot baths the most. It was hard work to do the daily tasks necessary for them to stay alive and fed; her muscles ached every day. And even padded with ferns and grasses, sleeping on their pallet often left her stiff and aching in the morning. She'd had dreams about soaking in a bubble bath, and this was fairly close… she could already imagine it.

"Conn, let's camp here tonight. We brought supplies, and the sky is clear. Nothing can get into here easily," she persuaded.

He nodded, "Yep. I was just thinking that, m'self."

Abby looked Connor up and down speculatively, and then began stripping off her clothing.

"You getting in?" she asked, smiling wickedly.

He nodded dumbly, still wearing the same awestruck expression he always did when she began removing articles of clothing.

* * *

The hot spring had become their new place for relaxation. They visited it at least every couple of days. Finding a place where they could truly relax and forget about their troubles did them both a world of good, especially considering how close the deinonychus were hanging out near their home cave lately. They had begun to not even feel safe _there_. Connor was sleeping so lightly now that it hardly counted as sleep. It didn't help matters that they had seen two more anomalies that had winked out before they were able to reach them. They had camped out by the spring on more than one occasion to get a brief reprieve of sorts, but it wasn't ideal.

So far, they had been unable to catch the deinonychus near enough the horseshoe-shaped portion of the crevasse to shepherd them the rest of the way in, but they kept their packs loaded with what they would need at all times just in case they moved into position. They followed the dinos each time they moved in the direction of the crevasse, but so far, they had always stopped short. Each time, Connor and Abby had to accept that they just had to deal with them for another day, but they were getting impatient. Abby was afraid that Connor would try something stupid if they couldn't be rid of them soon.

Today it looked as if they might finally get lucky. Abby tried to act as if she wasn't terrified to put their plan into action, but she was. She could think of so many things that could go wrong, but she was determined not to let her fear rule her. She'd always been a practical girl, and it was practical to eliminate the daily threat to their safety.

She and Connor were just returning from baiting the trap they had set up for the deinonychus when they saw the herd. Abby and Connor cautiously skirted around them, just intent on getting back to their cave until Connor spotted them heading north. He traded an uneasy glance with Abby, trepidation and fierce determination in his dark gaze. He was frightened, as well, but like Abby, he would do what was necessary to keep them safe.

Spears held aloft, they tracked behind the herd, barely keeping them in the line of sight. They had to stay far enough away from them so that they'd not be viewed as a threat, or a meal. The deinonychus stopped on a couple of occasions, but they continued heading steadily north. It was as good a chance as they would ever have. Their plan was as sound as they could make it; they had put far too much time planning and setting it up over the past couple of weeks, and forgone too many meals so that they had meat to use as bait for it _not _to work. She still couldn't help but worry… if the wind opposed them too much, or if one of them wasn't fast enough, or if- Abby cut herself off. It was the best plan they had.

Just northward up the valley from the crevasse, a sheer cliff wall ran east-west for leagues, thus preventing the dinosaurs escape in that direction. They planned to light their torches and then flank the creatures once they got near the trap, if they didn't walk directly into it. Connor would set the fire on his end to stop their travel further east, and they'd have no choice but to head south or westward into the deep horseshoe shaped area of the crevasse. Abby would be south, and if they headed in her direction, she'd light her fire there. Connor would circle around to the south to join her, and provided the wind cooperated, either the dinosaurs would be forced towards the ravine, or into the fire. Once they were past the opening of the horseshoe, Connor and Abby would seal off the exit, thus springing the trap.

In a perfect situation, the deinonychus would simply head into the horseshoe shaped area on their own, and Abby and Connor would wait until they were far enough in so that they could cut off the exit without alerting them of their presence. The area was deep enough… if they were very careful.

They had begun leaving chunks of meat, fish, all that they had to spare, at the far end of the horseshoe… that had been Abby's contribution to the plan. Although it had not attracted the deinonychus, it had attracted velociraptors, which was just as good bait as the meat itself. Abby knew animal behavior, and a quick meal that didn't protest being eaten was the best meal. The velociraptors and a few other smaller creatures now frequented the area to get the easy meal, and thus served as bait themselves. It was a distinct possibility that the deinonychus would see easy prey at the end of the horseshoe and move in to attack.

It was hard work to hunt the meat only to leave it on the ground in the hopes that this plan would succeed, but it was the safest way. Connor had experienced a couple of very close calls when leaving the meat each morning, and if they hadn't have seen the dinosaurs begin to move into position this morning then Abby would have had to agree with Connor's initial assessment, they would need to cede this area to them and find a new home. If this didn't work, it would be the only choice left to them.

Hope swelled in her chest as they neared the horseshoe. There _was_ a feed going on at the end of the horseshoe, and the deinonychus pack was quickly moving in on it. Connor looked back to her, his face set in determined lines. She nodded her confirmation, acknowledging she was ready to do her part. He'd go to the northern end of the horseshoe, she'd stay at the south end, and hopefully the deinonychus would be involved enough in the feeding frenzy to not realize what was happening until it was too late.

Abby dug out the prepared bundle of magnesium shavings and tinder, her torch and the magnesium match. Once again, she thanked Becker's foresight at including the magnesium match in their packs. It was a standard military issue item, and it had helped them tremendously. They tried to rely on them as little as possible; it used quite a bit of the block each time it was used. If they ever got back, she'd suggest adding a survival knife. She figured he hadn't included one because he wore one on his person, as did the rest of the ARC soldiers, but he should have realized that military types wouldn't be the only ones using the gear inside. She supposed she should just be grateful of the items that _had _been inside the bag.

Abby struck the magnesium block with the metal piece attached to it, her hands shaking as she worked to get the fire going enough to light the torch. It was soaked in pine resin coated tinder; it should burn hot and catch fast once she put the little flame to it. She hoped Connor was having a quicker time of it. It would be just their luck that the dinosaurs would finish their feeding frenzy before they were ever able to get the torches going. Finally, the little flame caught. Abby touched the torch to it and looked to Connor. He'd gotten his lit also.

They both jogged towards the opening and made ready to set the grass alight. The wind was blowing strongly to the west at the moment, but it could change at any time. Once they set the fire, they needed to be ready to run in case things went pear shaped. Together, they touched their torches to the ground and started moving towards each other, dragging the torches along the ground. The deinonychus smelled the smoke sooner than they'd anticipated, but so far they had just lifted their heads to sniff the air. They were almost done; just a few minutes more and then they could step back and see if the plan would actually work.

The herd of deinonychus had begun to actively panic, charging the parameters of the horseshoe to try to find a way out. Their shrill cries stood up the hair on Abby's neck, and she just hoped that the creatures didn't figure out that the source of their suffering was the two little humans with the flaming sticks. She lit the field as fast as she was able to, and the dry grass in the field caught so quickly that she was able to move at a slow run.

As soon as the fire line was complete, they tossed their torches as far as they could into the horseshoe. Connor gabbed her arm and they ran together to put some distance between the fire and themselves. The dinosaurs were well and truly trapped. They had done it. They had trapped the dinosaurs. The wall of fire was so thick now that there was no way for the deinonychus to escape, and it was growing rapidly in both directions. So much so that Abby and Connor were getting choked by the billowing smoke; they needed to get out of the area before the fire got _them_… and they needed to run.

Coughing and gasping for air, they ran south as hard and fast as their legs would carry them. Abby stumbled and fell hard once, but Connor was there in an instant, his arm around her waist pulling her back up and forward.

"Alright?" he choked out.

"Fine," Abby managed to gasp out, "Keep going."

By the time they had put enough distance between the fire and themselves, Abby thought she might fall over from exhaustion. She pulled Connor to a stop; they both needed to catch their breath.

"Abby… We're closer to the spring than to our cave. You fancy staying there tonight, yeah?"

Abby smiled slowly as she looked at Connor, smudged with smoke and dirt, pride at their success lighting up his eyes as he gave her a crooked dimpled grin.

"Well, you _are_ in desperate need of washing," she teased.

He laughed, "If you could see yourself in the mirror…"

She loved Connor's laugh… she heard it so rarely these days. It always made her have to smile in return.

"I think a bath in the hot spring is a brilliant idea," she agreed.

* * *

Abby settled in the hot spring, leaning her neck back against the edge with a contented sigh. She heard her sigh echoed in Connor as he sank into the pool directly across from her. Their mission to chase out the deinonychus from 'their' territory had been frightening and dangerous, but their cave would be much safer because of it.

Abby cracked her eyes open to watch Connor from under her lashes. His head was tilted back, eyes closed, a soft smile playing across his lips. Connor was relaxed and happy, the dimple in his left cheek slightly visible, his normally animated face smooth and unlined. He sighed, then dipped himself under the water and came back up to resume his position without even opening his eyes.

She was watching him openly now, lured in by all that wet gleaming flesh. Heat pooled in her belly, desire wakening in her. Connor opened his eyes, meeting her gaze; his smile broadened as he recognized the desire written on her face.

"If someone were to tell me three years ago that I'd ever be sat in a pool next to you, I would have never believed it," Connor remarked.

She smiled, "Things change."

Connor made a noise of acknowledgement, "Course, if they also were to tell me I'd be trapped in the Cretaceous era…"

Abby laughed softly, "Yeah."

"Least I'm trapped with you," he smiled.

"I don't imagine you'd be enjoying this hot spring quite the same with Danny," she smirked.

Connor chuckled, "No. As fond of Danny as I am, it's _not_ the same, is it?"

His smile faded, an all to familiar wrinkle deepening between his eyebrows as his expression turned serious. Calm happiness gave way to pensive speculation; Connor sometimes thought too much.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Huh?" Connor blinked, "Oh, nothin' really," he replied as he smiled his false smile.

"Connor, you are a rotten liar," Abby chastised.

He nodded sheepishly, "I was just thinking that if you'd not been trapped here with me, you'd not… just that you wouldn't have had to settle with me."

Abby rolled her eyes, "Are you serious?"

Connor nodded gravely, "Yes."

"Look… when will you get it through your thick hardheaded skull that I'm with you because I want to be?" she asked him impatiently.

He gave a short laugh, "Honestly? Probably never."

Abby shook her head, "Yeah, well you'd better get used to it." She crossed the pool to him, sitting herself on his lap.

He groaned and wrapped his arms around her waist, "Could get used to _that_."

"Connor Temple," she closed the distance between them, bringing her lips close to his, "I find you _very_ attractive… and what did I say?"

"You…" he cleared his throat, but his next words still came out hoarse and low, "You are always right."

"Mmmhmmm," she agreed, and brushed her lips over his.

Connor's arms tightened around her as he deepened the kiss. Abby traced her hands over his shoulders, encouraging him to move closer. She couldn't imagine how lost she would have been without Connor by her side all this time… or in her life these past years. She just knew she didn't want to ever be without him.

**TBC**

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A/N: Hmmm. So, what did you think? I hope you'll tell me. The whole 'chasing off the dinos' thing was a serious pain in my ass, so I hope you liked the way it turned out. They

_**do**_** still have one rather large dino to worry about, though….**

**Please feed starving muses? Review?**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hope ya'll like this one folks. I had to wrestle the plot monster to submission for it. It was incredibly tough to get going on, but I think it came out just as I envisioned. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.**

**(It's late... hope I don't typo you to death)**

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Chapter 18

It had started out so well. They were celebrating the victory. They had somehow managed to kill the herd of deinonychus that had taken over their area, and Connor and Abby were both riding a wave of adrenaline and triumph. They had both been sure that it was the right time. That this would be the night to finally take the next step, and Abby had been determined to make it the right time, regardless. She was going to follow through.

Connor was stood outside the little depression in the cliff face that housed the spring, staring up at the night sky. Abby watched him, at a loss for what she could say to mend the damage caused by their latest attempt to fully consummate their relationship. He hadn't said anything beyond the heartbreaking apology he'd uttered as soon as he saw the fear rising in her. He'd scrambled back and away, sheer terror written on his expressive face. Abby had been disappointed in them both and frustrated beyond reckoning; it seemed that every time she tried to take that final step, it proved to be too much for her.

What she'd wanted Connor to do was to give her a moment to collect herself, but he had overreacted violently, and that was more upsetting to her than anything else. She didn't know how she could ever hope to overcome this final hurdle if Connor wouldn't do his part to help. She'd told him to keep going until she stopped him, but it seemed as if it was too much to ask of him. She was furious with him, and she _knew_ it was irrational and unfair, but that was how she felt about it.

She'd shouted at him. She'd told him stop saying he was sorry, the sick guilt on his face feeding her anger. He'd just nodded jerkily and left the cave. Abby was afraid she'd say something even more cruel or hurtful if she tried to talk to him about it, so she'd let it be. Connor had stayed outside the cave for hours, but when she saw him lie down as if he was planning to sleep outside, away from her and exposed to the chill night air, it served as the slap in the face she needed. One glimpse of his miserable face… seeing him suffering _again_ because of _her _was the catalyst she needed to snap out of her self-indulgent temper tantrum.

"Connor. Come over here," she called out, her voice as gentle as she could make it.

As usual, he did as she asked, albeit reluctantly.

She patted the empty space beside her, "Lie down."

He tentatively took his customary position lying on his side behind her; after a moment's hesitation he put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"Are you still angry with me?" he asked softly.

Abby sighed. If she told him the truth, they'd likely be set back even farther, but she was determined to be honest.

"You _are_," he asserted as he began to pull away from her.

She held him to her, preventing his escape, "Let me explain."

He relaxed again after a few seconds, and she took his silence for acceptance. Abby took in a deep breath and exhaled, determined to give him… and herself… the truth.

"I'm angry with myself, and I'm angry that you were so quick to back off. I'm afraid we'll never get past this," she admitted.

She felt the tension in his body as her words registered. Connor's voice was low and tremulous with emotion when he broke the silence to speak, barely above a whisper, "Abby, I can't bear it when you get that look on your face. I can't. You don't know what it's like for me! To see you… _scared. _And to see you scared of _me… _after last time-"

"That was _my_ fault, I told you," she argued.

He was silent for such a long time, and Connor was rarely at a loss for words… even if they'd not always come out the way he wanted them to.

Finally, she rolled over to face him, "I meant it when I said you needed to keep going until I told you to stop. You _agreed_," she reminded him.

He squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, "I know. I know I did. I just…" he sighed, opened his eyes again and studied her face, "Were you going to tell me to stop?"

Abby nodded, "Yes. But I think I might have been okay if I had a minute."

Connor shook his head, disagreeing, "You were terrified, Abby. I didn't think you were going to stop me this time. I saw you beginning to get frightened, but you didn't stop me. Then you froze… I could tell that you didn't even see _me_ anymore. Abby… it felt _wrong. _I don't know what to do."

"I… I don't know," she sighed. She didn't realize how hard it was for _him._ Connor would do _anything_ to protect her, and she was asking him to do the complete opposite in his eyes. She traced her hand over his cheek, "I'm sorry."

His larger hand closed over hers, he kissed her palm, "No. Don't be. I'm… I'll not…" he clenched his jaw and gave his head a quick shake, frustrated with himself.

He drew in a deep breath and she knew he was trying to say something important. She gave him the time he needed to sort it out.

"I'm in no rush, alright? The _second_ you get uncomfortable, we should stop," he insisted.

She nodded. He was right… sort of. Mostly. She _had_ gone beyond the point where she should have stopped him, but she would have. Probably. She could hardly blame him for not wanting to push, but she needed something from him in return. "Then don't back away," she added.

His jaw tightened, "Abby…"

She placed her fingers over his mouth, "No. I mean it. If I want you to move away, I'll tell you to."

"Okay," he agreed, but she could see that he didn't like it, nor did he understand why she was so insistent upon him agreeing to this.

She thought about how best to explain. Perhaps he would be better about acting of his own initiative if she was able to get him to understand it. As it was, there were still boundaries he'd not cross without a conscious confirmation from her, although the boundaries had gotten looser. He still left the ultimate control to her.

Connor being Connor, he needed to understand 'why' and she'd never really bothered to try to put it into words. She'd just told him to trust her to stop him and left it at that. It seemed there was more to this whole _communication_ thing than she'd anticipated. She tried to formulate the words necessary to explain something that she had barely come to grips with herself.

Plainspoken was best, she figured, so she just plunged in, "I need you to push me. I will likely always have some… problems, but if you just keep at it, most times it fades. If you keep waiting and stopping every time I have a little bit of hesitation, I'll not ever get past it. I need you to trust me to stop if it's too much, but _you_ stop before I have a chance to get there," she explained.

She could see the gears turning as he digested her words. He didn't like it; that much was obvious, but she could see he was working through her rationale.

He nodded, finally, "I understand, I think," he met her gaze, his face troubled, "I'll try."

She smiled sadly, "We both will."

* * *

Abby set up her work area near Connor, preparing fish to be smoked and dried. They had been steadily replenishing their supplies in the last couple of weeks since the threat of the deinonychus herd had been put behind them. The acrocanthosaurus had proved to be less of a problem for them than they had anticipated once the deinonychus were removed from the area. Abby thought it might be because it had been attracted to the area in the first place due to the heavy population of available prey… and now there was significantly less prey to be had. The large Theropod still wandered into the area on occasion, but he was big enough to be spotted from a distance, and one of them always stood watch.

Abby glanced over at Connor, curious as to his progress so far. He was attempting to tan a dinosaur hide, but he said he only had a vague idea on how to do so. It would consist of a lot of trial an error, but the thought of having an actual blanket or mattress was worth the effort. He had built a sturdy frame out of branches that he'd lashed together with sinew, and then he had stretched a hide taut across it. He was now hard at work scraping the flesh from the skin with one of the stone scrapers he'd knapped; it was messy and difficult, but a necessary step.

Connor had stripped off his customary layers of t-shirt, hoodie, and leather jacket and was working bare-chested, sweat dripping down his lean body, hair damp from effort. He seemed blissfully oblivious to the fact that Abby couldn't keep her eyes off of him. She couldn't help it, not when every pass of blade against the skin caused his muscles to stand out in stark relief. Not when he was wearing so little, and his body was fit enough to turn her into a melting puddle of goo at the sight of it.

She smiled as she worked, as content as she had been in a long time. He must have felt her eyes on him, because he paused to look at her questioningly. Abby licked her lips nervously as she met his dark inquisitive gaze. She wanted to talk to him, but she wasn't quite sure how to broach the subject, or if it was the right time.

"Everything alright?" he asked, concern clouding his features.

Abby smiled and shook her head, "Yeah, fine."

Connor nodded, but she could tell from the little crease between his eyes that he hadn't been convinced.

She smiled wider and let her eyes wander down his bare torso and back up to his face, "I was just admiring the view," she teased; she knew it would serve as a diversion from the conversation she'd abruptly decided she wasn't ready to have. Not then. Later. She'd bring it up later.

Connor blushed as she knew he would, but he also broke out into a pleased smile before he turned back to working the skin, "If ya fancy what ya see, I'd be happy to show you more a little later," he replied a beat later, his back still to her.

He was always braver when he'd not had to look her in the face. She laughed and shook her head at his cheekiness, but the fact of it was, she _really_ wanted to take him up on the offer. She'd been thinking about it continuously the last few days, and she thought that just maybe she was ready to give it another go between them. Not just oral, but further… she wanted to make love with Connor, but every time she started to bring it up, her heart rose up to stick in her throat and her tongue tied. She resolutely applied herself to cleaning the fish, trying to distract herself.

They _had _tried to go further the night they'd killed the deinonychus, but it had not gone as either of them hoped. Abby had thought that it would be a perfect night to finally consummate their relationship, but she had frozen up at the key moment, Connor overreacted, and then she'd lost her temper, and the whole evening had been spoiled. No. Not entirely spoiled. They had both desperately needed to talk about what had happened, and they had.

They had gone very slow in the couple of weeks that had elapsed since, both of them afraid to make a wrong move. Connor had been true to his promise to try to keep going until she told him to stop, but she had felt compelled to stop much sooner than she had in the past. She was trying to convince him that she'd not let him do anything to her she was unwilling to accept, he was trying to convince her that he could do what she had asked of him, and the end result had been a lot of frustration on both their parts. Abby was sick to death of it. She was ready to put it behind them.

"Alright, Abby. You're staring again. What is it?" Connor asked, turning to face her with a grin.

"You are making an awful mess. Next time I think you need to do that farther away from the cave," she critiqued.

He considered the clean-up required and grimaced in acknowledgement, "Yeah. I'd not thought it would be quite this bad."

Abby made a noise of agreement, keeping her eyes resolutely on her fish.

"So after I get this part done, I wanted to go check the traps, and then perhaps go for a swim to wash all of this off, yeah?" Connor proposed.

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great actually. A bit hot today," she agreed, smirking.

"Brilliant. I am about done, then I can put it to soak in the… ammonia, and we'll be off," he grinned, never catching her double entendre.

Sometimes he was still pretty clueless. Cute, though.

Abby wrinkled her nose at the thought of his homemade ammonia. Turns out that stale urine turned to ammonia if left to sit long enough. Connor's stomach had gotten considerably stronger since they'd first arrived in the Cretaceous. She couldn't imagine him ever doing something like tanning a hide before they'd been trapped here.

* * *

The falls had been relaxing, and she felt lovely and clean, but her mind was still troubled. She knew Connor wouldn't be put off for much longer, he knew that something was on her mind. She'd tried to act as if everything was normal whilst at the falls, but he knew her far too well for that.

She had decided she'd tell him. She'd tell him that tonight was it… she was ready to try again. Now she just had to figure out _how_. She hoped he'd not argue, but truth be told, she wasn't sure how he would react. She reached out and snagged his hand as they made their way back to the cave, smiling at him just to get a smile back. She'd get it sorted somehow.

They were stacking the gear in the back of the cave when the world tilted and shook. Abby screamed as she fell hard to the ground and the world plunged into darkness around her.

TBC

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A/N: Don't hit me! Evil cliffy, I know. Sorry. I'll try and convince my muse to help me write fast…. If you'd like to help her, please do review? She gets hungry, and reviews help speed the writing process.

**Ah… getting close to the end. Very close.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: This chapter was sooo stubborn, but I wanted to be sure I got it right. I worked hard on it *bites nails* I hope I've managed it. Hope you like! **

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Chapter 19

Abby's head _hurt_, and beyond the throbbing behind her eyes, it was hard to think of much else. She let out a low moan and pressed her hand to her forehead. The next moment of lucid thought, she realized something heavy was holding her down and preventing her from moving. She cracked her eyes and found herself in inky blackness. She desperately tried to think. The last she remembered they had been in the cave… her and Connor… and then… what? Confused, she called out for Connor, but he didn't answer.

_Where is Connor? _she worried_. _She moved to free herself andher hands came in contact with Connor's limp body; the heavy thing holding her down was _him_. She felt over his body frantically, trying to determine if he was still in one piece. She found his hair and used it as a landmark to the rest of him; she felt for his neck to check his pulse and found it, strong and steady. Abby let out a sigh of relief and traced over his face, up over his cheek. Her fingers came away wet… blood on his forehead, sticky where it was beginning to dry.

She crawled out from underneath him and then rearranged him carefully, settling his head in her lap, "Connor? Can you wake up for me?"

He made a noise of pain and moved. Encouraged, she tried again, "Connor?"

"Abby?" he moaned, confusion in his voice.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Uhhnnh. I think so," he shifted as if he was making to sit up, whimpered and laid his head back in her lap, "Me head… and a bit nauseous, but I don't think I've got a concussion."

"Well, you would know," she joked, but her hands moved over his hair soothingly.

"Do you know what happened?" she asked.

Connor didn't answer. His breath was coming faster, and his body had gone rigid under her hands. His heartbeat sped under her hand, and he was starting to shake.

"Connor? Conn? What's wrong?" Abby asked.

"T… Tr… Trapped, aren't we?" he managed to stutter out, fear constricting his voice.

"We just have to dig out. I think we've had another earthquake," she tried to reassure him.

He was not nearly so affected by his claustrophobia these days, but he still didn't much like confined places. Anything without an exit made him nervous, to include elevators, but he was able to deal with it. This… this was something more. They _were_ trapped, and even _she_ was scared, but panicking wouldn't help get them out of it. Connor, however, seemed to be having a full blown panic attack. She knew the dark made it worse for him; she was sure it stirred up memories of being locked in the closet as a child. She cursed his mum one more time just for good measure.

"Can't breathe!" he wheezed.

She shifted, pulling him into her arms, "You can. You just need to think about it, okay? It's okay."

He was breathing too fast and his skin was burning hot; he would hyperventilate soon. She needed to get him to calm down and listen to her.

"Look over there, see? A few coals are still burning. Let me get the fire going again and we'll see what we need to do to get out of here, okay?" she cajoled.

He clung to her, "Abby I think I'm dying. Chest hurts. Don't leave me alone, please? Please?" he begged, his voice gone small and scared.

"I'll not leave you, Connor. It's alright," She pulled him closer still, "We're going to breathe together, okay?"

He was shivering violently, his breath coming in fast little pants, "Okay?" she asked again.

She felt him nod, his head wedged in the hollow of her shoulder, the fabric moist from his tears. She stroked his back, "Okay. Take a deep breath in. We'll do it together."

She breathed with him, calming him to the point where he no longer seemed as if he would shatter in a million bits. When he was breathing normally again, he disengaged from her, slipping out of her arms although he kept his hand in hers.

"Can I try and start the fire now?" she asked.

Connor gave a short embarrassed laugh, "Yeah. I'm sorry."

"S'alright, Conn," she said softly.

She got a little flame going pretty quickly; she built it up large enough to see the state of their home. The entrance had collapsed, and some of the ceiling that had been right above her. She thought the large chunk of rock on the floor that had come from the roof of the cave was the likely culprit as to what had caused Connor's injury. He was lucky it had just grazed him. Connor pushed himself up to sitting gingerly as she finished with the fire; he dropped his head between his knees.

"Connor? You okay?" she asked worriedly. She would need his help to dig out of the cave.

He lifted his head and she gasped despite herself. She'd known he was hurt, but seeing it was somehow worse. The right side of his forehead was covered in blood, and his hair was matted with it, even though the cut above his eyebrow was relatively minor. He levered himself up to standing, and even it the tiny amount of light offered by the flickering flame she could see how pale he was.

He started to nod, winced, and spoke instead, "Fine. Let's just get out of here, yeah?" he replied, his eyes firmly fixed on the floor.

They started clearing out the rubble, all the while Abby kept casting anxious glances at Connor. He was very obviously fighting back nausea, and he was refusing to look Abby in the eyes. She was used to listening to his constant stream of chatter, but Connor hadn't spoke a word. As soon as they had removed enough to reveal a piece of the night sky and let in precious fresh air, she set about convincing him to lie down and let her do the rest.

"Connor… you need to lie down, you've been hurt. I can get this," she ordered.

"No, I want to," he disagreed softly, again refusing to meet her eyes.

"Connor, don't be…" Abby caught herself before the scathing words fell from her lips, "like that," she corrected.

"I said I'm fine," he insisted.

"You are _not_. Just let me-" Abby argued, her voice rising.

His jaw tightened, "No, Abby. Let me be," he snapped, his voice hardening.

She blinked rapidly, taken aback and stung. Connor didn't speak to her in that tone of voice. She fought back the wave of hurt, but she was no match for the tide of anger that crashed through her following it. The idiot had taken a blow to the head because he fell on her to protect her during the earthquake, she'd sussed that much out fairly quickly, he was obviously in pain, and she was just trying to take care of him, and he was snapping at her?

In a fit of temper, she threw the rock in her hand in his direction, although she wasn't trying to hit him, "Bastard!"

He jumped back, his brows drawing down in anger, "You want to hit me? I'm an easy target, yeah?"

Her mouth dropped open at his angry reaction, "Connor, I-"

"Just lie down and stay out of your way? I'm that helpless? Is that it?" he ranted, but he was holding his hand to his abdomen and teetering on his feet.

Exasperated, Abby shook her head, "Damn it, no. That's not what I was saying. I'm saying you're injured. Look at you. You can barely stay on your feet."

He shook his head in mute denial, the anger draining, leaving only shame behind. Suddenly she got it. The downcast eyes, the angry response to her suggestion he lay down and rest. Abby drew in a deep breath and reached down deep for patience, "Connor, it was a panic attack. It doesn't mean you're weak, alright? I don't think that."

His lips compressed and he swallowed hard, "I din't mean to shout at ya. Sorry. I just…" His face crumpled for a moment before he was able to get control of himself once more, "I need to keep moving, alright? I need to keep m'hands busy or…" he met her eyes finally, "or I'm going to lose it again," he flushed, ashamed.

She held out her hand to him, "Okay. Come help me here, work next to me alright? Just go easy?"

He took her hand after a moment's hesitation, "Abby I… I'm sorry."

"It's your mum that should be sorry for doing this to you in the first place," Abby replied before she could stop the words.

Connor's hand convulsed in hers. _Oh, god, _she thought. She hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"I didn't mean-" Abby began.

"No," he cut her off, "No, you meant it, and you're right."

She moistened her lips, tried to repair some of the damage she had done _this_ time, "So you know, I wasn't aiming for you, Connor. I was just… frustrated. I'm sorry, too."

He nodded, sighed deeply and began to help her clear away the rubble, widening the small hole. He worked alongside her quietly, his typical running commentary still on pause. When she asked how he was feeling, he said his head felt better, and his nausea had mostly subsided. Her own head was still throbbing, so she imagined he was likely just trying to reassure her. He never lost his pensive expression, and she had about given up on trying to draw him out when he started talking.

"She was hard on my dad, as well… me mum was. She was always at him, because his job din't pay much, or because he left us alone a lot, or just because… but she wouldn't let him take the jobs that paid more because they were far away. Dad adored her though; and he never had a harsh word for her. She loved him, but she's…" he broke off.

He stopped, frozen in silence.

"What, Connor?" Abby asked carefully, taking his hand in hers.

He looked down at their joined hands, and then back up at her, "She's abusive."

He stared intently into her eyes, his jaw tight but his lips were quivering, and he just looked so _sad _that it brought tears to her own eyes… but he needed to get this out. She needed to let him.

After a moment he continued, "What she did to me and Dad was _wrong_. She used to hit him sometimes, when they rowed the worst, and he'd say it was alright cause she couldn't hurt him… but she _did._ Not where it showed, but inside," he insisted, slapping his own chest for emphasis. "And then she'd be sweet and loving…" he shook his head, his voice turning sad again. "Once Dad died, she got worse. Much worse, 'cept she never hit _me_. That was the one thing Dad never stood for…" he trailed off.

"It's alright. You survived it, okay?" Abby soothed.

"Did I?" he gave a short bitter laugh, "Did I really? Look at _this_. I had a bloody _panic attack _when you needed me, and to be honest… I'm still a little freaked out." He pulled his hand away and paced a step away before turning back, "I let her convince me my whole life that I'm not good enough… too often I let people treat me like rubbish… even you. _Especially_ you.

Abby flinched as his words struck home. It was true, even though she didn't mean it. She never wanted to hurt him, and she was trying so hard. She'd thought she'd managed it, she was doing better, wasn't she?

"And I don't want-" he cut himself off as he caught sight of her miserable face. "Oh, no Abby… I'm not sayin'… I just… from before, you used to…" he stammered, his hands held out to her. "Damn it," he cursed, frustrated.

He closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. She held herself stiffly, not wanting to accept his embrace.

"Please, Abby? Don't be angry," he sighed, "I was just trying to say that I let m'self get walked on, even when I know I should stand up for m'self, I didn't mean… I'd do anything for you anyway… don't be hurt. Please?"

She nodded and returned the embrace before gently pulling away so she could look up at him, "No, Connor. You said what you meant, and I want you to, okay? It's true, anyway. I've taken advantage of you, because I knew you'd never tell me no to anything. At least, you _used to _never tell me no," she smiled wryly.

He gave her a sheepish smile in return and she continued, determined to make him understand or to keep talking until he did.

"Connor Temple, you listen to me. You are _not _weak, and you _have_ survived it. You have _always_ stood up for what was really important, no matter what. You've got too good a heart to ever want to hurt anybody, even at your own expense, and that's _not _weakness… it's a strength I wish I had. You just need to realize that _you_ are important, too. You're the best man I have ever known… and… and I love you."

The words never came easy for her, even now. Too many years of resistance, most likely, but Connor needed to hear it.

He smiled at her, sweet and gentle, like his heart, "And I love you, Abby."

She pressed a soft kiss to his lips and hugged him to her once more. He took in a deep breath and shook his head as if to clear it, "I'm alright. I am. Let's get this done?" he said, gesturing at the wall of rock blocking the cave.

"Yeah," she replied with a tired smile.

They both turned to the task of clearing an exit from their cave. As they got a large window sized hole cleared, Connor stuck his head outside and inhaled deeply.

"Better?" she asked him, resting her hand on the small of his back.

He nodded, "Yeah. Much. Let's get back to it, yeah?"

It took some time, but once they had a sizable opening, they were able to kick large pieces free and finish up fairly quickly. She let Connor build up the fire while she tried to clear out the rubble off of their sleeping pallet. When he had a strong blaze going again, she fetched water from the tiny spring outside and set it to boil. She'd like some pine needle tea.

Connor looked up at her and smiled gratefully, "Tea would be lovely. You hungry?"

"No, but we need to eat anyway. Let's get you cleaned up first, okay?" Abby replied.

Connor grimaced as he touched his hair where it had matted with blood, "Yeah."

She fetched a bowl of water and bade him to lay his head back in her lap, "This might hurt," she warned.

He just closed his eyes and waited. She stripped off her hoodie, turned a sleeve inside out and dipped it in the water. She dabbed carefully around the cut on his forehead; he winced, but let her finish without complaint. His hair took longer, and she'd had to change out the bowl of water a couple of times, but she managed it. He was worried that it might scar, but she reassured him that scars were sexy, and won a short laugh and one of those blindingly bright crooked grins from him.

They were both subdued as they ate their meal and then lay down together. It had been a harrowing day in a long succession of hard days. She hoped Connor really was okay. He was horribly embarrassed by his panic attack, and she had done her absolute best to reassure him that he needn't be. He had managed his claustrophobia to the point where it rarely impacted his life, and as long as she knew him, she'd never seen him have a panic attack, although he'd admitted he used to have them fairly often.

He'd really come out of himself since they had been stuck in the past together, becoming more self-confident and assertive. Surviving what they had, he certainly deserved to believe in himself a little more. She'd hate for him to slip backwards now because of something like this. He was even better about not taking any of her bullshit, although he wasn't quite to the point where he'd shovel it back at her unless she _really_ pushed hard. He probably never would be. At his core, he was just a _nice_ guy.

Connor had thrown himself selflessly into the line of fire so often that the idea that he thought of himself of a coward was ridiculous, and she told him so. She shyly related that it was one of the things she loved about him, seeking to reassure him. It was awkward and a little bit embarrassing, but with as much as Connor put up with from her, she was going to make the effort.

"Do you really think that way about me, Abby?" Connor asked, a flush rising on his cheeks.

She levered herself to look down at him, enjoying the way he squirmed a little under her scrutiny, "Ummhmm, I do. And I think you are beautiful, inside and out."

Now he was really squirming; she smirked.

She traced her fingers lightly over the cut over his eyebrow, "Does it still hurt?"

He was looking up at her with those dark chocolate brown eyes, and they kept flicking down to her mouth, "No," he murmured.

She kissed next to it anyway, and his eyes fluttered shut at the contact. She loved that about him, too… how he melted into her whenever she touched him. She drew back to look at him again. He pushed himself up to sitting, brought up his hand to cup her cheek and leaned in to kiss her, deepening the kiss slowly as she responded to him.

Abby traced her hand down his chest, and then slipped her hand under his t-shirt to touch his skin, pushing the fabric up and out of the way. He took her hand in his, stilling it on his chest.

"Abby?" he breathed, his voice full of something she wasn't quite sure she could name.

"Hmm?" she replied, distracted by the fact that his lips were so close to hers, and she really wanted to kiss him again. She flattened her palm on his chest, curled her fingers against his skin. His hand was warm on top of hers, but he made no move to stop her. She could feel his breath on her cheek; she looked up the meet his gaze again.

"I want you," he said, his voice low.

Abby's heart stuttered and her breath came faster at his words. She'd been thinking the same thing, but for _Connor _to say this to her? He'd never… not like _this._ Not just said it.

"I want to try again, Abby… if… if you…" he squeezed his eyes shut briefly and then opened them again, his gaze intense and his voice stronger, "if you'll have me."

She traced a finger down his temple, over his cheek and down over his beautiful lips. She could only nod, stunned at the love and desire his dark gaze held.

He closed the distance between them again, his arms pulling her close to him, his mouth slanting over hers in a scorching kiss that left her breathless and wanting. She wanted to give him this last piece of her; she wanted to share it with him… share everything with him. She loved him so much it hurt, and despite all of the pain and baggage in both their pasts, she knew that what they had together was strong enough to overcome it. They had a foundation built on years of trust and friendship, and the love they had built, layer upon layer throughout those years.

Connor's body was pressed tightly to hers, and there was no way it would be enough. She loved the feel of his hands on her, his mouth on her, his skin on hers. She was having a difficult time remembering why she had spent so long trying to resist what she felt for him; if there ever was a perfect man out there for her, it was Connor. She smiled as she realized that her thoughts were all for him, and that she desperately wanted more. They made love for the first time that night, and Abby had not one moment of hesitation. Connor had been right after all. He loved her and that made all the difference… that, and the fact that he was the most patient man she'd ever met.

Afterwards, as they lay in the afterglow, Connor shifted to look down at her, a pleased smile playing over his lips, "I'd ask if it was good, but you shoutin' my name out sort of tipped me off."

Abby laughed softly, "Oh no, give him a little encouragement and he gets a big head."

His smile faltered a little and she rolled her eyes, "Connor, it was amazing. I was just teasing."

He looked down, turning pink to the tips of his ears, "I knew that."

It _had_ been amazing, and perfect… all she'd hoped for. They'd both broken down afterwards, but they had smiles through their tears. She snuggled in more closely to Connor, his arms tightening around her reassuringly. She sighed, completely peaceful and serene for the first time in as far back as she could remember. She'd never thought she could have this, and to have it with Connor made it even sweeter. It might have taken being trapped in the Cretaceous to do it, but she'd finally found true happiness, and she'd been able put the secrets of her past firmly behind her… thanks to Connor.

He held her throughout the silence of the long night, and she knew he'd always be there to hold her.

**Missing Reel is titled 'Consummation'**

**Epilogue to follow**

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**A/N: Well, folks… she's almost done. M-rated excerpt i.e. Missing Reel is up, it's titled 'Consummation' or take out the spaces and go to: www. fanfiction. net/s/6407234/1/Consummation_A_Hold_My_Silence_Missing_Reel**

**Epilogue to follow.**

**Connor finally got his measure of acceptance of his own past, and Abby is now building him up instead of constantly tearing him down.**

**I hope you'll tell me what you think about this… I really hope I've managed to bring it to a good end. Yes? No? Please review.**

**Those of you that have been reading and reviewing throughout, I can't thank you enough for your encouragement. I means the world to me, and thank you!**


	20. Epilogue

**A/N: Here she is, the last and final chapter (a bit influenced by the new spoilery info on season 4.) There **_**is**_** a Missing Reel set between last chapter and this one, titled "Consummation." Pretty critical to the story, IMO. **

**It has been a lovely journey to write this, and those that took a second to leave reviews (especially my regulars *grins*) I cannot thank you enough for all your encouragement. *Gives gift of wet!Connor***

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Epilogue

The cave had suffered in the wake of the earthquake, but Abby and Connor did their best to clean it up and render their cave livable once more. Connor was giddy and playful throughout, and Abby strongly suspected that the final consummation of their love for one another last night was the predominant cause. She hadn't seen him laugh and smile so much since they had been stuck in the Cretaceous. No… it had been even longer. She'd not seen him as happy since before she'd kicked him out of the flat. At least he understood why she had done it, now. She knew it had wounded him deeply, but she'd had her reasons.

In hindsight, she should have sat down with Connor and explained about her past, her brother, and everything else she'd kept so well contained the entire time she'd known him. She'd wasted a lot of time… made a lot of assumptions when she should have seen what was right before her the whole time. Connor was her friend, first and foremost, and she should have had faith in _that_ at the very least. They had already weathered the pain of both Stephen and Cutter's passing together; she knew what a good and caring soul he was.

She smiled at him, determined to make up for lost time.

"What?" Connor asked with an answering grin.

Abby shook her head, "Nothing, Connor. I was just thinking."

He grinned wider, "About me, I hope."

Abby nodded, "Yeah."

Abby stood, dusting off her hands and came to stand before him. She wound her arms around his neck and stepped in close, looking up into those warm chocolate brown eyes, "I was just thinking that I should have told you how I felt about you a long time ago."

Connor's smile turned shy and uncertain, "How long ago are we talkin' about? Cause Abby, I think you had me heart from the very beginning."

Abby felt a curious warming and melting inside her chest. Connor may not be the most articulate man, but he said the sweetest things when he managed to get them out, and he radiated sincerity and an open sweetness that was absolutely unique. She'd never met anyone like him. That he could tolerate her and her impatience, her waspish moods, along with all the other things that always made her feel unworthy of truly being loved was a miracle, in and of itself.

She smiled tremulously, "A long time, Connor. I think I first knew it that day you refused to let me go on the cliff. I couldn't bear the thought of you dying trying to save me. And then… you wouldn't let me go, and you told me you loved me, and I just… I couldn't accept it. Not then. Not even to myself, but-"

Connor cut her off by pressing his lips to hers, soft and tender.

He smiled gently as they broke apart, "That don't matter, Abby. We've sorted it out now, yeah?"

She nodded, breaking into a bright grin of her own, "Yeah, we have. Can we ever do anything the easy way?"

Connor just laughed and kissed her again.

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Abby grinned as she dodged a punch from Connor, "If you'll not even try and hit me, Connor, there's no point," she chastised.

"Funny," he shot back, falling into his fighting stance like Abby had taught him.

He threw a kick, and this one landed, but they were just sparring and it was barely hard enough for her to acknowledge, "Good one," she complemented.

He grinned, leaving himself wide open. Abby took advantage, popping him in the ribs with a roundhouse. He grunted with the impact, and shifted his body to be less of a target.

"Guard always up," she instructed sternly.

They continued, back and forth until they were both thoroughly exhausted. Connor had picked up on the basics of martial arts training slowly at first… he was not the most graceful of men, all gangly limbs and awkward movement, but after all this time he had become more formidable than she would have imagined. The process had likely done her some good, as well. She'd developed a new appreciation for her martial arts instructor's patience. They had practiced nearly every day since he first evidenced interest in learning, about a month into their stay… with a few breaks due to injuries, a few crisis that erupted, poisoning, and a few occasions where they weren't speaking and it was better that they didn't.

They were sat on the ground after, trying to catch their breath… at least _she _was trying to catch her breath_._ Connor was chatting excitedly about going out to the hot spring this evening, and somewhere along the line he'd gotten caught up in explaining how hot springs were formed. She figured he'd go on about it for ages if she didn't change the subject.

She turned to look at him, an amused smile on her face as she watched how animated he could be on a subject that would put most people to sleep. His warm dark eyes were lit with enthusiasm, his hands waving about as if they had a life of their own. The cut on his forehead was healing, but even if it left a scar, she didn't think it could do anything to lessen his appeal for her. It kind of gave him a roguish air… it was sort of sexy.

"Connor," she interrupted.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"Something else, yeah?" she asked.

He gave a short laugh, "Boring, in't it? Sorry."

He'd grown quiet, probably thinking about what he could talk about next. Abby smiled at him and kissed his cheek to let him know that she really didn't mind his geek speak. She was trying to think of something else to talk about when Abby spotted something shimmering on the horizon. Her mouth dried, her heart beginning to hammer even harder in her chest than it already was. They had their packs, the emergency supply of food that they'd learned was a very necessary item to have at all times, some water… they were as perfectly prepared to go as if they had planned it.

"Connor! Connor!" she tapped his leg excitedly as she pointed.

"Anomaly! Abby… it's an anomaly! Come on!" He scrambled to his feet and waited for her before breaking out into a hard sprint for the mass of sparkling light beckoning them on the horizon.

He was panting, his breath coming in hard gasps as she joined him, directly in front of the anomaly. He looked to her, hope and fear behind his wide dark eyes.

He stretched out his hand to find hers, "Could be home," he said quietly.

She nodded and gripped his hand tightly. It could be, or not, but they'd already discussed this. If an anomaly opened, they were going through it. If it looked too bad, hopefully it would stay open long enough for them to get back.

"Ready?" she asked.

A roar from directly behind them interrupted any thought at more conversation. The acrocanthosaurus that had made a habit of frequenting this area was back, and it was charging directly towards them. In the excitement of finding an anomaly, they hadn't even noticed the giant Theropod's approach. They traded a wide eyed look and leapt into the ball of shimmering light, hoping the dinosaur wouldn't follow.

They hurried to regain their footing and ran, anticipating pursuit. Connor stumbled and fell, but Abby hauled him up by his arm just as the dinosaur came crashing through the anomaly behind them. It roared, and Abby grew cold as she realized there was positively no way she could get away in time. It was too close and it moved too fast, but she certainly wasn't going to stay still and become an easy snack. They turned to run, but found themselves cut off by a circle of men in black fatigues holding guns. The dinosaur roared once more, but it was cut off abruptly as the soldiers fired on it.

The acrocanthosaurus came crashing down in the middle of the city street. It was then that it finally sunk in that they were in the modern world. Home. At least home of a sort…

The men were yelling at her and Connor, telling them to put their hands up and to get down on their knees. Frightened and overcome, she and Connor began to comply when a strong familiar voice echoed out from behind the group of soldiers.

"Connor? Abby? Is it really you?" Becker called out, shoving his men to the side in order to reach them. "Stand down," he commanded the soldiers, and they lowered the weapons obediently.

"Becker! Oh, thank god!" Connor replied.

Becker clapped Connor on the shoulder as he took his hand and gripped it, "Good to see you mate. What took you so long?"

Connor laughed delightedly. They were _home._ Their home. Abby flew at Connor, almost knocking him off his feet with the force of her hug. She was laughing, too. They made it.

Home. They were home.

**END**

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A/N: So concludes my little fic that started out as a wee lil fic based on "What if Abby were a virgin?" I'm quite pleased with this one, and it has been interesting to take these two to a place in their relationship where they both love and trust each other. I'm such a hopeless romantic… just don't tell anyone. It would completely ruin my hard-ass image.

**I really hoped that you enjoyed this… and reviews, no matter how belated… mean the world to me. Besides, I have new story ideas percolating, and you'd like to encourage my poor muse, right? For example... how about an M-Rated fic for their first night home? Thinking of putting together a series of one-shots set after their return. What do ya think?**

**Also, I invite you to read the fics of those I have listed as my favorite authors on my profile. They are phenomenal writers. :)**


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